Venting Forum

arfff

i saw a guy at the gym today
foreigner, Caucasian, in his 30 probably, no ring in his finger (not during workout, not in sauna, not after workout), with sort of big "bear" looking, basically not my usual type for an eye candy but damnnnn he smells really good, smells really like a man

this is the first time i got turned on by just sense of smell

why cant people here shows more acceptance to people like me so i can at least try to hit him without feeling any fear beside rejection

well that acceptance not going to happen anytime soon tho
its just
AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

 

Dad is drunk, AGAIN...

When he's drunk, he's not the dad I know. Whenever he's drunk, he's ANNOYING as fuck! He also is the BIGGEST douche bag when he's intoxicated. I swear, if he annoys me or my mom this night, I'll Mach Punch him like a Conkeldurr!

I hope he wont sleep here in our house tonight. I dont want to punch someone in this beautiful night.

 

I hate it when people say: "Killing is much easier in real life, isn't it?"
Well no shit, in real life there's no auto aim...Try shooting a person 150 feet away, and see if you don't miss the bastard...Unless you're a true pro...

 

I'm kinda sick of this job already... Well, maybe not exactly this job, but the people here. I seemed to be pretty well liked when I first started out, but now people are saying shit behind my back about this and that. Not that I wasn't expecting it, but by the people I assumed I was growing pretty close to?

Yeah, starting to wish a sinkhole would open up under this place already.

 

I'm disappointed in myself with how much I went off the road with my weight loss since I got out of the hospital almost two years ago. I went from 163 to about 110 in eight months, and was so proud of myself. I haven't seen that number since I was in middle school. I went astray badly and I've ballooned back up to the 150s. I crunched some numbers, and that means I've gained about 2.3 pounds (1.04kg) a week. It doesn't seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but that's about 45 pounds (20.4kg) in that short amount of time. I let my hard work just slip between my fingers. I know during my third hospitalization, I gained 5-10 pounds easily in eight days, and that fucked me up so bad.

I'm so frustrated, and I want to get back into fitness again, but I don't have that drive anymore and I'm getting tired of being told I need to stop being fatphobic over all of this. I'm not body shaming or policing people, because I'm not a dick. I hate it when I'm being told I've "internalized" so much when I haven't. When I was active in the fitness and nutrition community on Y!A and other forums, I was vocal about my disdain for shows like The Biggest Loser because they promoted negative behaviors and dangerous lifestyles that lead to contestants getting severely hurt and developing eating disorders. I'm not the same person I was before where I'd beat myself for not reaching a weekly goal. I know better now and when I saw changes in myself and how much better I felt, I couldn't have been happier. I went from getting winded climbing a flight of stairs to jogging 3-5 miles a few days a week and feeling better later.

I want to do this for me and my health, and I can't help but to feel like people are rolling their eyes in my head and trying to steer me into not wanting to bother. I want to do so much, but I'm back to wondering why should I even bother now. F.M.L. :tantrum:

 

Now I think they're just taunting me. A while ago, a prosthetic website had a 4 in 1 on in their clearance section that was about $50, a fraction of how much they normally cost. I didn't bother getting it out of a depressive state and it was sold hours later to someone in a group I'm apart of. Now the site is having a giant one day sale, where all their prosthetics are just $99, again chump change compared to how much they usually are.

Guess who isn't getting paid until next month? Me. Fuck my life right now. I know their products have mixed reviews, but now this is starting to be hard for me to cope with. The company is in Portland, so I don't know if the sale ends at midnight my time or theirs, but this blows hard core. I don't have a damn penny to my name and it's beyond frustrating. Kill me, please.

 

I'm not sure what prompted it, but I just recalled a moment where someone I'm FB friends with pretty much told guys who are venting about their dysphoria while being on a 1+ year waiting list to "shut the fuck up and stop bitching" because some people don't have the privilege to transition.

I get their point, but are you really going to be a prick and invalidate someone's dysphoria like that? I understand privilege. I do, but just because someone has the means of doing something like getting top surgery, it doesn't mean all that dysphoria just melts away and it pisses me off when people do this. Yes, understanding you have privilege is one thing, but it's another to shame people. It's like telling someone to stop their bitching and complaining about barely making it from paycheck to paycheck because some people don't have anything or telling someone with depression that they need to shut up because they aren't having it worse like a cancer patient.

It's so fucked that in this day and age that your dysphoria and feelings aren't worth spit no matter what after you hit a certain point. Who seriously tells people this shit? Yeah, a year doesn't seem like a lot, but when your dysphoria makes you chronically depressed, it feels longer--and telling them to shut up is so fucked. What's wrong with people?

 

My mother drags me down. I've wanted to admit it many times, and I hate to actually say it. But it's true.

