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This has NEVER happened before..

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sugarskull, Jul 7, 2014.

  1. anniesims

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    Snever2late, that is wonderful! Glad to hear things are going well.

    My update from last time I posted to this thread. Still just separated and hopefully going to get the papers filed soon! That has been a bumpy road so far. I have dated one girl so far but that did not turn out too well. I've made some lesbian friends :slight_smile: Just people I see at events and stuff and text now and again. Trying to get out in the community more and meet people. I'm still hoping to meet "the one". Sometimes I feel like she isnt out there or if she is how the heck am I going to meet her. :slight_smile:

    There is a girl at work that I had feelings for and she claimed she did for me too. A little bit happened a while ago but then she just dumped me. I was hurt but got over it. I realized that she is a narcissist and had used me. I still had to work with her and she was so back and forth with her personality that I just couldn't take it. She would be nice one day and shut me out another. So I switched to a different shift and rarely see her. That has been good, she was toxic. So now that I am away from that I think it will be easier for me to move ahead. I am completely over her and just wish she were out of my life completely.
     
  2. Waterfall

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    I haven't been on in months...even gave up my full membership to make a clean start and take some time To sort out my life and my feelings.....
    But since I haven't figured anything out on my own I'M BACK! Seeing this thread reopened I just couldn't resist!
    Stephanie, I am so so happy for you! I can't even tell you how wonderful it feels to hear that you are so happy!
    Hope to hear from some of my old friends again and hope you can understand where I was in my life and why I had to take some time to examine who I really am and where I am going.
     
  3. bi2me

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    Hey, Waterfall! Welcome back! I took a break for a bit too. Let us know what's been going on. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Waterfall

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    Hi bi2me! So good to hear from you!
    I wish there was a wonderful happy story to tell but unfortunately not. I am still married to my wonderful husband although we are still working through some things. His jealousy and fear of losing me is the biggest hurdle and sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get past that. We came so close to separation but in the end decided to try to work things out....
    I have a wonderful close friend that is a lesbian ( in a long term relationship ) who happens to be a counselor. She has been my lifeline. She was married to a man before she met her lesbian partner so she understands everything and is so supportive.
    Right now I am trying very hard not to have a crush on another friend that is my age, single, and straight. Hard though, because we spend a lot of time together and I enjoy being around her so much. We always have more to talk about than we have time. She doesn't know anything about my sexual orientation and I have decided that until I figure it out I can't risk making her possibly feel uncomfortable around me and question my every move.
    So that's where I'm at! Not much progress. Out to my husband and a few other gay friends but that's it. Glad to be back on EC!
    :smilewave
     
  5. stella99

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    (*hug*)Welcome back Waterfall.:icon_bigg sorry to disagree with you just as you come back but if you think where you were mentally when you were last here I'm sure you'll agree you've made progress. Yes, your physically in the same place but your not the same person. You have moved on. Writing this I don't know if it's you or me I'm trying to convince:icon_wink I've not moved anything in the marriage department either but I have came out to someone so I'm focusing on that as progress for me. Otherwise I would also say ' not much progress':icon_sad:v
     
  6. bi2me

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    Baby steps ladies!
     
  7. stella99

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    You are so right bi2me.
    I also looked at where everyone else had got to and thought I'm still stuck in a disaster of a marriage, but I see a difference in me. I'm so much more confident in myself and, since I came out to my crush, I feel that I have made myself so vulnerable - not something I thought i could ever do, but this time it is for my own means. - I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't let her know. Yes, the ball is now in her court but I can live with that so much easier than if it was still in mine and I fluffed the shot. I know to look for small advances and physically telling someone that I am gay was a big step for me ( as I'm sure it is for everyone) . Its probably going to be a long road yet but I'll just have to be patient.
    Waterfall, I hear you. Wish I could say ' out to my husband'.
     
  8. bi2me

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    My life doesn't look any different from the outside either, but I've gained a lot of clarity. I've realized that I have had two great loves in my life, and basically never been interested in anyone else (at least beyond the he's cute/she's cute/minor crush stuff). At one time, I had them both as best friends and sexually. That's not possible right now, but at least I have one both ways and the other as a best friend.

    I learned that my best friend also has feelings for me, but I don't yet know more. I'm hoping to talk with her this week and figure it out a bit. Since I've never had an ex, it's confusing for me.

