I think I might have ruined things forever...my life is such a mess

Aaaw, it's so sweet to see that people actually care what happens to me You guys are the best

I sat him down and asked him he felt after coming out to Maria, he said he felt really good and that he was glad I'd convinced him to come out. He said he still wants to wait a bit before we come out as a couple to our other friends, and I'm perfectly fine with that. He's okay with me coming out to my parents as long as I don't mention his name because he's super afraid of them finding out that he's in a relationship with me, and them telling his parents. If I decide to come out to my parents, I'll only tell them that I'm seeing someone and here I'm going to follow NoClue's advice and tell them that I don't want to tell them who it is yet because it's a pretty new relationship.

I'm going to answer your comments later but right now I just want to spend some time with Martin, since he's leaving for Spain tomorrow :/

 

Mav:

Martin was born in Sweden and has lived here all his life, but his parents are from South America (one is from Argentina, the other one's from Uruguay) and basically everyone on his mother's side of the family has moved to Spain so that's why they're going there to celebrate Christmas.

He left for the airport like an hour ago (he was staying at my place) and it feels really empty here :/ He'll be back on December 28th and I'll be going away to northern Sweden to see some family there on the 27th and I won't be back home until the beginning of January which is so far away Which means I don't get to see him for weeks Saying goodbye to him was much more difficult than I'd ever imagined it would be. There may have been some tears involved, both from me and him.

We talked about everything last night, I think that was the most intimate discussion we've ever had and I was taken aback by how much I love him. I never thought it possible to feel that strongly for another human being. He's amazing. He makes me feel special and wanted and I'm so glad I have him in my life because I honestly couldn't imagine being together with someone that isn't him. Knowing it was going to be our last night together for a while, we decided to *ahem* go all the way (we'd never done that before...he'd done it with his ex girlfriend but I was a virgin). Not going to make this too TMI, but initially there was some pain (quite a lot actually) and it was sort of awkward too, but it was also really intimate and romantic.

Thanks! i'm so happy everything worked out for us, seriously. I'm so happy he feels the same for me because I doubt I'd ever find someone like him.

DrkRayne, NoClue and WhiteShadows: thanks a lot for your comment!

 

NoClue: I've texted him pretty much non stop since he left, haha. And I think I'll definitely spend some time here during the holidays because I've been staying at my parents' place since Saturday and I'm already pretty bored. (Nope, still haven't come out).

SaudadeCoimbra: Aaaw.

I hadn't really given that much thought at all but it definitely sounds like that could be why he's afraid. I know for a fact that his immediate family (parents and siblings) aren't religious at all, but if his parents were raised in a catholic society, it wouldn't surprise me if they're slightly homophobic. I believe chances are that his extended family is homophobic and much more so than his immediate family, though.

 

WhiteShadows
I'm sort of friends with his twin sister and she's super sweet and I'm almost certain she's not homophobic because I don't know, it doesn't really seem like her. she's really nice and cares about other people a lot.
I've met his parents many times, but I don't really know them. They were very nice and super polite when I met them. I don't know if they'd react badly if he'd come out to them, but I don't think so. Like I said, I wouldn't know for sure.

I hope his family's not the reason why he's so afraid because that would be a really hard problem to solve, I think :/

Aaaaw :icon_redf

 

I did it guys; I came out to my mom!

my dad and my brothers went to do some last minute christmas shopping but i chose to stay home with my mom. we started preparing some christmas food together and talked. me and her are super close, we've been through a lot together and she gets me better than anyone else.

i was debating whether to tell her and she noticed i was quiet, so she asked me if i was okay. i said yeah, fine, it's nothing big. she then asked if i meant what i'd just said (bit of a background to all this: i battled depression for two years when i was a teenager and my mom's literally the reason why i'm alive now, and long story short she doesn't exactly trust me when i say i'm fine. i know she's super afraid that my depression will return) and then i just said yeah, i'm fine, now let it go. i then decided to tell her and i started off by asking her if she loves me. she stopped doing what she was doing and said of course baby, i do, what's the matter? by now I was shaking pretty badly so i just said "but would you love me no matter what?" and she was like "of course baby, of course i would. is there something you would like to tell me?"

then i just paused for a while, and told her that i'd had feelings for someone for close to a year and that we'd been going out since september basically but that we'd been a couple since november and she was like "that's so amazing, baby". i then paused for a while and then i told her that the person i'm seeing is a man. i was so close to start crying then and she saw that and just hugged me and told me that she loved me and that she always had and always would too. i asked her if it weirded her out that i was seeing a guy and she told me no, of course not baby. i then said that i wasn't sure how i'd describe myself but said that i think i am either bisexual or gay and then I started crying. she just hugged me and told me she loved me and that everything's okay and that i have nothing to worry about.

we talked a bit more and she asked me if i'm happy, and i said happier than i've ever been. she then asked who i'm seeing and i said we weren't ready to talk about it yet, and she then asked if it's martin. i asked her how she'd know that and she said i'd been talking about him in a way which made her believe i like him. i was a bit surprised and asked her if she knew i was into guys even before i told her, and she said that she'd suspected it for years.

she said she thinks i should tell dad and my brothers too, which i will either tonight or tomorrow.

I'm so glad that went well! it's a shame I outed martin though :/ or rather it wasn't me, it was my mom, but still. i need to tell him that :/ my mom promised me she wouldn't tell anyone it's him though, which is pretty good i guess.

---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2013 at 08:20 PM ----------

NoClue: I seriously don't think they're that conservative either, but I think his fear must come from somewhere so I'm just wonder whether there's an factual base to his fear :/

 

I came out to one of my brothers last night too. We were playing video games and I was texting Martin pretty much non-stop while we were playing. My brother got sort of annoyed and asked me if I were texting my girlfriend. I answered "no, but I am texting my boyfriend." My brother just laughed and when he noticed I wasn't laughing, he was like "seriously?". I said yes, and my brother just went 'cool' and asked me how long we'd been dating. and then he said he's really happy for me and that he hopes to meet my boyfriend sometime. so I'm glad that went well too.

Thank you for your comments, you're all lovely!

AKTodd and NoClue:
I know I need to tell him because basically I made a promise to him and I broke that promise and I feel really bad about this. I don't think I want to tell him over the phone, I want to do it face to face. I definitely don't want to do it via text. The problem is that I won't see him for a couple of weeks and not telling him for a couple of weeks feels pretty bad to be honest. But I think I'm going to wait anyway because I want to be there when I tell him.

WhiteShadows: my mom's the best, seriously. she came into my room last night and told me she loves me again when I was about to go to bed. It's sort of worrying that both her and Maria knew that I had feelings for Martin before I told them, because that's made me wonder how obvious I've been with my feelings :/