Sorry about the long post! so I don't really know how to begin this...I met my best friend in high school and we became really good friends. After high school, he started working immediately whereas I moved away to go to university. We remained close friends, despite only ever seeing each other a couple of times a year. I mean we texted each other and talked on Facebook and stuff, but it just isn't the same. Fast forward three years and I had just finished university and moved back home. I had found an apartment and gotten a job and being back home again, I started hanging out with my best friend again. I immediately found things between us to be different. There was this weird tension between us that simply just wasn't there when we first became friends. And I started to feel nervous and a bit funny around him. While I was away at uni, I dated a couple of girls but it never got more serious than that. My friend was still seeing his high school girlfriend at that time. Anyways, we started hanging out just like we did in high school...he would come over to watch movies, we'd be going to football (soccer) matches together etc etc. It took me six months to realize that those weird feelings I had been feeling around him were, indeed, romantic feelings for him and it took me even longer to accept it. In May this year, he broke up with his GF. The breakup was hard on him and I spent basically the whole summer trying to make him feel better while I myself was trying to deal with my crush on him. This summer, we both got really drunk and ended up kissing. When that happened, I knew for sure that I was into him because it felt a million times better than when I'd kissed a girl. We didn't talk about it and I didn't know if he even remembered it. A part of me wanted him to remember it I guess. One night, he came over to my place and we had a bit to drink. We were nowhere near drunk though, and we started messing around. We ended up giving each other hand jobs and afterwards he freaked and went home. Things were really awkward between us for a while but then he started coming over to my place again and acted like nothing had happened. Things were like that for a while and then we ended up in bed together again. We basically had sex a couple of times a week but we never spoke about it. Fast forward to October, when he decided to stay the night (this had never happened before). We had sex and cuddled afterwards and he slept in my bed and I held him as he slept and it was the most wonderful feeling. Up until this point, he'd never let me hold him or touch him or hug him, but he still didn't let me kiss him. After this I realized I was in love with him, it was just not a crush. I was also questioning myself...up until that point I always thought I was straight. I was so scared because I didn't want to be gay and just the thought of coming out scared me so bad but then I figured I could deal with all that if I could just get to be with him. I decided to sit him down and talk to him about it, so I asked him what we were doing, if he wanted this to be something serious or not, but he just avoided the question and went back to his place. The following weeks, he stayed over several nights a week and we ended up having sex and cuddling every single night he stayed here. I tried to ask him the same questions again but he refused to answer them. It started to kill me because I knew I was in love with him and also that I would like us to be together and it was also really annoying that he straight out refused to talk about us (and that he still refused to kiss me while sober...). It was like he was giving me a part of himself but not everything, if that makes sense. When last weekend came around, he came over to my place and stayed the night again and I felt like I had to tell him how I felt about him. On Sunday I tried to ask him the same questions again and again he refused to talk about it so I sort of lost it I guess and told him that I had feelings for him, that what I was feeling for him was real and that I needed to know what he felt for me. He basically started pacing the room and then he walked up to me and kissed me (our first sober kiss!). He then freaked out, started crying and left. I haven't heard from him since. So what do I do now? It's Thursday and I still haven't talked to him, and we usually talk to each other several times a day. I know for a fact that I'm in love with him, like I really really love him and I want to be with him but I'm so afraid I've ruined things between us forever now. I would do everything for this guy, I'm sure I could never find anyone like him. Maybe I shouldn't have confronted him at all. Do you guys think I messed up when I decided to talk to him about it? Were I too harsh on him? Do you guys think he actually likes me or do you think he just used me to get over his GF (since we basically started sleeping together right after he'd broken up with her)? I'm such a mess right now because I have to deal with this AND being confused about my sexuality at the same time. I still have no idea what I am and it's also really confusing and on top of that I'm afraid I've lost my best friend So yeah, help really is appreciated.