This has NEVER happened before..

Stella, you are making progress!! Yes, sounds like you may be headed towards seeing her as a friend only

 

Same!
For me, it started with a hug too...and it hasn't stopped. I want this girl-my friend, Jasmine- more than I've ever wanted any guy. She's smart, funny, talented, sweet, amazing-so BEAUTIFUL...beyond words. She's bi, which is great, but she likes a guy friend of hers:'(
I want to tell her how I feel, but I don't want her rejection- and in all honesty, I don't want to be a lesbian, or even bi. I don't want to like her. but fighting it, denying it, hiding it- that sucks. I want to be able to tell my family about her without being judged or looked at differently.
Most of all, I want to tell her.
Please help me.
Please.

 

You can try fighting it, but it probably won't help. And I'm sure the rest will agree.
She may not know how you feel about her, and if she's bi, then there is that chance she will be receptive. Are either one of you in a relationship at this time? It doesn't hurt to start flirting with her and see how she reacts.
As far as not wanting to be a lesbian or bi and not wanting to like her, it's natural to feel like that. It goes against everything we've been taught, not to mention it makes us minorities. Seems scary now, but it's not bad. It's actually very liberating to know who you are and to be yourself. I would never go back to being 'straight', not for anything. We may be the minorities, but I find as I'm more open and honest with myself, I notice 'dominant' society is actually the ones who are oppressed by the chains of conformity. Lol, that my wisdom for today
You have come to a good place and you will find a lot of support and hopefully some advice you will consider useful. This thread is a good place for this topic. I was actually thinking about posting here today to bring it back to the top. Wanted to check in with everybody and see how their situations are with their crushes/spouse/boyfriends.

 

Well, I'm a bit taken aback at the way my crush spoke to me today. In the7 months we've worked together there has never been a cross word. The total opposite in fact. We usually spend our days constantly chuckling and kidding each other on, making fun of each other and being so relaxed. We play mind games a lot with each trying to outwit the other. So generally the atmosphere is just so relaxed and happy. But today she took one of my kidding comments about some work she was doing as serious and really got quite annoyed. I was so taken aback. First, that she would think I would honestly criticise her work and second, given that my company employs her company to do work for us, being professionally correct, it wasn't an appropriate way to speak to the client. I suppose I'm past being 'the client' to her when I think of some things she kids me on about and I can ask her if she thinks that is appropriate conversation to have with 'the client'. I can't have it both ways. We did discuss the issue and agreed there had been a misunderstanding and made a joke of it for the rest of the day but the whole incident really shook me up.

Is the honeymoon over?

In one bizarre way I know she wouldn't have behaved like she did with anyone else, but it was so unlike her. Even if she did think I was criticising her work I would have expected her to make a joke of it. (That sounds so silly but it's just how we are with each other)

Don't really know what I want people to say, guess I just needed to tell someone.....
Thanks for listening.

 

Stella-well my crush and I went through alot of ups and downs. We had very emotional days, some tense days, some sad days and some really wonderful days. Sorry but I can't remember if you two have talked about your crush statis.But we had we both knew right from the start and had spoken about it. We have been through many stages of my coming out together. We are both in commited relationships. Neither in the best shape. But once see had told me she definately was not leaving hers things were very tense for a while. But there are lots of things that can create this sorts of situations.
Looking back at my crush relationship I realized I was more involved in my crush than I should have been. Maybe I should have sought out help for my coming out and talking to my husband. Because unless I am free it really doesnt matter how she feels about me and the other way around. I am not offering any advice just telling you my experience and feelings. Hoping to give you some insight. Good luck darling.

 

For me it started with a smile. I was just looking at my friend and we smiled at each other and it just hit me. Before I knew what was happening to me I'd fallen so hard for her. She's just so beautiful, and quirky, and kind.
That's when I was forced to accept that I wasn't straight; which was the scariest things I've ever had to admit to myself. Unfortunately she's straight, and so are all my other close friends, so I have no one to talk to about this.
I'm really afraid that if I tell one of my friends they won't believe me, or they'll treat me differently. I'm not as worried about other people judging me- I've been ostracised for various reasons for most my life and have come to have quite a thick skin when it comes to threats, insults, betrayal and everything in between. But I'm terrified that those who matter most: my friends and family won't believe or accept me.