I don't mind doing the practical stuff for her, it's tiring for me but I can handle that. What really exhausts me though, is the attitude. Having to constantly force myself not to be drawn into her negativity, the defeatism, or having to repeat over and over like a broken record explanations to try and get through to her why her definition of "having a positive outlook" is so flawed; because there is a big difference between genuine optimism backed by action vs simply expecting good things will come to you "just because it should" and doing nothing, not even the smallest things that logically any grown adult knows they MUST do, to try and encourage that outcome.

She is caught in a trap that is, at least partly, of her own making. And even though she can't see it she has consequently pulled me into it with her.

When you refuse to even try to be realistic about things, especially that which effects others than yourself; somebody else has to. When you daily repeat the same negativity over and over around the one person closest to you; it's going to bring them down. When you live in an immature world of naivety where everything you assume is right, no matter how illogical it is; somebody has to pick up the pieces when you are wrong.

I'm sure it must be very comforting to refuse to consider anything beyond your own outlook, mother. To retreat into the surety of assuming certain failure or miraculous success to avoid facing up to things that scare you, to reject the responsibilities of being an adult. But I don't have that luxury. I don't even have the right to experience my own emotions most of the time, I'm so busy trying to work damage control on yours. And heaven forbid I should have one bad day where I actually express anything, lest I make things worse when you inevitably become infected with my mood. No, I'll just stay silent and keep going on as I have been, every single day, and dreading in the back of my mind that there might be one when perhaps I won't be able to anymore. Because even the most enduring can only take so much. It wouldn't be so bad if I was making some sort of progress at least, but for various reasons, both circumstances and her exacerbation of them, every step is just a tiny, ineffectual one; I am slowed down to a crawl.

It's just not enough when I know it could be so much more.

 

Learning to sew is so frustrating. I'm learning to sew because I'm interested in designing my own clothes, not just for the sake of sewing. Sewing is frustrating enough, the real crappy part is dealing with the sewing crowd. They're all so grumpy, boring and uptight. I guess they just really hate me. They also have no sense of fashion most of the time. I really don't get that.

 

OMG, leave me the fuck alone. I hate coming off as mean, but please STOP TEXTING ME. I have enough emotional problems, I don't need you texting me every fricking day to talk about Gotham or guns. LEAVE ME ALONE.

 

I'm so flipping tired of the evil in this world. Just thought I'd say that since I've spent so much time lately in a deep state of melancholy as a result of all these horrible things in the world. Like a quiet chatter in the back of my mind just loud enough to cause a permanent mental obstruction.

I wish the good was good enough, but there just isn't enough good for me to feel good. So sadly enough the way for today and for days to come is to feel bad for all the bad in the world.

 

Getting really tired of people shitting on people (who work jobs in retail and food services) who want minimum wage to be increased. They ALWAYS drag police officers, EMTs, and the military into it and make it into a pissing contest--and I hate that. Nobody is saying people who work at McDonalds or Arby's deserve to get paid more than those people, and I don't know why it's too hard to understand that people want minimum wage to be "livable wage".

I worked at a fast food joint, and I was only able to work on weekends because of school. I'd go in and stay well beyond what was expected of me as a fucking high school student; being at my post for 10-12 hours. And guess what? I didn't have shit to show for it by payday because I had a phone bill to pay for and had to put things away for therapy and transition related material. The same goes for when I was an actor for a local haunt. I got paid more than I ever did at McDonalds, but I still had nothing to show for my work after payday due to where everything had to go. If I was lucky, I barely had money left over for a burger or cup of coffee to reward myself for a job well done.

Minimum wage, as it stands, is not stable enough for someone to make a living off of--and that goes for nearly everyone who is employed or trying to get back into the employment line. This isn't a damn fight for us "burger flippers", it's for everyone--so can people stop it with this bullshit already about saying who does and doesn't deserve to be able to support themselves decently? Maybe I'm just bitter, but if people really gave a shit about EMTs, firefighters, and others who are being ripped off in the first place; then they wouldn't use them as a scapegoat to piss on other people in the working class. It's just like with people who talk about issues with homelessness and Syrian refugees, usually dragging homeless war veterans into it--when they otherwise, wouldn't give two shits about them on any other given day.

Jesus fucking Christ. Can people stop with this bullshit already?

 

Starting in May, I'll be working with the girl I'm in love with for the fourth summer.

When I met her 3 years ago, I thought I was straight. Now I know I'm obviously not and I miss her and can't wait to see her. She is openly gay, and I'm going to tell her that I'm gay this summer. I am so hopeful that something will happen between us.

