As you can tell I do have a bit of time on my hand. The last two days I have tried to rest a bit. I’m still down here and actually spending more time with my grandmother. While she’s sleep I get in the hospital bed in the closet. And just relax. It’s been nice not having to find something to do. If I wasn’t in there I’d feel bad sitting around and isn’t be up doing something. I love her! It’s been a minute since I read the poem but immediately started reciting my favorite parts. I did go over and read it... considering you pointed out her past (which I was aware) and what I’ve been dealing with before all this it really meant a lot more to me than it ever has. Thank you for that! I have book marked it and am going back to it later on to read it again when I have privacy and can really let go. I loved the article. I actually laughed at the stripper reference. In my normal life I’m not generally modest. As I said I like to get reconginzed on things. When I cook, projects, gifts, crafts, etc. But this is different. I like how she described it. It’s like paying a debt. I feel that while my family hasn’t been perfect they’ve been there for me when I needed them. Its kinda what you do. And I believe what you put out you get back. Growing up in church one lesson that stuck with me was that when you do something and want to get praised by man that’s your reward, but when you do something without the desire to be recognized or I’m the shadows you’re laying up a blessing in heaven. This is one of those things... I feel it’s something I’m suppose to do... I feel it in my core. So it’s kinda selfish I guess my dodging thank yous... I’m protecting my blessings hahahaha. This makes me sound crazy I know! This is very true! And right on... I’ve been shrinking myself for a while... well prob my whole life... but it seems since coming out it’s been even more. I still am over the top and all, but I bland myself down so much! My self esteem sucks and I don’t see how or why anyone would love me... I guess because I struggle loving myself and I have no idea where that came from but there it is! I need to work on this for sure... outside of this situation. I don’t know how to handle support. I’m use to being the support. So it’s not comfortable to depend on anyone. Often when I try I am very disappointed because I’m let down... I have had them pick up a few things (for me to cook lol) but I do lead in with this each time.