This has NEVER happened before..

I'm so pleased for you HTBO. You sound so much in control of your emotions this time, even if you have moments of gay abandon (sorry!) and let your imagination run wild and occasionally think of what might be. This sounds like a solid friendship with much more promise than a crush. I think you will see your crush in a totally different light in September. She will probably see a totally new you also.

Can i ask, how did you meet your new friend? Is this the person you met online? Do you see each other often?
I often wonder how I would meet a new partner if I'm ever on my own and it scares me. Maybe the thought of being alone/looking for a female partner is scary enough to stop some people actually coming out?

 

'Moments of gay abandon' is very accurate. That's exactly what happens when you have friends of the same sex I think you are right, I will see my crush very differently in September. I am not the same person as I was when I left in April. I have changed so much. I had plans to do all kinds of school work over the summer, but I couldn't focus because I've been in a transitioning period since I came out. I eventually decided not to pressure myself to work and focus on me (so I can focus on work when school begins). It has been a wonderful summer, and I have changed so much. My mother even asked me the other day if I still like music because everything about me has changed, lol. It really is wonderful discovering I'm gay and coming out and I wish everyone's experience could be like mine.
Yes, she is the person I met online. I never expected her, all I wanted was to make new friends. We talked for about a month and a half or so before we met, she was very hesitant and anxious about meeting. We met for the first time about 2 weeks ago and spent 6 hours together We don't see each other often because she is extremely busy, which is perfect because normally I am as well and it's important to me to find someone who has their own things to do and is very busy and will understand and accept that I am the same way. I hate having nothing to do, and this summer has been an exception, it's a transitioning phase. She went away on vacation for this month, and so I won't see her until September. She did meet with me before she left which I was very pleased about. I know she's usually busy, but with her trip so close (we met 2 days before she left) and she still had a lot to do, yet wanted to make the time to see me. It's not a surprise because that's the type of person she is. From the day we began talking, she is the one person I talk to the most. Even better when we began texting, and we text all day, everyday. Sometimes it's sporadic, but I talk to her throughout the day and almost every morning we say good morning and say good night to each other at night. Even now that she's gone and we can't text (not international texting) we still send short emails and she sends me pictures. She's still the one I speak to most and it makes me happy knowing that she is enjoying her trip even though I miss her.
I hope the thought of meeting someone doesn't prevent people from coming out. It's worth coming out for yourself and once you are happy and accept who you are, you will find other people like you. I've discovered after being married to someone I have nothing in common with (other than we both like women) exactly how important it is to wait to find people you do have something in common with. And coming out is so liberating, I can't express that enough. There are rough patches and some days are bad, but they slowly get better and to be who you are is the most amazing feeling and then you will attract others because of that. I know how scary it is when you're in the closet and the future seems uncertain, but only you can decide what happens after. It's a big change, and it's confusing and scary and somedays you want to climb back in, but you have to take control of your life and your future and most importantly remember you are not responsible for others' reactions. I know you will feel guilt about causing pain, I know that too well, but you also need to remember you didn't choose to be gay, it's who you are, and it's something to be proud of. I came out to one of my old managers that I worked for, and she told me that this makes me special and it doesn't matter whether others think, I should be proud of who I am. Never forget this, you are who you are, and always be proud of that because there is nothing you can do to change it. Ok, not sure how this post turned into one about my friend to coming out, but there you go. My wisdom for today

 

Sugerskull, I got butterflies just reading it. It must have been something! :icon_wink

 

So, how was it??? Was she surprised, how did she react?

 

That's sounds so wonderful, I'm happy for you.
Be careful, I"m also worried about you. What are you going to do, are the two of you going to talk about the kiss or are you going to act like it never happened, or have you not thought that far? I really hope everything works out for you.

 

Sugarskull at least you now have an answer and can now move forward. I hope things work out for you. I can't imagine the day when I would say " I kissed my crush".

I know what you mean when you mention the tension. My crush quite often leans against me when we're looking at something and I can't concentrate - all I can think about is where we're touching and the electricity traveling up my arm,leg, whatever. Why does she do that? There's no real need for it so she obviously does it on purpose. Bear in mind we still haven't spoken about us so I'm still always looking for clues. Is this a clue?

HTBO thank you for your words of wisdom. Very much appreciated and wise. If only I could be strong. I'm scared I'll decide I can 'function' in this marriage so long as he doesn't want to get intimate. Its the path of least resistance. Yes I'll be miserable with no emotional connection but it won't rock the boat. I'm convinced now I'll never be with my crush so a way forward would be on my own. Scarey thought......

