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Am I gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jake83, Jul 31, 2006.

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  1. mcpacker

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    To the original poster.

    You know nothing about me yet you know exactly what I have been thinking. There is great wisdom in this thread.
     
  2. straal1972

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    i've just read this. Thank you Jake. You were able to put into words what's been in my head for a long time. :eusa_clap
     
  3. Nollaig20

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    Absolutely amazing!!! =D This really touched me inside, every single thing this post says is like any confused/gay persons dilemma. Brilliant story. Loved the end, seems so true...
     
  4. platypus1314

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    That last quote is really powerful.
     
  5. RaeofLite

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    Wow. I know this was written in 2006, but this made me tear up. Kudos to your eloquent and beautifully written post. If you're still a member on this site, you should make a youtube video of this. I think you'd help a lot of people.
     
  6. needshelp

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    you're right. i'm gay but i don't want to be. been telling that to myself for the last 12 fucking years. sorry if i'm cursing but it's been a fight for how many years. i've tried hard as hell for many years to correct myself. it was like the more i tried to run away from it, the more it kept following me down. it was like all these things kept on happening which eventually brought me to here where i had to vent and express my true feelings.

    the thing is i've been chilling for so long and so deep in the closet that i've become extremely confused with my sexuality. i've gotten so used to fighting, denying, lying, hiding and chilling in the dark that i've done a real good job in repressing it. i've done a real good job of it, at least that's what i think. but in the process, the demon that i want dead and am deathly afraid of is still there. it pops its head when i don't want it to. it was a timebomb that was going to come out sooner or later and i couldn't take it anymore. it's like all these things were happening to me telling me "to come out the closet".
     
  7. commandZ

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    This is a slap in the face and exactly what I needed to hear. I've never come out completely but I always go back to women. I have so much guilt about breaking their hearts just to try and make it work. I think me and everyone in the same place need to get up every morning and read Jakes post until they accept themselves and make their choice (to not hate being gay). I've never felt like anybody has been able to know me so well as this stranger. Thank you. Truly.
     
  8. Doctor Faustus

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    Many thanks for posting this. It was really perceptive, and resonated with me a lot.
     
  9. Kcaz12345

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    I think I have come too the conclusion that I am gay but I am having a very hard time excepting myself I mean even if I'm not I still like gay people and everything like that but I have a boyfriend and love him but every time I say I love HIM it makes me feel like i hate myself for who I think I am.I never really have liked girls I mean I have liked them as friends but not liked liked them and when I thought I did it was just I liked what they did. But you know I'm confusled and need some help figuring out who I really am and what if I am gay I like boys I am who I am but I mean when I see a cute boy it's like I wanna you know talk a little more too him and get to know him more and maybe ask him out but when I think about it I'm like what would my parents say if they knew who I was going to have sex with in the future I mean I have seen gay activity and I know I liked it but when I think about it and relize what my parents would do to me if they that a boy is who I would have sex with in the future ooh boy I think I'm in for a ride. I mean I really do love my boyfriend I asked him out just to try having a boyfriend and I like it and I have so much compassion for him I mean I could just cry with happiness every time I talk to because I am so lucky that I have some one that loves me for me and not my looks or dirty stuff and every time we talk it has to be dirty I am happy that I can just have a normal conversation with out it having to go to sex. And I think in wanna marry him someday but it's a little to early to be thinking about marriage now. But I asked him would he be willing to adopt a baby with me because I really wanna have a baby I mean jet because I might be gay doesn't mean I can't have a baby and he said he would adopt with me and that makes me so happy but I always think how would it b to have a husband when I am 70 what would I look like then being a gay 70 old man with a husband I mean I would still love him but how would the public react .I might be"cute" ( i dont think im cute i dont talk myself up) now but what about in like 40 years then what would I think. Please help and talk to me I love to chat.
     
  10. sokk

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    Well.. if you truly like women you might just happen to be bi. Sexuality isn't black or white, you don't have to be one or the other, you can like both women and men you know :slight_smile:
     
  11. Hidinginalabama

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    Im glad i read this. It is so true. I only wish i had read this some time ago. It would have helped me out a lot.
     
  12. zmt

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    thank you so much, that is all I can say.
     
  13. Myson7

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    WOW! As a mother I would need to tell you how proud I am of you!
    How strong you are :slight_smile:
    Simply amazing.... Your words of wisdom can reach out & help someone
    I know you have helped me.. Keep sharing please
    Thank you!
     
