What was your reaction when you found out your orientation?

When I first realized that was gay I was scared of my family, coming out to them. See, I come from a Muslim family, but I am an Atheist, but when my dad found this out he was angry. So, now I am even more scared about telling him. I tried hard to change but I couldn't, I often stayed up all night just thinking about it. But today I am happy with myself and who I am.

 

*looks around a room* He's kinda cute...
Then I figured it out pretty quickly haha.
Oddly enough I don't feel guilty about it, I just kind of accept that's how I feel. And what's not to like?

 

Well first I found I was a metrosexual when I started to worry about my appearance more.(yes I am a metrosexual as it says on the left, it's not just for laughs) as for my reaction I started realizing how much better I look then from like two years ago.

As for being a homosexual, I didn't react as much as most would suspect. I just kind of went on with life just looking at guys as attractive more than girls.

 

I suddenly realised it when I was saying some facts and statistics to my friends. One of them was something-along-the-lines-of that 1 out of 10 people aren't straight. And then I found out that I was the non-straight one.

 

this was back when i was 10 btw.so when i first fount out i liked guys i straight away said to myself "yay I'm special" then after thinking about it for a year or two and what i heard on the news about how people treated the lgbt community i went into a deep state of denial.
2 years later i have severe depression and i didn't know why so i just thought for a while and realised that lying to myself for so long so this was one of the things that was causing my emotions to go out of control. so i told someone about 2 weeks ago and i feel great about myself now.and i told someone else a week ago and her reaction was perfect
me : im bi
her : i didn't know that
me k
if its this easy every time i might just come out to everyone
this is probably on the wrong thread

 

In my hometown were like 500 people, we had to go to a different city for high school, and everybody was kinda like "Nobody will ever know me muahahahah" so nobody actually talked about anything. So as I grew up, I liked guys, I liked girls. Just the normal crushes you know? Things like "they're so pretty" I thought that was a norm. When I got to High School in 5th grade [different country we have a different system than America] and I had a small crush on one of my girl friends and I told my best friend and she stared at me like "So you're gay" and at the time I was like "no, i just think she's pretty" and my friend just shrugged and was like "whatever". And growing up with homophobic neighbors, I was scared and kind of tried to opress it I guess?

After a while I forgot about it and then my family dragged me with them to America at the beginning of eighth grade. I think every school has them around here, but there was this small group of people that were openly gay and I found them really facinating because I never actually met people that weren't afraid to show that they were gay. Then I sorta kinda fell in love with this one girl and I had a metaphorical panic attack when I figure out I was in love with her, not just a crush, I was actualy in love with this person. That's when I was trying to figure out if I'm gay or not.

First thing I figured was that I wasn't gay, I liked guys too, but I wasn't straight either. So first thought: I'm bi. But it didn't fit me. Then I noticed that I didn't care about gender at all, i found out this girl was actually a trans male. And I didn't care. I was just like "nevermind I like a dude not a girl, just fyi"and i got worried. I wasn't normal. Then the new girl that ate lunch with me talked about her girlfriend, and I was like "she can help me figure this crap out" and when I asked if she was gay I thought I stepped over a line because of the look she gave me. Turned out she thought I was against that. So anyway, she said that she was pansexual. I never heard of that and asked if she could explain it to me. From the way it sounded, that was exactly what I was. I was happy for a while.

Then came a new thing. Now in my freshmen year, my friends are pretty much all Tom Hiddleston fans, and they were talking about....things....they would...uh...do to him. I thought they were kidding. I was always kinda freaked by the idea of sex. I emntioned that to my friend, the same one that's pan, and she asked if I could be asexual.

I googled, went on A.V.E.N., read some articles, watched youtube videos etc. The day I figured I was Panromantic Asexual was actually during a Choir rehearsal. It was random. My friend was making a comment about how she was going to go on a date later and that she hoped he was going to "F*** her so hard she won't remember her name" I just thought about how somebody would want that and that it was kinda gross and that I could care less.

So after 5 years of denial, depression, lying, hiding in a closet and falling in love, eventually coming a bit out of the closet etc. I figured it out I was a panromantic asexual.

My reaction: That explains my love for cake
My friends reaction:buys me a dairy queen cake and says "I always knew you're not friends with me because I'm hot. I appreciate it."
Me:.....ok?
Her: are you saying I'm ugly?!
Me: What? NOOOOO!!!!!!
Her: I raised you well.
Me: you're weird.
Her: you love me and you know it. so how are things with [name of my crush]
Me:....how do you even-nevermind I don't want to know how you figured that out. You would only make a Loki reference or something else weird that creeps out everybody.
Her: I have my sources. Now eat the cake or I'll make you. THIS IS MY BARGAIN YOU MEWLING QUIM!
Me: ....I created a monster
Her: No, you brought the monster!
Me: stop quoting the Avengers!

that follows with us eating the oreo cake from dq. and quotes from marvel movies. The thought that I am like my friends terrifies me.

 

I am still questioning my orientation.

 

Pfft. Yay, I guess...

 

I wasn't ashamed. I was more scared of what my mom would think. But I knew without a doubt when my friend in high school kissed me. I was like, "Oh... So that's why I didn't feel fireworks when my ex-boyfriend kissed me." But when she kissed me... Holy... O_O

 

I had and still have a lot of conflicts with my sexual orientation. I felt confused and tried denying it for the longest time. In the town and home I grew up in if they knew I was homosexual my life would have been worse than it already was and I would of lost the few friends I had.