But I'm also getting really tired of constantly thinking about her and hoping she likes me, and I kind of wish I would never see her again and I could forget about her and actually move on. It is SO draining, mentally.

I know this entire summer is going to be me feeling stressed, going back and forth between making a move and trying to ignore my feelings.

Just tired thinking about it.

Also, this thread is so cool. I've loved reading everyones posts.

 

Hi. Here's my vent (kinda sorta):
I'm Bi. I'm exactly 13, so no need to not use this site for support. . I am a closeted bi and really want to come out, except some of my friends don't get it. Excuse the language, but the way the think of bi people is- if you are bi you hump anything that moves. They are very kind to me and are otherwise fine, they were just raised in a sheltered world (not their fault.) Soooooo....I'm not sure. Also, my mom is kind of supportive (I've hinted but not straight out told her) And.....all these people keep on telling me I'm too young. So what? I have feelings. They might change, but right now I just need support and I'm sure this is who I am. This is my bi description right now- I'm figuring it all out.
sensual attraction – attraction that motivates a desire to be physically intimate or affectionate with someone, in a nongenital fashion. This may be a nebulous desire to simply touch and be touched by the other person or it may point toward distinct forms of physical contact: hugging, cuddling, caresses, holding hands, massages, sleeping in the same bed, touching each other’s hair, platonic kisses, etc. Sensual attraction can exist apart from sexual attraction and even from romantic attraction. It usually goes hand in hand with emotional attraction but not strictly. -This is me.

Biromantic: romantic attraction toward males and females- I think of love as romantic, never sexually. Basically, romantic for me is sensual attraction + liking them.

 

Just got told that it's classist to be annoyed by two people who lied to get on Catfish for (basically) a free flight to see each other. So...glad to know I can't have an opinion on something like this unless it's siding with them. Great.

 

Rantings of a pissed-off football hooligan

BITE ME, JUVENTUS F.C.

You were two minutes away from knocking fing Bayern München out of the Champions League. TWO MINUTES.

You were up 2-1. With two minutes left to go.

So go ahead and let THOMAS FING MÜLLER, who could probably score a goal with his ass if he could see the goal from that angle, score the equalizer with less than two minutes left on the clock. Go ahead and force the game into extra time, where you then proceeded to get your collective arse handed to you in absolutely spectacular fashion, in front of the entire fing world.

So now, instead of being the team that knocked that Scheissverein out of Europe, which I think just about everyone not wearing Bayern colors wanted to see, you're the team that tripped over your own feet at the finish line and fing handed them a spot in the quarterfinals.

So I extend an invitation (that he'll never see, and I don't care) to Massimiliano Allegri: I implore you to bring your team to Dortmund, because that motley crew of lackwits and blue-balls that you've assembled couldn't even beat our damn youth squad. But it might just be a confidence-booster to our boys to knock around a team with the reputation that Juventus is supposed to have; a club that's supposed to be one of the best in Europe.

But for now, I have to watch fing F.C Hollywood keep going in a competition that they should have been knocked out of this afternoon until 10 boys (and Gianluigi Buffon, who at the age of 38 stopped qualifying as a boy when people were still doing the Macarena) decided to fall asleep at the wheel.

FUCK.

I hope Bayern gets drawn against Barcelona. That way I can see Messi, Suarez, and Neymar make Bayern's makeshift and broken defence eat that damn ball.

(I'm not even a Juventus fan. But I've got two teams: Borussia Dortmund and whoever beats the piss out of Bayern München.)

 

One of the worst days I've had in a long time. I failed my drivers test today, got really bad anxiety during my test which lead me to do REALLY dumb moves and automatically failed pretty much right off the bat. Right after failing, I got a nose bleed while sobbing uncontrollable and hyperventilating in the car. I never cry but the tears wouldn't stop coming...After I stopped I tried to keep my composure and called my brother over so we could go home. Well that failed...I started having a mini anxiety episode while once again hyperventilating and sobbing. My brother and me don't connect when it comes to feelings and deeper things like that...I feel like a burden having him seeing me like that.

 

I feel like no one will ever understand me. Not even a little bit. I'll be emotionally alone forever.

 

I feel like a freaking klutz and newbie that's never been in the desert before... I drove out to Apache Junction to take some pictures of a cool rock formation, got out and within 30 seconds of climbing up to where I wanted to take my shot I get stung by a bark scorpion... they're little suckers but pack a helluva a punch. I'm home with a fever and chills but the doctor says it'll pass in a while and to watch out for certain signs.... crap!

 

Had a flashback in public. I'm currently holed up at a coffee shop. Panic attack in bathroom. Felt like I was going to die. Supposed to be volunteering tonight and go to barber but just want to go home. I don't have a therapist anymore and I don't feel safe in my town...