Am I gay?

Oh no, I wasn't searching for people to back me up. My only intention with that post is to offer another option to people who don't quite know what they want yet. As I said, some people may choose the gay way, which is just fine if that's what they truly believe they should do. But others, like myself, may want to at least attempt a fight. I just want people to know that they are not automatically gay if they have feelings for guys. Now, those feelings may develop into a homosexual way of life if one lets them. I'm simply choosing not to let the feelings develop. And think of it this way: deciding to be gay (if, in fact, one does decide, which is a very long and, as of yet, never ending psychological debate which I'm not particularly willing to get into at the moment) and coming out to the world is final. Once you come out, you can't really go back in. It's permanent, unless you move to a different country or something. So if, one day, one decides he really wants a wife and children and a family, that door is closed. However, if one attempts a fight, one of two things will happen. Either the person will ultimately lose the fight for whatever reason, in which case that person knows that he/she is gay and will not go back, or the person will win the fight, and find out that it was a phase, and be able to move on. It's up to each individual which path they take, and neither one will be condemned by me.

Thanks for the comment, paint!

 

WOW, excellently written and a very good message, I really enjoyed reading it, though i already came out to myself and a few friends.

Btw: CelebrityHead, is that SasuNaru on your avatar? XD

 

love that last sentance......so true

 

good look to u all

 

I use to question my sexuality, I attempted suicide alot. Then I Came to terns with myself. But ur story is touching...just make your proirtys straight.. family or Gay life ur choice -hugs-

 

wow exellent post!!this is something i really needed to hear. I am in the denial stage right now but after reading this i hage started to accept who iam and that i cant do anything about it. I have started to believe that being gay is great abd some of you may not believe it like i do but i wouldnt traid it for anything actually because his is how i was made and i was madelike this for a reason. -cody

 

This was a very inspiring post, I think it's a struggle we can all relate to.

 

Very great story. Thorough and intelligent. Hope this reaches more people.

 

This is a very good post.
Everything in here is true. I would have never believed that a person was capable of hiding their true identity from themselves so fully until I experienced it myself.
A person really does have to admit to themselves, and even come out to themselves in a way, that they are gay/lesbian/bisexual. One wouldn't think this would be necessary, but our minds really are extraordinary things. They are very capable at hiding painful things we don't really want to deal with.
This will continue to shed a lot of light for people...best post I've read on here so far, even though I'm new....

 

Yeah, I remember going through this. It took me about a year to come out to myself, but then I could come out to other people easily.
Also, the wife/kids battle was about 6 months, but I've convinced myself to the point where I don't even really want kids.

 

Wow, that really struck home. Thanks.

 

I think one thing people need to start thinking about is that being gay doesn't have to mean saying goodbye to the dreams you had. It means adapting them. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't have a family with kids. It just means the way in which you have them may be different than you imagined. But it is not a clear cut decision: either I'm true to myself and never have a family and kids, or I lie to myself to have the family and kids.

Times they are a changin' and many gay men and lesbian women are raising children as we speak.

Best to all.

 

I strongly agree with you. I don't think we should really be forced to come out when we don't know what we want. I'm putting up a fight, but I'm not mad with whatever wins. I just want to find out who I am first.

 

thank you. thank you for writing this, thank you for your courage, thank you for your honesty. This is where I am right now, and although I have posted my questions and troubles in a few places, I have never had it all laid out so clearly for me. Thank you for that. Thank you for shining light in a dark place.

 

this is an excellent post . everyone could relate to this and helps makes us realize that it just isnt myself against the world!

 

Well This story makes me feel great. You know i've been bothering to think all of this by myself. for 3 years i am confused, but although i'm just coming out to a few people. I'm proud being gay. i can live my life peacefully now. and ... Thanks to all the post that can support me to coming out. THanksssss

 

Thank You. The urge to come out has been getting stronger and stronger, this may just be the catalyst to do it.

 

Jake83 I could quite litterally kiss you for posting this, you have no idea how desperately confused I have been lately. Thank You so much.

 

This is beautiful, as are the responses.

Shit, life doesn't always go the way your parents told you it would, right? I'm fighting an epic war with myself about the fact that I'm into men even though I'm not at the point where I can come out yet. I feel like my sister could have written this about me. Great writing, and even better reasoning. We can't hide from who we are -- and trying to just makes the personal hell we're in worse.

Sexuality is fundamental. It affects everything we think and do -- there's no getting around it. You can deny it and try to live the white bread dream couched in an ideology that lets you rationalize your self-denial (see: prominent Republicans), you can try to make it go away through substance abuse (see: me), or you can accept the fact that benig queer isn't the end of the world. In fact, it may be the beginning of it... at least I hope. Thanks again, this helps so much.

 

nice post jake