    My husband is at this point only interested in monogamy, but I'm afraid anything else would screw us up anyway, so I don't know that I'm willing to try right now. It was really hard to resist her on our weekend away. Luckily we had another friend along too. :wink:
     
  9. Waterfall

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    Yes Stella you are 100% correct. I am physically in the same situation but mentally and emotionally I am not the same person anymore. I am comfortable with my sexuality, confident in who I am and unafraid of what the future will bring. I can handle it and I will be ok with whatever lies ahead.
    Probably the biggest difference is that I don't feel the need to know what it will bring anymore. I am not in a panic...it is what it is and will be what it will be.
    I am past crushing on every woman that smiles at me and if that very special someone comes into my life, then I'll take it from there.
    Funny how I never would have imagined in a million years, the calming peace that came over me with final acceptance.
     
  10. stella99

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    Waterfall I couldn't have put it better myself. Mentally and emotionally I am not the same person either. For the first time in my life I don't feel I have to bend over backwards to please everyone. I can actually stand up to people and stand my ground when I want to.
    I've lost the panic too. It is what it is. No one is to blame and no one has done anything wrong. I don't know what the future holds but I'll cope.
     
  11. Confused1117

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    Hi there,
    Have been reading for awhile, such a great thread!

    Was hoping if you ladies had any advice for the trigger crush?

    I am finding myself in the situation where the woman I've fallen in love with is my trigger crush and I hers but...she's married to a man. And I want to be there for her but obviously there are conflicting goals since she is trying to "work it out".

    Any advice or maybe a thread you found that relates?

    Thanks and hope all of you are well!
     
  12. bi2me

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    Welcome Confused1117,

    I've got no help for you there... Over the last year, I've realized that not only do I love my husband (and remain committed to him), but also I love my best friend. The feelings of one do not diminish how I feel about the other, and I'm not sure what the long term outcome will be. I put a blog up a bit ago where you can read more details. I'm happy to talk through everything if you have questions. :slight_smile:
     
  13. YeahpIdk

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    Wow, guys. This thread was better than the L Word. Not married, but holy moly, every feeling you guys were having and describing hit so close to home.

    I just had and am still getting over my trigger crush. I'm so jealous of Sugarskull but am also dying to know what happened! This thread is amazing.
     
  14. Confused1117

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    Hey bi2me. Can you remind me, does your best friend know your feelings?

    And, don't you feel like you're in constant limbo all the time?
     
  15. sugarskull

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    My update. I'm moved out! I have my own place! Its been FANTASTIC! Me and my ex get somewhat along for the most part for the kiddo.

    Trigger crush, gone. Tried giving her another chance, she was a big fake ugly mean stupid liar. (haha) and again that blew up in my face.

    But! I have an OFFICAL girlfriend!!! :slight_smile:
     
  16. bi2me

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    So many good things!
     
  17. YeahpIdk

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    I came back just to see if there was an answer here -- wow, so happy for you! And also, why do trigger crushes suck so much? Ughhhhh :bang::tears::thumbsup:
     
  18. CapColors

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    Hi everyone! Thanks for making this thread. It has really helped me understand my own feelings and my priorities.

    Yay for you, sugarskull! bi2me, it seems like you and I are in a similar situation. stella99 and waterfall, it seems like this process has brought you some inner peace, which is great.

    My story:

    I'm 36, married to a man, and have two young kids. Recently I realized (BAM!) that I'd fallen in love with one of my close female friends. I was shocked as hell: I had no idea I was bi, let alone falling in love with someone who was not my husband.

    I feel incredibly guilty about my feelings, even though nothing has happened physically with my friend. I got myself into therapy right away, because the last thing I want to do is ruin my marriage or my friendship. It's been very rough, though, between the guilt, the distraction, feelings of intense pining, and feelings of joy when I'm around her. (Not to mention a whole new set of lusts, which are as foreign as they are arousing.)

    I am still in love with my husband. He's the best man I know and we are good together. That somehow doesn't change the fact that I'm crazy about this other person and highly suspect it's mutual.

    I will continue to work through my feelings, and hopefully come out the other side with a strong marriage and friendship. I'm not sure HOW I will do this, which is why I joined this community. I was thrilled to find this thread: it seems I'm not alone in my mixture of confusion, elation, guilt, and dread.

    Thank you all for posting your frank words and for being a generous and caring community. I look forward to contributing.
     
  19. bi2me

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    Hi CapColors,

    Welcome! Feel free to reach out on my wall once you reach 10 posts. I look forward to getting to know you more. :slight_smile:
     
  20. CapColors

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    Thanks so much! Ditto. :slight_smile: I'll keep posting so I can message you.