Am I gay?

I enjoyed that post and some of the responses . I know from experience as im sure alot of you do that alot of us will go for the "so-called" easy option of doin the wife and kids thing , but it often ends up being more confusing than ever . I know with me i loved a girl i even asked her to marry me , i really wanted to . As time went on she found out i liked guys , she even said it was ok and went with me to a gay and lesbian social group . I then fell in love with a guy and even though she didnt know i was in love with him she was ok with the sex , she even joined in . But i realised no matter what i was living two lives one gay and one straight . I know a lot of people identify as bisexual but i cant , i feel stronger for men , and i couldnt put her through that . I knew one day it would be too much for me and her . So i ended it . I look back on that time in my life and it really was special , but there was to much hurt for everyone involved .

I'm really glad i read this post , even though i dont regret what happened i hope someone has read it and can go pretty much straight to accepting who they are . Because its a hard journey for all of us and i hope by discussing things like this it can make it go a little easier on someone else .

 

This original post is SO deep and true. Your brother KNOWS who he is but is fighting to fit in the "conventional mould" that society puts on us all. The perfect life (the American dream, whatever you want to call it) with a wife, kids, a house (and maybe a dog too!) If he "chooses" to fall for that, a rude awakening is awaiting him one time or another. I got married 13 years ago to my wife with whom I've had a great time. We now have 2 kids (a boy 9, and a girl 7). Perfect family indeed! However, my true identity surfaced quite strongly several weeks ago. Although I knew something was "not right" with me for awhile, I "chose" to ignore it and kept being my straight self. Well, now, I KNOW who I am, even if I still don't necessarily like it. But I KNOW that to be true to myself and to my wife, I have to tell her, hoping that she will support me (at least eventually). This has been a VERY difficult "decision" for me to make cuz as you know, many married guys who are gay DO decide to "live" with that, either cheating on their wife or not. In my case, I just couldn't do it because marriage is sacred and MEANS something to me. I wouldn't want my wife to cheat on me, so I have absolutely NO RIGHT to cheat on her. As hard as this will be, I am planning on telling her shortly. I hope that your brother LISTENS to his inner self and doesn't fall for what society expects of him (or what HE thinks society expects of him). This is one time where I think being selfish is OK. Yeah... he needs to be selfish and treat himself right!

 

Omg.I so almost cried.

(&&&)

 

wow nice very helpful

 

Wow that was so insightful... I guess as a girl, we have slightly more options but the whole "marriage vs. girlfriends" thing still applies. So we could have kids... but there's still a lot of pressure to get married.
And something's gotta give there, and like was said, you just gotta think "I am gay/bi and I don't like it", and work out what part of that you can change.

 

I was one of those people and now u have inspired me to come out of the closet and finally tell my family what i have been keeping from them all these years. Thank You for inspiring me to take look in the mirror and accepy that who I am. Everyone I am gay and I am proud of it.

 

OMG I only just read this. The grand schemes, complex dualisms, brilliant paradoxes - this puts into words what I now see to be the unconscious workings of my mind, as it commits purjury against itself. In this passage I see how my mind has been constantly working, coming to false terms with what is the truth.

In spite of what my posts might indicate, I am out to myself only for about half an hour maximum at any one time. Then the denial, delusion, and complex explanations set in. It is only really in the dead of the night, like now, that I ever truly confront the possibility. This post really affected me tonight.

 

Great post mate.

I was married for 9 years before I accepted myself as a gay person, now that I am out, I have never been happier, I have 3 boys and love with my heart, but now i can find the true me and someone to really share it with.

My coming out experience had prompted me to create a website dedicated to coming out in Australia, but can also useful worldwide. So any Aussie members looking for some more resources and information goto http://www.comingout.com.au

Cheers,

Wayne

 

I've always wondered how hard it must be to go back into the closet, it must feel somewhat demoralizing. I have a few friends who have came out and gone back in again, and i just cant understand it, i mean coming out is so hard! why after all that you have gone through to come out to choose to go back in, and the possibly suffer the whole coming out thing over again, not to mention youre parents, friends and familys confusion to what exactly you are, i mean we're born this way - How can we prove that to people to say that's not true, when we go back in or say we're straight, i'd love to actually talk to someone about this - i'm not saying that people who do this are wrong, i guess i'm just a little confused how they feel after doing it.

