What was your reaction when you found out your orientation?

Me shortly before my 16th birthday; "So... I'm not actually aromantic or asexual at all? I have romantic and sexual desires? I love my best friend in a non-platonic way? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!"

 

Mine is a sad case I always felt different growing up I liked things that weren't specific to my gender. I met a trans and I didn't realize what he was and I went to a club with him. I seen a couple dancing and I got nervous and talked to him about it. We and several of his friends talked openly about the subject and I started to realize there was in common than I thought. This will get you angry I met a guy we became good friends until one day he turned on me. My dad said always drink with friends not strangers. So I took his advice and had a drink with this guy. Short and sweet he drugged me, he raped me, and dumped me back at my apartment. Nobody even my family believed me. I said fuck it and went on sex binge. Mad at the world. I lost all respect for me and my body. Along the way I found out I really have always felt feminine so I started dressing up in little ways that I felt nobody would notice. It was by doing this that I realized just how feminine I really was.

 

Anxiety and a lot of confusion. For my entire life, I had imagined myself being with a guy; I thought that the reason that I didn't have feelings for any of them was because I hadn't found the right one.

Meanwhile, I always noticed when a girl was attractive and found myself wanting to be with her. Which made me feel guilty, as that wasn't "normal".

I became more comfortable with it as I went along.

 

My reaction was "No, it cant be." then "Yes, I'm gay" then "No, theres no way!" then "Yes, I'm a lesbian" then "Nope. I'm deleting my account here on EC. I'll just put it out of my mind. Who really cares anyway?"

You get the idea.

 

I started getting signs of my sexuality not being the 'accepted' one in middle school. At first I tried to push it back and ignore and it lasted through out most of high school.

I asked out a few girls in high school and tried to ask out any girl nice to me. I got rejected by every girl as they saw my lack of confidence as a massive turn off.

Once I started college I couldn't keep pushing my sexuality aside and I slowly started to realize that I wasn't going through a phase and I started to drink a lot.

it's been a roller coaster ride the last few years, but the shield of denial I built up for years finally came apart my sophomore year when I started having drunken breakdowns and started telling people that I was gay or bisexual, or not completely straight.

I don't think I really accepted myself, but more so understood that it if I didn't deal with my sexuality then I would have it exposed in ways I don't want.

So I just woke up one day and started telling a few people very close too me.

Kind of like a situation where I am scared to be in this predicament, but rather tell people myself then have them find it out through other less favorable outlets.

TL;DR/Short Version:

I don't completely accept myself, but I came to the realization that I will eventually have to live a normal, positive life. I started off in denial but am slowly working up to normalcy.

 

I was like: "Da fuuuq? What is this that is happening to me?!?"
But it's all okay now! I love being bi!

 

Sometimes I get the feeling that I will never know........ *sigh

 

It was a gradual thing for me too... I was about 11-12 when I first realised that I had no interest in boys compared to my friends... I just wanted to be around girls the whole time and my love of shoes footsie with other girls was in overdrive then, that gradually turned into arousal as I got into my teens and led to my first lesbian moment.
I never at any point felt anything but 'oh well this is me' - I had a nightmare with my family initially which hasnt really improved much into adult life. I do think its easier for girls though, I dont envy the guys - it seems so much more acceptable for girls compared to the boys which is so very unfair.

 

My sexual orientation is more a result of my gender identity. So my process was like "okay if I'm not a girl or a boy...how could I be attracted to the 'same' or 'opposite' or 'both' sexes? I can't." I guess my reaction was more of a logical conclusion.

 

Fuck.

I was sort of upset that this had to happen to me. My life sucked enough already, and now this? I kinda hated myself for that. And because I was scared of what the future held for me.

But that was then, and this is now. I'm happier today than I was back then. It was worth it.

 

Omg! How could I have been so fucking blind! :eusa_doh: - first reaction ever.

 

I don't know when I found out actually. I always knew I liked both genders and I came out to my that time boyfriend when I was about 14...it is really early. Then, after some experience, when I was 16, I started to understand that I might not like guys in 'that' way. So it started with a deep deep denial, ignoring it. But after all, I felt so stupid for not noticing signs when I was younger...

 

"Oh my god! I'm so..."

 

Scared!

 

Never had a big epiphany moment or felt guilty or different. The opportunity for sex with other boys came about 5 or 6 years before I was with a girl. And that was no big deal either. I always found boys more desirable and exciting than girls. It just happened that way and I never wasted my time trying to figure it all out or felt a need to tell the world.

 

Still not figured it out yet. I can't decide weather or not I'm bi or just gay.

 

By the time I finally admitted to it, I knew it for a long time.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zk6hZZ2d7kI

 

Heck yessss, I can cuddle all the genders and love all the peoples!

 

nah nah nah can't be
*5 minutes later*
Well it makes sense......?
*one night of google searches later*
Um okay..... I guess....
*two homophobic parents later*
well this stinks
*one EC later*
WOOOOO QUEERNESS