Am I gay?

This is amazing; it really is. I recently had to help a friend answer this very question, and I wish I'd read this sooner because some of the things you say really hit home. Your words capture exactly what I wanted to tell him.

Really, thanks so much for writing this. I think this benefits everyone, whether they're out or not.

<3.

 

Yes - I missed this first time around too...

...extraordinarily perceptive...

 

Very good post. I can relate to the whole story. I have experienced a failed marriage and all the guilt that goes along with it. And I myself have been looking for a way to be a happy straight gay guy. I must agree it doesn't work. I am not out yet, but posts like this definitly help.

Yes I am gay, and I want to learn to enjoy it...

 

This is an excellent post.

Good luck to your brother. I hope he figures something out.

 

This is amazing! It should be on the mandatory reading list for all gay people!
It's the perfect summary of gay life from acknowledgment to coming out, written in retrospect. Perfection.
It's the exact description of what's been going on in my head for the past four years.

And the grammar/use of words -- Impeccable! :eusa_clap

 

you know I used to be in such denial about who I was and even though in my heart I knew I didn't want to admit it to myself I was so unhappy about it that I buried it deep inside and then when I was finally ready to let go of my denial and admit to myself this is who you are now deal with it I was still unhappy I eventually accepted myself but it was a confusing and hard road and until that person is ready to face that road to acceptance they are not going to they are just going to be in denial. It took me years to finally accept myself and I hope anybody that is having a hard time accepting themselves can finally start trying to go down that road to accepting themselves I hope your brother can soon I know its hard and I know we are all here for each other and I wish the best to anyone who is confused

Sam

great post!

 

I'm thinking this should be a sticky.

 

OK, it's stuck.

 

Yay!!!!

 

I must say that is a very profound post. And I believe its something that will hit home to alot of people on here. Like I told a friend once, "It's not like I've chosen to be gay. Who in their right mind would chose a lifestlye that attract so much condemnation, and ridicule?" I too, have desperately tried to be straight. I've had serious relationships with men, but I just never felt whole and always felt guilty for leading them astray. Anyways, once it sunk in that I was in fact gay regardless if I chose to be or not, I'm now learning to accept it and make the most out of it.

 

So true, so many questioning people feel like they had their future stolen, like somehow they were culled into a life of secrecy and misery, yet you have also shown that it is better to live a life that makes you happy that to live a lie that deprives you of it. It may make you scared but the existence of fear is a hell of a lot better than the absence of happiness.

 

Wow! I'm awestruck with the depth and insight of the original post here - from someone that is 23 years old. I wish I'd had the insight that he does at that age. Instead, I find myself grappling with this question now at 36. What a lot of heart ache I could have avoided for myself and others had I been more aware of my own feelings and orientation...

My story? Its far from over, but here it is so far... Never felt connected to anyone. Always felt a little different and alone. Hadn't had a serious relationship with a woman until I met my wife, but never imagined that I should be with a man. Got married - not because it was the thing to do, but because I had never considered any other options, and because I loved my wife. Had two kids - beautiful little girls - now 3 and 6. Found myself more and more attracted to men - ultimately found myself in the grips of a destructive addiction to sex which often lead to empty, anonymous meetings with other men. Thankfully I've sought the help of a therapist and Sexaholics Anonymous '12 Step' groups. However, not before it cost me my marriage and a great deal of emotional pain for my wife.

Denial, whether it is conscious or unconscious, is a disaster waiting to happen I'm afraid.

I've just found this forum, and look forward to sharing with others that are in a situation similar to mine. Thanks!

 

WOW!! That is the most helpful thing I've read... thank you so much for putting it into words so beautifully. Really helped! :icon_smil

 

That's such a great post. I think that everyone can relate to that somehow.

 

Amzing post. :eusa_clap

This really help me a lot to know who I really am and what I really want

Now I learn that you always have to accept the true, if you try to change it, you get into huge troubles

And one more thig is just ignore people, because they are not the ones who can control you

Thanks alot for posting this post

 

I agree that this is quintessential and valuable. There are a few small parts i want to argue. I agree that you shouldn't let the wife/family battle with the i'm gay. Myself i strongly don't want either. I operate fiercely independently so being gay or straight has no implication on me whatsoever( I prattle on and on in my other post). Next is the part about delusions and paradoxes. It's true that these leave anxiety on people who don't feel right putting on a facade, but what about the people who feel comfortable in secrecy? I think there are some people (at least i hope im not the only one:icon_eek: ) who don't feel like keeping it locked up in Pandora's Box stops them from living. I also agree that you shouldn't do things that don't feel right in your mind and not to live up to external pressures. The part about not being able to make that choice. I say to that au contraire. maybe my need for control is kicking in but i think you can. I agree when you say you cant force yourself to be happy when it isnt there but i think you can find a happy medium between those. Finally the last line is where i'll end. People who are stubborn like myself wont want to change that answer. Again that message had important and valuable details in it and was well written. I just wanted to contest a few bits of it for me and anyone else who feels that way.


All comments welcome:icon_bigg

 

wow. this is a great post! it reminds me of how when i first recognized i was gay, that i could somehow marry a woman and have kids. it captures all the same feelings i've had and im so glad i've read this post earlier on in my life. this is life knowledge that ill make sure to keep with myself as long as i can. kudos for the post. =)

 

Excellent post, Jake! Like everyone's already said, it hit home, we can all relate to it.
Oh and perfect writing!

 

i've had both relationships with men (2 -3 years at a time) and also a 7 year marriage. i am now a single dad with a beautiful 11 year old daughter. i do not regret being married. i sought it out as i really wanted a family. it was she that ended it - not me. i never cheated, nor did i regret not being able to sleep with men whilst married. i gave it my all, and also a lot of love.

i am not sure what i will seek in the future, but just wanted to say in my instance having a predominantly gay life before marriage, that no one got hurt because of this and we are able to move on. For me the purpose of raising a child did not necessarily have to conflict with sexual desire.

I recently tried to have a relationship with a straight single father. We lived as a family and 'domestic partners' for some time and i love him greatly, he knows this, but just wasnt 100% interested. now that was frustrating and harder to handle than my marriage was!!! i was a fool.

good luck to any married men out there who are gay. and please remember when it comes to choice of sexuality over family that being a part of a family is important too and if you can somehow combine the two then well done.

if there are any single men out there with kids who want to form a family - let me know - i'm available!