Have you been accused of being gay?

All throughout middle school and high school people ask me all the time if I'm gay. I said no because I wasn't ready to tell anyone, then at the beginning of this summer, a friend asked me and I said yes, then I decided starting this next year at school, I'll start telling people.

We'll see how that pans out

 

No one has said anything to my face, but I know they think it because I don't go out on dates with women.

 

My friend asked me once. I denied it. Looks like I'll have to take that denial back.

 

Before senior year, only a handful of my closest friends would start asking me; I've never come out to anyone of my own telling except recently when I told my brother. This past year, though, friends started asking me left and right if me and my best friend were going out. It was weird, though--they never meant it in a bad way, they were all just really curious. And they almost never directly asked me, "are you a lesbian?," it was "are you two going out?"

 

I've only been accused once by my mother. This was back in high school when I only hung out with one male friend exclusively. That's more of an example on why I was socially inept that my sexual orientation. I honestly had no idea that what I was doing was unusual.

Nobody else has ever asked though.

 

Still, even if you're a guy, can't that just be considered having a best friend? O-o Why is it considered gay if you hang out with one person over others? Then again, I don't know much about guy friendships....

 

All the fucking time. And I don't even know exactly why. Yes, I've never had a girlfriend, and the last (and first) time I kissed a girl was eight year ago (yeah, I know, right?), but I do appreciate women (or at least I pretend to, to others and myself. Not sure about that yet), and a couple of friends know that I have a crush on a girl that I know. I'm not effeminate, my voice has a low tone, and I dress soberly. I have no idea what I did, but this friend of mine has a strong conviction that I'm gay (in fact, he is more convinced than I am), and it kind of has spread to my circles of friends.

 

It's one of those weird standards that are different for guys than for girls.

Girls are generally expected to have small, close-knit group of friends and possibly 1 or 2 very close friends.

Guys are expected to have large groups of friends that you generally do things with. But being close to 1 friend exclusively is considered suspect.

I do think guys have or want best friends though. Research involving interviewing men would suggest that anyway. Younger boys are less inhibited when it comes to naming a best friend. Teens and up are reluctant to name anyone. But if they don't, they wish they had one. Having an exclusive close friend is apparently considered feminine.

Just one of the many reasons for my view on gender stereotypes that I sometimes talk about here. Straight men have "feminine" qualities too. They are just less readily willing to admit it.

 

In primary school I was accused of being gay with my best friend at the time which I would always furiously deny. Admittedly I did have a crush on him which I would have NEVER admitted to anyone at the time. I was asked by friends a couple of times during high school. When I first told my counsellor she claimed she could tell the first time she met me. And I've been asked various time in different jobs I've had.

 

That would explain why nobody seemed suprised...

Though he is ONLY friends with me and another kid

 

People would ask me all of the time when I was in the closet, then when I would deny it they would accuse me of being so anyway.

 

Haha NEVER because before I was that guy that dated every girl. The ultimate boyfriend. Then I told people I was bi and later gay. They flipped.

 

Only a million times. Mostly during my early teens and mostly by girls bc I was good looking but never had a gf

 

*talking to some friends on first day of freshman year*
Me: So can you believe it? We're in highschool! (/.o.)/
Friend A *girl*: OMG I know~
Me: I'm scared though... you know how people intimidate me.
Friend A: Haha true~ I've had a lot of people ask me if you were gay.
Friend B *girl*: Me too... apparently you set off their gaydars.
Me: (at the time believed I was straight) Oh really? XD

People still ask because:
1) I don't have many friends, just me and my tight knit group of female friends.
2) Good looking (so they claim me to be >_>) and doesn't flirt with girls/ is too dense to realize if someone is flirting with me.
3) I'm artistic and like anything Japanese as well as draw manga in my notebooks.

That... and I dated the girl that no straight guy would ever go out with. Whoops. XD
So yes... all the time. XD

 

Oh yeah, definitely happened to me.

--I was going out with a girl for 2-3 years, and around the end of year 1 she accused me of being bi. It was a really awkward confrontation because she set it up with a "short story her mom sent her (read: she made up)" concerning a varsity athlete who hooked up with guys on his team - the guy not so subtly was supposed to represent me.

So...um...I told her the truth at the time, namely that I didn't have any feelings for guys and that she was the only person I was interested in. I honestly thought it was just taking me a while to warm up...I had never really been in a relationship prior. Heteronormative expectations got the best of me until the end of college, I suppose. I think I was such a late bloomer simply because I wasn't looking in the right places for sexual attraction.

Although the two of us made a "good match," she's not the kind of girl that most guys are attracted to (kind of like your situation, Waffles). It's kind of unfair that I couldn't magically make it work with her. Hope she finds someone who will take care of her better.

--Then, just a couple of months ago, one of my extremely homophobic teammates jokingly interrogated me at the dinner table because I brought up this breakup with my ex. He asked me if I was gay, and I basically just sat there and made a face. lol. I then asked, "And what if I am?" He replied, "You'll have one less friend." It sucks trying to mentor jerks.

--Beyond that, a guy at my high school would always tell me that I sounded like a transvestite. Awesome. And when I was in middle school some of the older girls on my swim team accused me of being gay. Never mind that I fit in some of the stereotypes.

Well, other than a few case instances, nobody has straight up asked/accused me. But I'm losing patience with all of the people who just assume that I'm looking for a new girlfriend, etc.

 

My closest friends and my family have known forever; coming out was kind of a nonevent. They all said some variation of "That's all? Dude, it's kinda obvious."

 

Without too much detail, as a kid, I was rather shy and tomboyish. I didn't like being a tomboy but since I grew up in a K-8 school where you knew everyone, I was stuck in that niche.

I got questioned quite a bit from other kids, and even my mom and brother at one point. It was awkward and hurtful. q: One kid even sang out, "L-E-S-B-I-A-N," in front of me.

Since I entered high school, I haven't been accused yet, probably because I changed my appearance. There's the occasional LOL LESBIANS joke between friends but I think I've basically been assumed to be straight... ? I'm so sure that my family knows, though.

 

Just today, my step-dad was joking around that he couldn't wait till I found the perfect girl. I freaked for a sec, then realized he was joking. Whew!

 

Everyone just kinda assumed/assumes for me. I mean I have even had people ask my family is she gay. They always respond we keep asking her that too, we think so. I had one lady tell me that one twin is always gay and since my twin was obviously not must mean I was.

My three best friends are gay, so everyone just assumes I guess.