Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by DAXIII, Oct 26, 2016.
It means goodbye
It does seem like this thread has reached its end. I really am sorry that we were not able to help you. I do hope you find what you are looking for.
Please take care of yourself.
There is a different between being sexually attracted to them and liking them. I want to like women in a sexual and romantic way but I can't, it's just admiration.
And for what it's worth we are just specks in a sea of space, nothing we do matters.
Admitting myself to be gay is painful and literally causes me physics harm. It means my want to be with a woman isn't going to happen. I've tried the whole gay thing and hated it. I hate having sex with guys but I can't stop wanting it. It's like being in prison and you can't find the key to get out.[/QUOTE]
I understand what you mean when you say there's a difference between "liking guys" has in like wanting to start a family with 1, or going on dates with 1 or taking walks with 1. For me to say "It's the same thing" would be a lie. Men and Woman aren't the same thing. (If they were no one would be gay LOL)
There was a phase during my self acceptance where I knew I was sexually attracted to guys. I HATED that. If I had "fantasy's" about being with 1 romantically it seemed dull, it didn't seem like it was or could ever be what people call "love". I found myself in this weird place where I'd sexually fantasize about men and romantically fantasize about woman.
What you have to realize is that, it's just different. When you fantasize about being with a guy it just isn't the same as with a girl. I get that, I wish I was straight. I highly doubt there will ever be a part of my life where I don't at least somewhat desire to be straight. But the reality of it is, you are not straight. This can't be "fixed". It can't be, and I'm sorry. Like seriously if it were up to me no one would have to go through this. But that can't change, the same way you can't change your skin color. You could dwell about it, maybe you wish you had tan skin (I dunno your skin tone obviously maybe you already are lol) You can't have it, you can't change that part of you. Maybe you want blue eyes (assuming you don't have them lol) you simply may not have them. It's true you will NEVER reach your self goal of perfection. Just realize that, you'll never ever be a perfect you. You won't, you can't be.
Now, stop dwelling on what you can't have. It's true you don't got everything but you got something, and it's you. And you are capable of adapting. I assume your life was totally and completely different for you say 10 years ago. Times change and so do you in some ways. You CAN learn to be okay with liking guys. It's not ideal. But you got sexual attraction to guys, not girls. And at least in my opinion, a guy is better than no one.
You control yourself, and you also very easily could date a girl and just make do. But why would you do that to yourself? (Like seriously please list your reasons as to why you would want to do this so we can understand you)
And you're correct we are just specs of dust. We are pretty much nothing in comparison to the realm of all of existence. But being tiny is not the same as being worthless. You could be adam small and the most important soul that ever existed. You could be the size of a solar system and simply just be there existing. Size does NOT define your value. I know this isn't just a matter of size. Spirituality and religion are two different things and I dunno your religion so I'm addressing your spirituality when I say this. What exactly could have made your existence matter anymore or any less than it currently does? Would you matter more if you ruled a kingdom? If yes, What exactly gave the kingdom importance.
Would you matter less if you were living in extreme poverty all alone in some undeveloped country? If yes, why does that make you less of a soul?
Life is definitely precious. Precious things are things that are limited. People value gold because there's not much of it, if gold grew on trees it wouldn't be valued. If grass was extremely rare and only small patches of it existed it would be value able.
There isn't a million of you. There's 1 of you. And lucky you got him. Please, take care of him. There's less of him than there is gold in the world. He will pass long before some trees will. You're extremely valuable and very limited. If life lasted forever it wouldn't matter, death is what gives life value. You currently have a rare you, and he's loaded with tons of extremely precious life. He will run out, but there's no point in wasting him well he's here. You're just so high in worth.
You said it's like a prison, but it doesn't have to be like a prison. Are you trapped being gay? yes. Can you get out? no. So lets stop trying to escape because you're trapped, it's useless.
You're trapped in a life felt, original human being capable of loving another being of the same gender and able to create meaning of his life. So you should do it, because honestly there's no other way to live happily. And being gay doesn't hurt you, your self imagine hurts you.
I guess it's not so bad. At least not as bad as I made it out to be originally. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I have to pretend to be some way or prove it to anyone. It's just liking guys. I guess there's nothing bad about that
As we've all said you cannot really enjoy life if you are pretending to be someone else all the time - whether that is pretending to other people or pretending to yourself. The pretense would prevent any real connections to people at any level because you don't see yourself as part of those relationships.
That's why self-acceptance is so important, not just about sexuality, but also about our interests (however quirky or odd) and our habits or even dress sense. As Guff said we can always impose unrealistic perfectionist ideals on ourselves but that that just makes us miserable because that perfection is unreachable. I hope you realise that you don't have to be nor should you be so hard on yourself and that you should work on the things you can change rather than punishing yourself for what cannot be changed.
In relation to overcoming shyness, read through those sites and see if you can get any tips from people. I can't remember who made the suggestion here but the suggestion of focusing on just small talk with people (in a queue situation or something) which has no further implications will be a good way to build up your confidence. I know you don't like small talk but the point of trying it out is to make you more confident in speaking to people.
I really hope you are able to move on with your life and be happy whatever you end up doing.
I think that you don't really like yourself very much, and that doesn't have anything to do with being gay or not. You need to fix this before you can think clearly about your orientation.
I'm pretty well aware of my orientation and it was the source of much of my issues. Liking yourself has nothing to do with that as orientation is pretty simple to solve (at least for me).
But no I don't particularly like myself. My future doesn't look too good in all honesty. I recognize I'm a strange bird who likely won't have friends because of how odd he is. It's difficult to accept that fact but I'm getting used to it. I've been alone a good part of my life, what's some decades more?
---------- Post added 17th Nov 2016 at 11:07 AM ----------
It's not self acceptance that's the issue. It's knowing that others will never accept me for being myself. But it's something I'm slowly getting used to, like being alone. I knew I wouldn't expect to find others like me and I was right. You forget the fact that I'm simply too odd for anyone else. I guess I should stop trying to appeal to people, but in the process I won't make any friends by being myself (ironic really). Oh well.......can't win them all.
Well...the last 200+ posts or so have been nothing but numerous other people saying they accept you, so in my mind, thats a heck of a lot of effort put into people "not accepting" you hahah xD
With all respect that is due, these people don't know me in reality so their acceptance means nothing without first hand experience. It's merely a token gesture to be nice.
If you think all this is merely a token gesture to be nice then it is you don't understand what we are trying to do. We aren't here to be nice or as a token gesture. We are here to try and help you. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that we have been able to.
Nothing you've said about yourself sounds odd enough to make it impossible to be friends. All you say is that you can't be friends with people but as friendship is a mutual thing without specifics your statements are just noise. From what you've said here, which admittedly might not be a comprehensive view of you (but then in some ways you've probably been more yourself here by speaking out than in real life), you don't seem odd at all. Just conflicted, depressed and determined to persecute yourself.