 

Wow! The day I decided to post on and reopen this thread I never imagined the responses that would follow! I feel like I have found so many friends to share with, in a world where I thought I stood alone.
HTBO -thank you so much for your wisdom, you are certainly an inspiration to me. I just need some courage!
Sugarskull- I am so excited for you! I couldn't stop smiling, just reading what you wrote!
Stella66- We are in the same boat, believe me! I have been in this marriage for so many years and so afraid of the consequences that being honest will bring. I too am afraid I will end up continuing to "exist" in my present situation and just try to make it through each day. Seems kind of cruel and the more I play out in my mind all the possible scenarios of how things could turn out the more I want to go back to my closet where things are safe but miserable…..

 

Ladies, you will only be able to 'play wife' for so long. There will come a time that it is more painful not to come out than to keep your secret. You're not ready yet, and you will know when you are. When your time comes I will be here to help each of you through it. We can't forget what we now know or return to the closet. We tried to deny and repress for a long time, yet eventually the we did realize the truth which tells me that you won't be able to pretend forever. This will probably scare you but also provide comfort. Change is terrifying, especially when the consequences can be very negative, but on the other hand, things will improve after and you may someday find peace. I used to think that it was worth it to continue being in pain and save my family the pain, but I was wrong and it wasn't until I reached the point where it was more painful not to come out for me to realize that. I had to be ready.
Waterfall, we love this group!! We found friends with similar situations and a place to vent and find support. It's our little family.
Stella, I agree with sugarskull. I don't go around touching everyone, just those I'm attracted to/have a crush on Does that make me sound like a pervert?? You know what i mean

---------- Post added 2nd Aug 2014 at 08:00 PM ----------

sugarskull, yes figure everything out individually. Excellent plan, and responsible

 

"I don't go around touching everyone, just those I'm attracted to/have a crush on"

Lol. When you put it like that. I hadn't thought of it that way....its true, I don't touch any other colleague unless its accidental and we both move away as quickly as possible and apologise. For my crush and I it seems to be 'what we do' and neither of us pulls away...

Just to warn you all that we are not going to see each other for 2 weeks now due to other work commitments, with no contact for the first week and only emails the second. I never thought I would have been able to cope with not seeing her for so long but I'm not too bad at the moment. I plan to keep busy and not wallow. I am counting the days though... So I apologise in advance if I go downhill rapidly in the coming days.

 

Sugarskull I am so jealous and so pleased for you at the same time. You can now hold your head up and live the rest of your life as you please. You have been so sensible (im impressed) and been really fair with your boyfriend. I hope he continues to be supportive. Do you live together? Does your crush know? Sorry, so many questions.

I know when I see my crush again we will say we missed each other- we've said it before when we've been apart longer than a weekend but it is quite superficial and joky. Quite often we'll talk about what happened at the weekend and there have been situations where she'll say she thought, at the time, that I would have liked something or found something funny and I can say the same type thing to her. We dont seem to make any secret of the fact we think about each other when we are apart which again I see as a clue, but you know what I'm like......

 

Congratulations sugarskull! Magical kisses, have to love those The series of reactions your bf had is exactly the same series of reactions my ex husband had, and is still supportive. Be prepared there may be days that have there lows, it may hit him harder on some days than others and you may hear about it. If this happens remember it's not you personally he's upset at but the situation. You can't change who you are, and never feel guilty for being who you are.
How are you doing?? It can be a little overwhelming at times once you have done it and you know that now your life will change (for the better of course ) I'm so happy for you, I know how relieved you must feel.

 

I felt very normal originally as well, but then after a little time had passed I didn't like that feeling because everything wasn't normal, I had changed. That's when I began to come out even more (it's much easier after you have this one over with). I have literally spent since the beginning of May trying to 'find myself'. Since coming out I realized there was so much I had done because I was supposed to and didn't necessarily want to or like it. It is exciting thinking about the rest of your life. I felt so free and excited, and I still do because I'm still 'transitioning', but not as much as before. One of the things I noticed is that I no longer cared what other people thought of me and began to be the person I want, and i am so much happier. Coming out to myself and to everyone else is something I do not regret; I am much stronger and have improved as a person because of it.

 

So much has happened. I feel I missed some amazing moments here. I am a mix of some many emotions. I am happy for all of the ladies here progressing towards happiness. It so wonderful to hear. But I am so sad for myself. Why didn't I have the bravery that some of you have shown? Why didn't I continue what I started almost two years ago? Why am I so scared? Ugh!!

Sugarskull, it is so amazing you were able to tell your bf. I hope everything goes well from here for you. I wish you so much love and happiness.

HTBO, I am glad to hear you have found someone who makes you happy and all goes well in September.

I am going out of town to spend two days with my mini support group of those who I am out to. Hopefully I can find the courage I need while gone to maybe tell my husband when I get back.

Love to all here.