What was your reaction when you found out your orientation?

Well I fit the description of it, but do I really feel like I am in side. Maybe, how about I take some online tests! WHAT! I'm a serious candidate for SRS! I also should speak to a psychologist about paranoia, WHY AM I TAKING SO MANY ONLINE TESTS! Well, I guess I am transgender. But do I really think I'm transsexual. One month later, I guess I am.

 

omg yesss!! The online tests, clogging up my Internet history:eusa_clap:eusa_clap

 

This is a very acurate statement for what I was feeling. I never actually confronted my sexuality until I moved out and went to college. I grew up in a very Christian family and was raised in church. I still haven't told my parents because they are very stereotypically Christian. I still feel like that sometimes still.

 

I wasnt surprised...

 

I was okay becasue it was always the back of my head for more then a year. It really helped that I have a few of queer friends at school. It was more confusion.

 

fell out of bed hyperventilating :eusa_doh:

 

I was kinda happy... because I had a crush on someone and that butterfly-y feeling makes you happy. I was also relieved - because I realised I was capable of liking a living breathing person (and not a book character)... and excited - because my 2 best friends literally sometimes will not shut up about gay rights etc. and they would obviously be proud of me (one friend has a gay uncle and a cousin who just came out as female and the other has a lesbian cousin)... and then I was angry because this was way too complicated and I am emotionally lazy (I cannot be stuffed to be emotional legit)... and then I was confused because one day I woke up feeling straight and the next fully lesbian and then I was like "what the heck! Just go with it!" which is where I am now. Its not too bad hehe

 

I pretty much just said "Okay, now that that's sorted, I'm going to go and write for a while."

 

I didn't really have a reaction. I knew I liked other girls from a very young age and I liked boys as well. I wasn't really educated on it. My parents never talked to me about the LGBTQ+ community, they never mentioned gay people and anything from Bugs Bunny dressing up in dresses and putting on make up to female characters wearing cargo pants and a tank top never phased me. I even got one of those troll dolls for Christmas that was wearing a pink Tutu and I named it Pierre. I didn't realize that it was supposed to be female until I was 13.

 

It was one of those things where a lot of little feelings felt at different points in time accumulated into a bigger reaction, later on.

I'd always google if it were a phase or not. The hope of that it might be, kept me from feeling down about it, but it didn't work on my low days, as I'd cut straight to it and say I was gay, saddening me basically. So it was sort of already existent by the time I knew for sure that it wasn't a phase. Of course, not a good feeling.

No better way to put it.

 

Some guy started holding my hand, because they like to "act gay" for laughs, and I started getting butterflies in my stomach. I was so happy about it, and then I was like..."wait a minute... What The Hell!?" I was pretty shocked when I finally realized it truly and fully. Although I kinda knew when I was in middle school. It led me into a very long stage of depression, and I began to repress it as hard as I could. Guess I convinced myself pretty good, because I was pretty shocked to finally realize and admit to myself I'm into dudes.

 

I don't know how the heck I'd react if some guy did that to me... :-l

 

My reaction was ...

well, fuck me with a ravioli...I'm bisexual!

Basically the shit that goes through my head

 

panic,why me, hid it from everyone

 

Well...I guess I first realized I was gay when I was 14. One of my friends said something that indirectly revealed it to me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The thought that I might be gay never even crossed my mind before that.

It was a long time ago, so I don't remember how it felt exactly, but it wasn't good, it was terrible. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt at that point in my life. I hated it and the thought of living my life as a gay person disgusted me beyond belief.

It was so weird, because before that I never really thought about gay people in a negative way (hell, I basically never thought anything about them at all). But I guess all that homophobia and heterosexism I absorbed from living in a homophobic world never affected me prior to realizing that I was gay (because I didn't think of myself as a gay person), so I didn't even notice it.

That memory still haunts me to this day...

 

I had a moment of realisation that I can date to a particular moment. I was shocked and terrified, but at the same time everything made sense and I knew it to be true.

However, I only had this realisation after years and years of it being unspoken at the back of my mind. I was only able to verbalise it (in my mind) when I was in a psychological place where I could actually deal with it.

I think my brain had laid a lot of the groundwork beforehand. I think this was a necessary self-preservation thing.

 

Confusion turned to shame and shame became denial until I forced myself to come to terms with my sexuality.

 

At first: Nooooooo!!!! It can't be!!!!!!!.....I must bi....yeah, your bi

Somewhere in the middle I started to sing "let it go"....in the shower

Now: yay! I love being gay! Boyz boyz boyz

 

I still don't really know. I have a crush on a girl in my class and I have told four people (including my older sister) about it. My family is very accepting and I probably wouldn't even need to "come out" per say, but it is still confusing. Although one friend I told said that she was so excited and I don't really know what she meant by that.

 

When I realized I was bisexual, I got this nervous fluttering in my chest. Everything kind of slipped into place, and even though I was nervous and kind of scared I felt this joy in knowing my identity.