  14. Dennis

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    I am 22 year old man.I was sexually abused when I was 8 years old by a cousin brother. I feel that I am a gay.A picture of a nude man turns me on but I don't feel the same when it's of a woman.Still now, I never had sex.I really hate the idea of being a gay. I live in a very conservative society where people don't accept these things. My parents will be very upset if they know that I am homophilic. I believe that gay relationship never lasts for long and it's more lust than love.I really want to be in love with a girl and get a normal life.I feel so frustrated always. I can't even concentrate in studies. I am good in academics and want a bright career.
    Kindly suggest me a way so that I can be happy and have a happy & 'straight' life. Please don't suggest me to accept myself as a gay because I can die but can't accept it. I want your help!
     
  15. Mr.Pushover

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    Hi there :smilewave

    I realize you're going through a tough time right now, and I'm sorry about that. The thing you need to know is that there are conversion centers and camps out there that will "change" you into a heterosexual, but according to the ones that came through sane and okay, it doesn't work. As a matter of fact, it only causes more damage to you mentally and emotionally. You can be happy all of your life without being married to a man, but take this into consideration: Will you be happy all of your life with a woman? Think if you would be happy having sex with a woman, calling her your wife.

    I'm not asking you to think of yourself with a man because you seem absolutely adamant that you will not be with one, but you need to know that there is nothing wrong with being gay. You were born this way, and nothing anybody did changed you. If you can learn to accept yourself and choose life and love over death, then will you be able to move on. I'm sorry I cannot offer you an answer to your question, because living a lie can never lead to a happy life.

    If you want more info or want to talk about it more, you can PM any of the staff on EC.
    :slight_smile:

    Take care (*hug*)
     
  16. JustKev83

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    Good post. I really hope that me and your twin brother can find our way out of the closet.

    ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2011 at 10:21 PM ----------

    I feel I should share my experience with you. I also have been molested. I was molested by my female cousin and by a male that lived in my neighborhood. I have been through therapy and have tried to convince myself that I am completely straight. Whether I was born this way or if my circumstances have shaped me into the person I am doesn't matter. All that matters is that each individual person has to live their life the way that makes them happy. I have come to the conclusion for myself that sexuality is a label and why do we as a society have to label ourselves. To function in society we must find some sort of label but I often tell people why does it matter who I love. Love is love and why am I going to put a limitation on who I can fall in love with. I have seen just as many if not more "straight" marriages fall apart than "gay" or "lesbian" marriages. There are a lot of reasons for failed marriages. If you want to truly find yourself I suggest you start to date girls, ask them out and see where it goes. Always be honest with yourself, never lead the person on. If you do not have feelings or you are not attracted to them do not pursue it. Find yourself no matter what it takes. Talk to a professional, especially someone that has dealt with sexual abuse. It has really helped me come along and understand myself. I am not telling you to accept that you are attracted to men, I am just telling you that maybe by talking to a professional he or she maybe able to help you over come your past and help you become the person you are suppose to be. If you want to talk with me just hit me up.
     
  17. Sidneyer

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    i can certainly see the appeal of wanting to be straight i know for years I've been trying to do just that. i just recently outed myself unintentionally and i think that it might have happened for the best. I hope that your brother will be happy with no matter what he decides.
     
  18. Emergelove

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    I'm humbled by the clarity of the thought in the original post. I feel quite shaken, almost to tears. I got married and it has never been anything but more complicated. I am gay, and I don't want to be... But I can't deny anymore that I can not fight the first truth.

    I thank you for this post...
     
  19. jennann555

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    I can understand some of this. I am struggling with my sexuality. I was engaged to a man and always dated men. I have since been in 2 relationships with women and can't figure out how I feel. I have recently been out with guys, but I'm just not sure. I came out to most everyone when I was with the women, and now I feel silly. I'm so confused.
     
  20. Noir

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    Wow, you're amazing--I think you're what people would call an "every day hero." :slight_smile: Your post was so inspiring, and it's not every day you find someone who's gay, doesn't want to be gay, but is OK with it. A lot of people ignore every single shred of advice given to them when they start to panic and say "how can I cure being gay??" It's so great that you can come to terms like that, and I hope your brother will do what makes him happiest. :slight_smile:
     
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