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I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by RJay, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. silverhalo

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    This is good but I also say hang out with the new lady, you don't have to go out with her but you might find she is even more amazing than V who knows, you really have nothing to lose.
     
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  2. Soundofmusic

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    I absolutely understand that feeling of thinking you've wasted time, but I also feel like you're going through a renaissance right now and it's good that you got a hint of what your life was/could have been/could be while visiting your teacher.

    You're at the cusp of change, and that's so amazing because you can build a life now that's 100% honest and true to who you are and want to be. Just make sure that when it comes to matters of the heart, you don't make the same "mistake" you made 19 years ago. Put yourself and your needs/likes first and then think about V or whomever you want to think about romantically. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I think this is the time to really keep that top of mind.
     
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  3. RJay

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    Just thought of something that made me laugh. Two months ago, when I started talking to my therapist about V, I remember she said something like, "these feelings are totally normal and totally natural. And the nature of crushes is that they ebb and flow and usually just fade out after a while. Just feel the feelings, enjoy the thrill, and observe how the feelings change over time."

    That makes me laugh so much. She obviously didn't realize precisely who she was talking to! Once I get feelings, they never ebb. It's all FLOW. I don't think there has been a single day in two months that I wasn't more in love with V than on the previous day. This thing is not ebbing EVER and definitely not fading out. If V goes along with me, she is going to have a very, umm, intense partner. :slight_smile:
     
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  4. silverhalo

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    Haha that is funny. I do think it would ebb eventually though, I think at the moment it's not ebbing because V is almost encouraging it.
     
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  5. RJay

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    Yeah or at least not discouraging it!
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Exactly, if she was pushing you away there would be more ebb.
     
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  7. RJay

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    Take that back!!!
     
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  8. silverhalo

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    Take what back? That she might be more amazing than V?
     
  9. RJay

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    Haha, YES! :slight_smile:
     
  10. silverhalo

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    I'll take it back if you can prove to me I am wrong.
     
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  11. RJay

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    After there is some "resolution" with V, I might hang out with this other woman. It does not seem at all safe to me to hang out with her yet. I find her *very* attractive. All I need is to have TWO ambiguous, confusing things going on at once. Or worse, if something were to "happen", I'd feel really badly about it.
     
  12. silverhalo

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    Why would you feel really bad about it? You are also assuming that lady 2 will be ambiguous like V but I can understand you wanting one thing at a time.
     
  13. Orchidea123

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    Wow, backup plan. This is getting interesting.
    Rjay, put a copyright on every post.
     
    #593 Orchidea123, Aug 14, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
  14. Moonsparkle

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    But why would you feel badly? Would your feel badly because it would somehow feel like you were 'cheating' on V? I think I might have that thought.

    But the reality is that you wouldn't be. At this point you have a friendship/ambiguous situation with V. At some point here the ambiguity will be resolved. And will either resolve itself into a relationship :slight_smile: between the two of you, or it may be just friendship. But right now you are certainly free to pursue any other relationship/friendship. I get the feeling of not wanting to pursue anything else though. But I would think about taking up Lady 2's offer to get together. Because at this point who knows, V may get a call from 'tattoo guy' (eye roll!) one day and then be excitedly sharing with you that they are going out on a date. UGH. Hopefully not but a possibility.

    You are very attracted to Lady 2, which is actually kind of cool in itself. I mean I guess as just a reminder to know that there are other women out there you find attractive. Not saying this woman is going to be a romantic interest, but sounds like it might be worth joining her on her porch one night for a glass of wine or two!

    And, as Silverhalo points out, there is nothing that says the Lady 2 situation would be an ambiguous one! We do kind of learn as we go and you are already in one relationship of ambiguity, I don't think you would allow another one to go on! Who could manage more than one! You totally do have the power to control and accept or not the dynamics (ambiguity or whatever else) of any relationship. :slight_smile: (This of course coming from the woman who just w/in the past year got it through my head that I have my own power as C and I really struggled toward the end of our relationship. Totally like a big lightbulb...'hmmm, wow, like you mean I have control here, like I could just end this, REALLY?') :thinking::astonished:
     
  15. idsm

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    If this turns into a love triange, you should definitely sell your story to a writer...
     
  16. RJay

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    You guys are adorable... Yes, I'd feel it was cheating. No way am I going to put myself in that position right now. I'm attracted to this other woman, but I'm in love with V. If something can develop with V, there's no question I would want her to be my first (only!) girlfriend. And I don't believe in casual sex, so that's that. And yes yes, I know that's on some level ridiculous and I'm getting way ahead of myself just because this other woman gave me a "look" and suggested bringing a bottle of wine to my apartment. I mean, it's possible I misinterpreted. But I don't think so.
     
  17. RJay

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    Seriously, I am so mad at V right now. She texted me that she went shoe shopping. I asked her if she bought anything. And get this... She sent me PHOTOS of her foot in the shoes she bought. Two pairs of very sexy black open-toed high heels. Like, she put them on FOR ME to take pictures at the perfect angle and send them. Very sexy photos. She is messing with me! I mean, honestly, who DOES that?! I told her they were "hot" and she responded, "lol. Tks. :wink: " She is crazy. I mean, I know girls send each other pictures like that after shopping, but 1. she knows I'm gay, 2. she knows I hate shopping and shoes and all that stuff. So what is she actually thinking sending me those photos? It can only be considered flirting! When I break down and make a big play for her, she'd better not have the audacity to act all shocked and surprised. Damn her! (I'm not really mad, but perplexed and confused. And I want to jump in my car and drive out to where she is, haha.)
     
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  18. silverhalo

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    Feet are sexy??? I can't stand feet in shoes or not in shoes. If sometime tried to flirt with my bey sending foot pictures it definitely wouldn't work.
     
  19. driedroses

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    I don't find feet sexy on their own, but in the right shoe with a good pedicure (assuming open toe)... especially if the shoe complements / accentuates the ankle as well.
     
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  20. RJay

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    It was the whole thing, bright red nail polish, black stiletto heels, black skinny jeans above the ankle. I didn't ever think I'd like a photo like that, but apparently it worked on me. All the straight women I've surveyed about the situation say that was a major flirt and a green light all the way, haha. I will NEVER understand them.
     
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