 

stella, maybe she was just having a bad day, or maybe she knows that she may have to leave and is trying to protect herself and pull back. I don't really know, just some ideas.

nomdeplume, how do your friends and family feel about LGBT individuals? Do you think they are accepting? I was worried mine wouldn't believe me either (37, married, and kids). Most did, my parents think it's a phase, but only time will show them it's not. I finally realized it doesn't matter if they believe me because I know and that's all that's important.

 

I think my mum might be ok with it but my dad seems to be fine with gays and lesbians but he views bisexuality/pansexuality etc. as being in denial or sitting on the fence. He would also be deeply, deeply hurt if I told my mum first and he ever found out, which means if I do come out to them I'd have to come out to them at the same time.
I think some of my friends would believe me but wouldn't be sure how to act around me and others would just not believe me and think I'm just saying it to be different, even if they wouldn't say that to my face. My oldest friend would be fine with it, but lately she's stopped talking to me so I don't feel comfortable telling her.
I know this is a far better situation than others are in but I'm feeling really torn; a part of me does want to come out and tell them but the other part is really scared to do that.

 

Omg, that's so cute awwwww <333

But seriously, that's great! I love those feelings, but I don't get them often, sadly. I remember being so affected by a hug too - It was when I saw my 8th grade crush in the store this year - Oh my goodness, I was trying to control my nervousness so much when she hugged me, but I still felt myself shaking - And then afterwards, while me and my continued shopping, I couldn't stop smiling! Luckily my mom didn't notice lol xD

But yes, I hope things can maybe work out for you soon. I'm already shipping you guys haha Love is a precious thing, so if you really want to be with her - Well, just follow your heart and I wish the best of luck for you two! <3 And I'm glad you are experiencing such amazing love <3

 

I've felt that too, I kept tricking them in to hugging me.

 

Thanks DancinGirl, no we haven't discussed any feelings so it does make it harder.


HTBO_ that thought ran past me too that she is trying to pull back to make leaving easier, maybe for my benefit or hers too. I don't know. What really struck me was that is the first time she has let her professional guard down. I'm trying not to analyse it to the nth degree, as I do with everything. I had decided when she asks tomorrow ' did you have a good weekend' I was going to say no as her outburst really shook me up but I think I'm just going to let it go. She's probably forgotten about it anyway.

 

Stella, it's probably a good idea to just let it go. She may feel bad about it, and say something, but I wouldn't bring it up. If it's something that becomes regular, you can just ask her if she's ok and that may open the door for her to tell you what's wrong. It's very possible she is preparing herself for her departure, I tried to do the same with my crush, but I was unsuccessful lol.

Sugarskull, I completely agree. It's nice to have a place where we can all relate and are experiencing the same problems.

 

Sugarskull, Congratulations! I'm so happy for you(*hug*).

 

Omg, sugarskull, I so get the music thing! I've came across 2cds since I found my crush and I play them non stop. They both just seem to be so apt for the moment. I've since discovered that one was written by the artist about a guy he loved but the guy didn't know and he never ever told him. Complete chance that I came across this...I also seem to want to play music more when I'm at home, I used to enjoy the silence. Thinking about it, I don't know if that relates to a previous question about taking your mind off your crush where I replied that, for me, being in company helps. Listening to music focuses the mind a bit (I always end up singing....)so maybe its a way to distract me from my crush. Being on my own in a silent house is when I have my worst moments.

 

Ah music. So many songs make me think of her. Music is what brought us together. I was her "dancing friend" hence the name DancingGirl. We would put music on and just dance around her house. It was the best couple of nights. We had so much fun. Then these feelings came. Watching her so happy she looked so beautiful. I had always found women attractive but it was like her soul was glowing lighting up her face.then if she got near me her energy would carress mine. It was so amazing. But I was so confused. What are these feelings? She is my friend. Oh my, oh dear wow I wish she woukld look at me like that again. Bam! Those eyes are watching me again. Why does she have to be so beautiful?
So I have felt music so differently since then. Everytime I dance I feel her watching me. Just lovely.

Sorry for that moment ladies. I am mourning her.

 

Yes, music does make sense, in a way it never has before. I never used to listen to slow romantic songs; now I love them and understand.
DancingGirl, your story sounds beautiful. What a wonderful memory to have. Thanks for sharing, and you can have as many moments as you need. Mourning is never easy.

 

Thanks HTBO. It is so wonderful having all of this support. I have moved from obsessive to coping and possibly moving on. I am getting really close to telling my husband. That still may mean some months but I see it coming. Where before it wasnt really a thought unless I could be with her. Now I just want to move onto being me. I will hold her dearly but am ready to do this alone and maybe meet someone wonderful when the time is right.