Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Lullaby, Mar 24, 2015.
-Me, to everything
I think I'm officially at a point where I didn't expect to be, the one where I have a love/hate relationship with my name. I really hate how "trendy" it has become, and it's practically nauseating to know you could start a collection of people who share my name so massive that you'd probably win an award from Guinness.
I'm so stuck, and every other name I found falls into one of a few traps:
1) It doesn't flow well with any last name I might end up taking.
2) It's a giant mouthful that sounds like multiple names instead of one full one.
3) The name doesn't fit me at all.
4) It's already insanely "trendy" to begin with. (ex: A friend said I look like an Xavier, but that name is so mind-boggling trendy that if I had a nickel for every time I saw someone have it, I'd probably be able to pay a good part of my rent. If I had a nickel for every person who has some variation of my name, I'd not only be able to have enough to cover my name change and at least three years of T, but also be able to my first car back--and still have a lot more left over.)
Finding a name that works for you is much harder than I anticipated. Fuck, I'm so close to just going back to Holden.
The one bad thing about summer (besides the unbearable heat)
Last night as work was so slooooooow.
Fuckidy duckidy fuck fuck fuck!
So sick of dealing with dysphoria all the time. Why does it have to be like this?? And on top of that, this is probably the most stressful week I've ever had, I've got so much school stuff to do.
I've never had a lasting relationship. I have dated 9 men and women, and they've used or hurt me in some way. I ask the universe for what I want, but I never seem to get it.
It's almost 2AM and I'm studying an entire chapter for a take-home test that's due tomorrow (or today I guess). I procrastinated like you wouldn't believe and haven't started a single other thing and if I go into school late tomorrow, which is kind of cheating, I'll be right in time for the AP Physics test I didn't even know was tomorrow and I haven't studied for and I hate physics anyway. Also, I'll have to finish all my other homework and another take-home quiz that I'm completely clueless about basically the whole subject on and ugghhhhh I'm not motivated at all like I was before and I let it get this way and I don't know what to do about all the stuff I should have had done already:tears:
I'm trying really, reeeeaaaally hard not to go in one of my tirades in a certain thread, but I can already feel it bubbling in my stomach and making it's way up and goddamn it do I hate when I let strangers behind a keyboard get to me.
Don't know if I'll pass my stupid program.. finals... i h8 school right now QQ
well my supervisor told me i have to attend at least 12 hour of clinic duty per week so i cant switch all of them into ER's and Wards...
I HATE CLINIC DUTY
just a regular checkups, no emergency to handle, no adrenaline rush for me, no fun at ALL
I'm about to receive my papers for changinf my name... and I'm freaking terrified I'll get rejected...
Dang co workers(though by accident) had me helping out the wrong person...kinda embarrassing when the manager was wondering why the heck I was where I was...>_>
I feel you on that. I'm three months on T, and my dysphoria is driving me insane. My voice feels like it hasn't gone anywhere, I never feel completely flat anymore, and the daily reminder that I got robbed of the right body is becoming more of a struggle to deal with.
Ugh. I can't even right now. It doesn't help either that this website that sells great looking 4-in-1s had one on clearance for $50 (they run $150-$300 on average) and even though it looks darker than the tone I'd go for, I told myself to not even bother and now it's gone. :eusa_doh: It doesn't help that it feels like we skipped right past spring, because now that it's hotter than all hell outside, I don't know how I'm going to hold up when swim season comes.
Okaiii... I live in a 3x3 meter box packed with a wardrobe and bed. I never have any privacy, I can't even use my stereo that takes up 1/4 of living space. I fucking hate this shit, I don't want to live at home any longer. My calves have been hurting for five days straight stupid minimalist shoes, why am I so dumb? Why don't these shoes come with instructions? Why was I born? What is the universe?
First, David Cameron is still Prime Minister. I can't wait till I can vote him out.
Second I accidently looked in the mirror while getting in the shower. I'm so glad I locked the door so no-one saw me react to dysphoria.
Third my parents are being so f***ing transphobic/panphobic. STOP DISSMISSING MY SEXUALITY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD NEVER HEARD OF IT BEFORE I CAME OUT!!!!! ALSO STOP MAKING MY OTHER COMING OUT STORY HARDER!!!!
Maybe one day I can let myself believe that I will be loved and missed.
But I take comfort in knowing that I will always have myself to fall back.
Just about to go for a shower, thanks for reminding me of the old reflective enemy... (not sarcastic)