Well therapy kicked my ass today. I’ve been focusing on my self esteem issues because I’ve been very aware lately of how unhealthy certain things have been for the the last 20 years. Well the worst part is the last 10 years I’ve had to listen to my family say I’m starving myself trying to lose weight and I’m always rolling my eyes. Towards the end of therapy I said I’m just dreading the next time it comes up because I’m gonna have to say well your right and I’m working on doing better... well this conversation followed: Therapist: How will that go? Me: It won’t go far we don’t go to deep in those things. I mean.... We are very affectionate but just bad stuff we don’t discuss to deep. Well we discussed how things have been with loss and illness and all... how I haven’t really been able to have share my emotions because someone else’s was more important then: Therapist: How old were you when you were first molested? Me: (caught off guard) Um around 4... Therapist: Who was the first person you told? Me: My grandparents and we were actually in Burger King... they freaked out and was like shut up! shut up! So they took me home and told my mom I had something to tell her and left. So I told mom, she ran to the bathroom and started throwing up. I followed her and was rubbing her back when my step dad asked what was wrong I said mom’s sick... Well she stopped me and said do you realize what you’ve just told me. I was like yea you asked about the first person I told and I overshared but that was kinda how it all went down... We didn’t have much time to really go into it but she had a few points she had to make before she’d let me leave... she gave me chocolate lol I guess it makes everyone feel better... So I guess that’s when it started. At 4... shut up when I’m telling what happened to me because we were in public and they were embarrassed so I should be embarrassed... then mom getting sick because of me telling her and I go rub her back cause that’s what she did to me when I was sick... I’m exhausted! I’ve gotta do dinner for the family and keep it together... all this happened at the end of therapy so thank god I can keep my emotions in check. I had to go shopping, now cook... I guess I’ll let it out after dinner when I can go to my room and have some privacy, but honestly this was a big unexpected hit!