Snever2late I'm so sorry. Between your trigger crush and your husband outing you and finding the divorce papers, you have not had much luck. You can try and look at it in a positive way. You may not have been ready to have so many people know, but it's out there now and you can't change it. And the trigger crush is hard. It's difficult to have such strong feelings for someone you can't have, especially when you believed there was a possibility. I know it doesn't matter what I say, it won't make you feel better or take away the pain. It will get easier with time and you will find someone who loves you the way you love her and will look at this as part of the journey to find her. Try to do something good for yourself, you deserve it.