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Venting Forum

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Lullaby, Mar 24, 2015.

  1. Dingdang

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    My parents are rather liberal, but I've heard them complain out loud about people who don't fit their gender roles. They've even said things about me. When I was ten, I learned by myself how to crochet, and when I was eleven, I finished crocheting a little white handbag or purse with scales on it. I was ecstatic upon its completion, but my father did not want me to be so happy, as in his worldview, crocheting was an activity only for girls.

    I was assigned male at birth, but I have evidence that I have tended toward being female even before puberty. Puberty was awful for me, and I especially loathed my voice dropping lower and lower in pitch. My parents, however, want me to be a good son, and they, even now, express how much they dislike feminine males.

    This makes it extremely difficult for me to come out to them, especially since I have to come out twice—as I am also 90% lesbian—or do a "double coming-out".

    I don't think my parents would be very happy if I come out. Once, they found a skirt that I had sewn myself in my dresser, and they asked me who gave it to me. When I said that I had made it myself as a sewing project, my father was, in my mother's translated words, "very concerned", probably because he suspected me of being transgender.

    If I end up not coming out to my parents, then I will still transition when I move away for college.

    I'm not hopeless, though. They let me begin growing out my hair, so now I have somewhat of an early start. :icon_wink
     
  2. QueerChair

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    I am so glad this forum/thread/whatever exists...

    I was going to write some huge thing about reasons why my dad is a dick... but I honestly don't think I can. I just feel so upset from how much mental/emotional pain he's been causing me. I have misophonia but he refuses to acknowledge it and continues to trigger it, I hate having fight or flight response and near panic attacks when he just hums. My eyes are watering and toes are curling just thinking him humming. Then when he thinks I'm not listening and he calls me useless, says I'm disappointing, says my siblings will achieve so much more. I...

    Please...I beg of you... just stop, dad.
    I want to be able to leave my room again without feeling anxious.
    I don't want to dread the thought of coming home from school.
    I want to stop feeling so.........
    I want my dad back, the dad who believed in me...
     
    #142 QueerChair, Mar 17, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2016
  3. Daydreamer1

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    Just woke up really frustrated, and thought about something I posted a long time ago in this thread about how backwards and hypocritical people can be when it comes to promoting body positivity (the message that all bodies are beautiful, which is important to me).

    For me, it seems like that only a select few are allowed to embrace this kind of positivity and anyone else is belittled and made to feel bad about it. This is a two lane street, from overweight people being made to feel like shit because of their size (ex: people Nicole Arbour) and people who like fitness are villainized and told they've "internalized fatphobia". I've wanted to return to fitness for a while for a number of reasons, and I feel like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop with some people; be it have them berate me for saying I'm fatphobic or say I really don't want to do these things--then get on my back when I'm starting out about doing planks at night or being on my bike for less time than I thought.

    It's confusing to me how it seems like there's only one way to be happy with your body or molding yourself into something you like; and if you happen to like working out, then you're obviously a piece of shit who hates "fat" people--basically saying you won't win a discussion with anyone who has this mindset. Why are only some people worthy of support, and everyone likes to just look on the surface rather than get to know the person? Nobody is saying that "thin people" are healthier than "fat people", and that has been said time and time again. Yeah, fatphobia is a problem. But reading into things that aren't even there to defend your claims is problematic. But y'know, god forbid you try to defend yourself, because then you're going to get told you're being one-sided and trying to silence the other person--when that's exactly what they're doing to you.

    It's people like this who make me wish I could show them Furious Pete's story. He's a bodybuilder and competitive eater on Youtube who is pretty damn great. He struggled with an image and eating disorder in his teens, and he almost died from it. Tired of dealing with the voices telling him he wasn't good enough, he said enough was enough and worked on turning his life around--with bodybuilding and support forums helping him recover. I think that's pretty damn inspirational, if you ask me. But you know I'll never talk about how much things like this rub me the wrong way, because my opinion is obviously the wrong one--and to feel like people who work out are demonized is promoting fatphobia and just all around wrong, making me part of the problem. They'll hold my story of taking fitness to a dark place over my head as an example, and then try to checkmate the discussion and shut me down.

    I don't get it. Why are radical ideas like this so damn one-sided? Why do so many have a "my way or the highway" mentality? Why do so many assume that if you think things like fitness aren't inherently bad things mean you're shitting on bigger people? It's like trying to talk to a brick wall or someone with their fingers in their ears. This is so...so exhausting. I want to change. I want to be a vegetarian again and start walking around my development often with my dog before it gets too hot. I want to do different things, but I don't want my mental health to go through the wringer by people bullying me (which is what it honestly is if you're getting blindly harassed by something simple that isn't hurting anyone) for a choice. Honestly...the only reason why I haven't bothered is because I do sub-q shots, and being chubby helps make things easier. Other than that, the only thing stopping me are other people.
     
  4. homoET

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    I so need to vent right now

    I'm sick of all the homophobia at my school especially when teachers just ignore it. I tried to talk to someone about what was actually going on and nothing happened!! I was ignored! The worst thing is its not just me this is happening to, my friend experienced the same thing after refusing to go to a lesson because she felt intimidated by someone being homophobic...long story but they took the other persons side coz of some lies involving a long standing argument.

    Its ridiculous how much fuss you have to kick up for teachers to take it seriously!
     
  5. RainbowGreen

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    I'm sick of being single.

