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This has NEVER happened before..

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sugarskull, Jul 7, 2014.

  1. sugarskull

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    So theres a girl at my work who I have the biggest crush on. Actually how I feel for her is helping me realise that I am gay.
    We were outside getting ready to leave work, talking for a bit...then we hugged good bye.
    But it wasn't just a hug....I can't even explain it but it just felt so... like connected. My stomach went instantly crazy, my face got hot. And it was just a hug. That feeling has never hit me before. I couldn't think straight afterwards (I almost ran a red light) and it kept me up because I kept thinking about it. A HUG. Just a hug.

    Oh man, what is happening to me...
     
  2. Really

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    Something nice?
     
  3. StillHere

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    You sound like planktons feelings during the FUN song haha!


    But it is great you have this feeling. I have had similar experiences with a close friend of mine. Just don't let the thought take over you :slight_smile:
     
  4. sugarskull

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    Its great and miserable all at the same time...cuz I can't act on it.
     
  5. Really

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    I would take comfort in the fact that these things can actually come out of nowhere. So... It obviously can happen again. And maybe you can act on it then!
     
  6. The Spark

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    Is she also..?
     
  7. sugarskull

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    Yes. She is gay. Out. And in a relationship. As am I, with a man. So it makes it soooo hard. But this feeling... I can't stop thinking about it. Even thinking about it makes my stomach flip...
     
  8. GeekMonkey

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    I definitely know that feeling.
    I actually first experienced it in my early teens and it helped me figure out my sexuality.
    It's nice and wonderful, but always made me feel odd hugging the other person, out of fear they might notice what the hug is making me feel.
    With regards to unrequited crushes, I am feeling you, been trying to get over my current crush for 4 months now, still as madly in love with her as ever.
     
    SweetT80 likes this.
  9. Melanie

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    :slight_smile:
     
  10. asdfghjk

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    this is the beginniing of a bargain bin paperback novel with a corny cover, but gayer....... *sweats nervously*
     
  11. Sig

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    Waiting for next chapter . . . what happens after the hug? *Holding breath*
     
  12. lovinladies

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    This happened to me! I had noticed myself looking at girls but never put any thought in it. Then me and my frien nearly kissed, BAMN I question my entire universe.
     
  13. sugarskull

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    Well, luckily, in a way... I told her how I couldn't sleep that night and she asked why. All I said was "That hug..." And she replied.."I know." She felt it too, and it too was on her mind all night. My head got spinning. I'm not a cheater, but if all I have to do is hug her to feel like my whole body will melt, I will never want to let go. This is tough. Really Tough.
    Now we find ourselfs staring at each other. And our faces turn red.

    You would think a 16 year old was writing this, not a almost 30 yo.
     
  14. DancingGirl

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    Oh my. All of this sounds so familiar. I was living moments just like this two years ago. I was walking on air all the time. My stomach still flips when I see her. Two years later.

    I totally understand the 16 year old thing. I feel it everytime I think about her. No married 37 yr old should be having these thoughts....but then again it sure is nice.
     
  15. HTBO

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    I call the girl this happened to my trigger crush. Poor you! I know how you feel. I remember with me it was a smile. She's a prof and I was her TA, first class, and a student asked a really stupid question and she handled so well, and she smiled and looked me as if to say 'you see what happens sometimes' it was like only the two us were there. But I didn't realize at that time. I worked all week-end and it was all I could think about, and I kept asking why am I thinking about this until I realized, I liked it. Then I thought, why did I like it, I can't be gay, that's impossible lol. But it began the roller coaster ride I have been on since then. I did eventually after a lot of thinking and reflection and at some point realized how much I had repressed and denied and that yes, I was gay. The prof, I had to TA for her the following semester as well. She's also gay but one a prof and two in a relationship. And I was married with kids. It was painful, and I know I would never cheat on my husband, but if the opportunity had come with her, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. It was a feeling unlike anything I have ever experienced, the connection with women is so different than men. Eventually I realized I actually have no interest in men, but was with them because it was expected, and I did tell my husband and we are now separated. My crush I haven't seen since April, but the distance has helped put in perspective that she was a crush and that's it. She was the reason I discovered who the real me is, and she was a very important person in my life because of these things, even though she will never know. I am prepared to see her in September, and I see her as a prof only now. Maybe not exactly the same as any other prof but that's because she influenced me in a tremendous way. She will have a special place with me because of that.
    I feel for you. It's wonderful that you know who you are and that this woman is the reason you realized it. Maybe it will turn out good for you, but I'm going to warn you, be careful. This crush will control you and take over your life, you may become obsessed with it, and I don't want to scare you but it is painful and exhilarating at the same time. There is another member on here, Stella99, and if you can find some of her posts, you will see the similarity with my situation and the pain she is experiencing because of her crush. It was never expected and you will feel things you didn't know you could. I really hope that isn't what happens in your case, it would be nice for someone to end up with their trigger crush. Stella if you read this, I'm rooting for you as well :slight_smile:
    Welcome to EC, and congratulations on finding the path to the real you!
     
  16. ABeautifulMind

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    I like that term, "trigger crush." And it usually ends up being a hug. Do you have any idea how embarrassing a hug can be to a guy? especially an allegedly straight arrow guy hugging another guy. And the hug just lasts a couple seconds longer than normal. Im not gonna spell it out :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


    This is a lovely story, but I am a little concerned because you are both in relationships. However I know if I could have done ANYTHING with my trigger crush, I would not have given a fuck about the girl I was dating at the time. I suppose I shouldnt be putting these evil thoughts in your head, the ones already there dont need company :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  17. DancingGirl

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    Mine started with a hug too. I had never noticed another body against me like that before. I still recall how she smelled.

    But I am concerned too. Just cuz I was there before. I know it all feels fresh and fun and wonderful. But I have said it before I feel you are treading dangerous waters. Plz be careful. It is real easy to get all caught up in it and then end up hurt. I know I am doing the hurt stage right now and still trying to tell my husband I am queer. Good luck.
     
  18. HTBO

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    DancingGirl, it does get easier. I think moving from the obsessed to the hurt stage was the most difficult. One of the things I did was send her an email, it was my way of saying good-bye. Of course, it was easy for me to do because of the prof/student relationship, but I told her that she had a huge impact on me and my life and that I learned a lot from her, and made a lot of changes because of her. We did have a good relationship, and she did influence me in ways other than realizing I'm gay. She was the first person I came out to, so she did know and understand what I was talking about, she just didn't know she was my trigger crush and the extent of the impact. It felt good to send it to her, and the response I received was very good as well. I found it helped a lot to do that, and I don't know if something like that is possible for you, and even if not, you can still write the email as a way of expressing how you feel and not send it. It might help.
     
  19. DancingGirl

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    Thanks for the suggestion. We are a bit beyond this though. We had a year and a half emotional affair. And four months of heavy making out. I had wanted to be together. Leave our current partners and plan some kind of life together. She decided that wasn't what she wanted and is staying with her gf. We share feelings and promises. I know more about her than her than her gf of seven years. So it hurts pretty bad. That is why I am concerned about Sugarskull. I dont want to see her get hurt also.
     
  20. HTBO

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    I'm sorry, yes that would be painful. I can't imagine if I had actually started something with mine. I don't know if I'd ever have been able to overcome that. They become your whole world and it's all you see. I agree about being concerned about Sugarskull.
    Sugarskull, I feel like a mother telling her children not to go down the same painful path I did. And knowing that you will probably think, it'll be different for you. We're here for you whatever happens.