I will beat "Gay" :)

Yay germanion!!

 

Hi,

They can close the thread and you can start a new one.

---------- Post added 26th Jun 2013 at 08:17 AM ----------

You picked a historic day to be yourself, to be gay!

You can marry, have kids and get Federal protection of your rights.

If you are in the Northeast Salem, MA is having their 2nd (yeah second) pride parade on 6/29.

You are all welcome!

 

Don't be mad at the title. At some point or another I'd say 98% of us thought we could beat it. I think the happiest moment in this process for me was the day I realized I couldn't beat it but that it was ok, life was finally going to truly start then.

 

Well, he's beating it, just not in the way he originally thought. Aren't you glad to have chosen life over death?

 

Wow,just wow! You can't imagine how happy I am right now
after finding out about DOMA I revisited your thread and now all this! Huge steps towards a better life I am so very proud of you, I knew you could do it!
It truly is a historic day not only for the USA but for the whole world,for what has happened can and will have an international impact( I hope!)
All this happened on a very important day and you should be proud of yourself and your strength of character,it wasn't easy dealing with all you had to deal with....!
There's a bumpy road ahead(hell,I'm still having troubles with family etc) but being comfortable with who you are(whatever that is,it's up to you to tell) is the most important thing ever!
and remember,you will emerge a better person at the end of all this and those who can't accept the real you(which in reality what you have realized is but a tiny part of who you are)are not deserving of you.
Good luck with everything,and don't go back in any closets again,all right?

 

Wow,just wow! You can't imagine how happy I am right now
after finding out about DOMA I revisited your thread and now all this! Huge steps towards a better life I am so very proud of you, I knew you could do it!
It truly is a historic day not only for the USA but for the whole world,for what has happened can and will have an international impact( I hope!)
All this happened on a very important day and you should be proud of yourself and your strength of character,it wasn't easy dealing with all you had to deal with....!
There's a bumpy road ahead(hell,I'm still having troubles with family etc) but being comfortable with who you are(whatever that is,it's up to you to tell) is the most important thing ever!
and remember,you will emerge a better person at the end of all this and those who can't accept the real you(which in reality what you have realized is but a tiny part of who you are)are not deserving of you.
Good luck with everything,and don't go back in any closets again,all right?

 

The title of this thread caught my eye. Primarily because that was me 2 years ago. I'm 28 now and I just broke up with the girl I never thought I would 2 days ago. It has hurt me more to do it than anything else I have ever experienced. The only comfort I have this soon after is the reason I did it. I came out to her as bisexual 2 years ago and she was so supportive of me. I couldn't believe it. I stayed with her for 2 years until month by month the realisations started chipping away at me. Even though I was attracted to her physically there was till a huge aspect of myself that I did not know. She was even willing to let me explore that side. But I just couldn't do that to her. Have her sitting at home not knowing who I am out with or what I'm doing with them. Constantly running over in her mind that any moment I might walk in the door and tell her I have met someone else. It's because I love her that I couldn't do it to her.

Not exploring was not doing things any good either. By not expressing myself I was without knowing it suppressing my urges. I mood was irratic at best and I was taking it out on the person closest to me. So in the end I had to let her go. Ultimately I was not really present in the relationship. I thought I was being noble by staying with her, your mind can play some pretty ridiculous tricks on you when your in that situation. But really I was not happy, she was blaming herself as being the reason but didn't want to talk about incase she made me worse. It's was a vicious cycle and one that had to be broken.

You may think your being strong for both of you by not putting her through a break up. But your quite young and may be of the opinion that you have so much time to fix this problem of being gay. I let it go on to long before I even addressed the idea of being gay. I personally am not sure yet what I am but thats why I did what I did. To get the space necessary to find out. You may last longer than I did if you choose to hide from it. But personally I hope i'm wrong. Trust me, life is too short.

Would help if I read the more recent posts. Duhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

good luck bro. you're gonna need it if you think you can beat being gay. i tried to. most people have. it's just something you're gonna have to face. and you can't hide it or bury it deep inside either. it's gonna bore its way out of you eventually. and it'll hurt. a lot more than it already has.

 

I don't think you can follow the path I took, which was rather unhealthy. I came out of my dark depression (and attempted suicide) with anger and a lot of rage.

However, what saved me from suicide was talking to someone. I met the first gay person I ever came out to online. I was seventeen at the time, and he was in his mid to late seventies. We talked a lot, well mostly me - he listened, and gave me support.

Simply not feeling so alone in the world, so isolated, gave me enough hope to eventually become angry and full of rage.