    I don't care what anyone says about relationships being overrated; I want one. I want to experience it. I want to find someone. It's hard though because I'm scared and I've been crushless for over two years :/
     
  6. Browncoat

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    People at work, even ones who straight up know better, are skipping a particular important task, despite my reminding them that they are supposed to do it.

    Really, really getting on my nerves...
     
  7. Kellian

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    My neck hurts. I hate most people I've talked to, and no one will just let me sleep in for a god damn hour. >:L
     
  8. Burnedcloset

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    Why do I have to constantly feel like I'm not attractive enough to find someone? Why does this even matter? Why do I want to be with someone?

    I can't look in the mirror and think I'm worthy. I can pretend but, it's never the truth. I can only think of the money I have to save for plastic surgery.

    I hate being able to completely compare myself to the people I am attracted to. It's a recipe for disaster in my situation.
     
  9. truebraethic

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    It certainly is! But a wonderful one!
     
  10. Matto_Corvo

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    So I got my hair cut by my friend/brother's girlfriend, and its the style I want and I love it. But now every time she sees me she runs her hands through my hair and coos "its so soft". I don't actually mind that. I love people playing with my hair.
    But my eldest brother does mind. He has been bringing it up a lot that one of his biggest fears is that who girlfriend (who is pansexual) will leave him for me. He says that me a d her get along far to well together to make him feel comfortable, especially since I've hated all his other girlfriends.
    I have repeatedly told him that I zero interest in dating/sleeping with the females. He seems not to believe me, and coming out as trans seems to only strengthen his insecurity. He sees my increasingly masculine appearance to be because I am a butch lesbian instead of a trans man.
    It is starting to get on my nerves.
     
  11. mychemromance99

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    It's getting too hot.
    I dislike summer.
     
  12. Secrets5

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    ''Gay'' marriage is not ''gay'' marriage, it's ''same-sex'' marriage ... bisexuals can be in same-sex relationships too. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Daydreamer1

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    G. Yamazawa's slam poem "The Bridge" fucked me up, and it's not too common for poetry to get me worked up. I highly recommend checking it out if you have the time, because it's just great. But it had me thinking more about my family; my grandmother on my father's side being a Japanese immigrant.

    I haven't seen her since I was three or four, and I have a severely estranged relationship with my dad, and I refuse to see him. I have no clue where she is now, but only know my cousins see her now and then. The more time goes by, the more I feel like any chance to learn or understand my culture is dying. I grew up in a true blue Italian household, and it's pretty much almost all I ever knew. When I see myself in the mirror, the more I see my dad...but the less I see my grandmother's features.

    I'll get lost just staring at what's in front of me and wonder when I'm going to have nothing left. I want to learn. I want to reconnect. But then I see the mirror, and I just see a bonafide white kid who is stealing another culture--one that was stolen from me since I was young. I don't know. It just sucks, especially knowing if I have kids and they ever meet my grandmother, she'll read more as a "foreigner" than "family".

    This sucks so much.
     
  14. Kasey

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    Students... day before a long weekend. Grumble.
     
  15. SHACH

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    I have History coursework due in tommorow at 9am and I know next to nothing about my topic, have 0/minimum 8 sources and I have written 2 bullshit awful rushed paragraphs 500/2,000 mininum words. This is about 20% of my grade. It's 20:22... I may have to do an all nighter... I am not the sort of person who can work while sleepy. I am doomed.
     
  16. Aberrance

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    TW for transguys (time of the month)

    I hate this, my dysphoria is so bad right now and the pain isn't letting me forget it so I'm just going to rant. I hate how I get worse cramps than most girls. I hate how it could come 18 days after the last or 50. I hate how it lasts longer than a week. I hate how I've never ever wanted this. If I get it during exam period then I basically have to accept that I'm going to fail or do worse in those exams because I can't think or concentrate properly. I've never wanted children. Why am I the person that is in enough pain to leave me immobile on the bathroom floor? How is that fair when there are self-identifying women that last 3 days with no pain whatsoever. I hate this so much. God damn I'm just feeling sorry for myself now. I can't sleep because of the pain. Hot water bottles don't seem to be helping today. I hate how I have to spend £20 a month on shit that I shouldn't even need. I want it to stop. I'm a guy. Why does this fucking happen?!
     
  17. LRyuzaki3

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    I want to kill myself
     
  18. Daydreamer1

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    Going to fucking puke of this rapist in training sexualizes my partner again. I don't care if he's consenting. I don't like people hitting on or making sexual comments towards my fucking partner. I despise anyone and everyone who does shit with him, and it makes me violently angry. I'm so close to reporting her to the magazine company she "writes" for--because they have the right to know they're giving their money to a predator.
     
  19. lovetoomuch

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    I hate to admit it, but I really want a relationship and to find someone special. Most people know me to be independent and never the type to be desperate for a relationship... I don't want to say I'm desperate, but I am looking and I'm kind of losing hope.
     
  20. Smash4Life

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    Why am I so damn anti-social! (even worse I typed anti- and the phone's predictive text first option was anti-gay and I swear never to typed that before) I've had over a week off school and I have barely been outside, haven't seen any of my (small amount of) friends and someone (naming no names) has probably already figured out who my crush was and by the time I get back to school everyone will most likely know.

    I hate the holidays, I've pretty much spent the whole week playing Splatoon and will probably spend the rest of this week doing the same.
     
    #160 Smash4Life, Apr 3, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2016