 

I must say. That is a great post. And some of the best advice anyone in that position could hear.

When I was going through the "am I gay" part. I never had anyone to talk to me or tell me that. So I ended up figuring it out on my own. But, I'm glad this is here. Because then others who don't have anyone to talk to can still get help with what is going on in their head. (!)

 

Yes, this sums up much of what I've been through. I spent 2 years fighting with myself to try and prove I was straight, but now it feels a lot less of a burden because I've finally accepted my feelings. Looking back, I can say it was always evident that I was going to be a lesbian. Once I even actually said "I hate boys". I don't think I meant it literally, I mean, I'll be their friends and stuff, but I just don't really connect with them in the same way I do with girls.

 

This is extremely reassuring. I feel warm inside now.(*hug*)

 

Amazing post! Speachless!

 

Thank you so very much Jake83 for describing what so many of us go through or are currently going through. There is tremendous conflict between trying to conform to the ideal of getting married and having children, buying a house and living happily ever after, but still not accepting the truth of your feelings, and then simply following your heart and acknowledging that you're gay.
I try to avoid thinking about all of this - the possibilities of normality - and occasionally succeed, but your intelligently written and thoughtful analysis really brings it home to me that there is a choice, and despite the angst and bitter emotions generated when confronting it head on, it really has to be made, if only for peace of mind.
Your words are bound to be a great comfort to many people like me in the EC forums.

 

That was me a a few years ago.

 

Wow....that really makes me stop and think...think about who I am...who I want to be. Who my friends are, and where they are going. Wow....that really moved me. Thank you, for so much more. *hugs*

 

I need to follow this advice and face the question, and I need to do it soon because I know I will find an excuse to stifle my feelings in an attempt to numb myself. Every time I realize this I get a sick feeling in my chest; I'm afraid that coming out will confuse my situation, and that chaos would ruin my chance for a future.
I'm glad I found this place; it's nice to have somewhere to talk and think without feeling as if under observation.

 

ahmazing

 

I really like this post. It's very insightful and comforting to many people. However, allow me to propose another idea, one not meant by any means to be offensive to anyone. I myself am struggling with my sexuality. Why else would I be here? I understand the feelings that a gay person has, because I truly am going through it. Therefore, I'm not a judgemental, narrow-minded gay-hater or anything like that. That being said, I would like to propose the idea that we do have a measure of control over what we do in reaction to feelings and emotions. Notice I did not say that we have control over what we feel (ie. whether we are attracted to guys and/or girls). I think feelings are impulses that we can seldomly control. But the "I'm gay, I don't want to be, but I can't do anything about it" approach is not, in my opinion, altogether wise. Now, if you do want to be gay, who am I to say you're wrong? We as humans don't have the right to say what is right and wrong, plus I'm going through the same thing, so I especially don't have the right. But saying you can't do anything about it if you don't want to be gay implies that you have no control over your actions. It implies that you take what the world has handed you and go with it. Is that truly strength? Let me propose that even if you are attracted to guys (or girls for the girls reading this), it does not have to mean that you are gay. Though you can't necessarily control the attraction to men (or women), you can control what you do about it. I, for instance, am refusing to be gay. I'm fighting it. Those reading this will probably say that I am just complicating things for myself, or depriving myself of something wonderful and carefree, or other things like that. Perhaps. Perhaps I am depriving myself. But to say that I am a slave to my attraction to guys seems worse than deprivation. I would much rather be able to choose what I believe I should be (once again, if you truly want to be gay and believe you are, who am I to try and change you? I'm just saying what I believe for myself). So basically what I'm saying is this: If you are gay and don't mind it, fine. Humans are humans, so we can't be judgemental. But if you are gay and truly, in the bottom of your heart, do not want to be, I suggest that you don't have to be. Fight it long enough, and you can change. Persevere. This is my belief.

 

I think I understand what you are saying, and I am very happy for you, because your happiness is important.

However, if you intend to visit this site in search of others who bear the same burden, it could be hazardous. Many people that seek this place as a refuge come with a weakened and weary mind, and are easily persuaded....sometimes people do not know what they truly want until they have seen it for themselves. I thought that I wanted to be straight, more than anything in the world. But when I met some of the people here, and came out to my parents and my best friend, I realized that all I wanted was to not feel ashamed, and I believed that the feeling didn't come from the inside.So you never know .