Honestly? You're already leagues ahead of where I was back then. I was pretty messed up - emotionally and psychologically.

As for the family issue, that's simply not true. You have more power than any straight person right now. So many straight people accidentally have children. You can pick and choose when you're ready, emotionally, financially, and romantically. There are many options.

The cheapest and easiest is to becoming good friends with a lesbian who wants children as well. You can donate your sperm and she can carry the child. You might create a situation where she gives birth to two children, one child lives with you and the other with her, and then you both have weekend visitation (much like divorced couples with children) with the other child. There are all sorts of arrangements that you could work out, which would depend on what you're both comfortable with... though it's always best to have a lawyer involved.

There is, of course, adoption. There are many children who need someone to love them.

Next up, you have surrogacy. This is the most expensive option. However, it involves either finding someone willing to donate her eggs (such as your husbands sister - this way the child is genetically related to both of you), or alternatively you could find someone who will donate their eggs anonymously.

There are no doubt other options as well. However, if you want children you can have them. That isn't an issue. You don't even need to snag a husband first - some gay guys who want children don't bother waiting. If I'm not in a committed relationship by the time I'm 35, it's something I might consider doing based on my feelings and life situation at that time.

However, the best advice I could give you at this point is to reach out. DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF. Hopefully your gay friend will forgive you, and you can begin mending fences with him. If not, there are other people you can reach out to, and of course you always have EC to fall back on. So you're not alone. There is going to be someone with you at every step of your journey, so even when things feel hard like right now you can at least take comfort in that you're not alone.

 

No matter what the girl does deserve to know the truth about his sexual orientation, in the future it could hurt their relationship.

 

No, you won't. You will end up damaging yourself psychologically. Although, I can understand some of the feelings you're exhibiting, but you have to realise, it is better for both of you to split, if you really love her, you'll stop the both of you living a lie. This is coming from someone who's been through the exactly same thing you have

 

Y'all need to actually read the thread before you comment. The OP has made amazing, awesome, impressive progress.

 

Are you guys even reading the thread? He accepted himself as gay, broke up with his girlfriend, and came out to his brother. If five years ago wasn't right, then now is. You can't rush these things.

 

Hi Germanion,

Sorry to jump into this thread late. I've been reading it for the past several days, and I want to congratulate you on the progress you've made. What you've done is huge. I know I'm not the first to say it, but I thought it couldn't hurt to hear it from someone else.

You mentioned to Aldrik that you were unhappy because you could no longer have a family. He and others have given great responses already, but I wanted to share my experience.

I'm 42 and have come out just about a month ago. I'm married, although my marriage in ending--we have filed for divorce.

During the course of our marriage, we have struggled with infertility. After a lot of testing, the doctor told us simply that I could not have children. I was devastated.

After grieving, I became open to the idea of alternate routes to parenthood--adoption, fostering or some other that we hadn't thought of. My husband, however, was completely against the idea of having a child that was "not his." And he simply wouldn't discuss it any further. Since then, I've had to live with the idea of never being a parent.

Coming out, however, has reopened that possibility for me. It means I'm free to find a partner who is open to a surrogate or adoption or something else.

Now, you could argue that I simply could have found another man and the same thing would be true. And you'd be right. Except that I would not have left my marriage had I continued to repress being gay.

My point here is only that for me, being gay does not close off the possibility of parenthood--it opens it up. I don't know what will happen, of course, but the issue of children is back on the table.

So you never know what your new life and understanding of yourself will bring.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It's been wonderful to read about your transformation.

--Zoe

 

:newcolor: ride: :la:

 

You know, you could just be bisexual, but, I could be wrong. I mean, I personally repressed my feelings until actually fairly recently. I can't say I know exactly what feelings are going through but, I feel you should feel comfortable about your sexuality and not try to "beat" it. Embrace who you are, suppressing these emotions is harmful. You cannot control who you are and nor should you try to, nobody is perfect and trying to be is pointless and destined for failure. "To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."-Mouse

 

It's very sad that your friend doesn't want to speak to you any longer, but at least you've made amends with him. You can put what happened in the past, and move forward with a clean conscience.

I am unsure where you live exactly, so your options may be limited, but if you live in or near a city there is likely an active gay community. My advice is to go to Meetup.com and search for LGBT and Gay. There may be groups in your area, and these types of MeetUp's are designed to help people make friends and get to know new people. So that makes it less awkward than it might otherwise be when it comes to meeting new people. Likewise, if you have a LGBT Community Center nearby you can always call and talk to them. They may have support group meetings that you can attend, which would offer you the chance to meet new people. Once again, this helps reduce the awkwardness of meeting new people.