Emerging Gay

This is so true. It’s absolutely incredible when you finally stop fighting your homosexuality and surrender to your desires. The sense of liberation and freedom is intense. It’s feels so right when your homosexuality just seems normal to you. You no longer struggle against the feelings you tried so hard to hide. You are at peace with your self and your same sex attraction. You no longer need to make any excuses nor hide your homosexuality. Life becomes open to new possibilities. Take your time and enjoy your journey to your true sexuality.

 

I am not saying your experience is exactly mine, but I had the same thing happen on the cusp of admitting to myself I was gay. I don’t know ow t he exact reason but my guess is I couldn’t keep the lid on the pressure cooker any longer, once. From my experience it sounds like your conscious is throwing up its lasts defenses

you might ask yourself is it hard to go the the mirror and say “ I am gay” if so, why? If it doesn’t feel right then no harm. I tired saying I am bi, I am straight, after I first sai I am gay, and I didn;t feel anything, and it didn’t turn me into anything. You don’t have to permanently label yourself just see what it feels like to try that on .

What’s holding you back?

 

This is all true, it’s not easy to come out but it’s worth it! You realize how crazy and self destructive it was to feel guilty about your sexual and romantic feelings. It doesn’t mean you have to tell the whole world at once but that you just stop fighting it.

 

You probably satisfy your sex drive temporarily every time you masterbate. Probably the same happens with straight people. I make sure not to masterbate for a few days so I'm nice and horny for my partner when we are meeting up for a sex session.

 

Been there, felt that.

 

Yeah I can relate. Not masturbation exactly, but there've been times when I didn't have a female FWB and focussed all my energy on my boyfriend, hoping if I got enough sex the desire for women would dissipate. It did, but not for long.

 

So many guys begin to question themselves when they find it difficult to become aroused to an attractive woman, when they find that they are incredibly turned on by gay porn, or when they notice other men in public. All of those things happened with me. And there were plenty of clues throughout my youth that pointed to the possibility that I was gay. Even so, I played head games with myself to avoid what I internally perceived as an undesirable realization that I could be anything but heterosexual. Even after marriage to a woman that has not been a happy one, I tried to bargain with myself that maybe I was just bisexual or even a little towards gay than bisexual because somehow that was less difficult to accept.

Then I met a man through a work meeting that was both gay and very attractive. He moved into my personal space and touched my arm as he talked to me. To say that I was aroused by him was an understatement. I desperately wanted to kiss him and would have loved to have spent the night with him but that didn't happen unfortunately. But the event forced me to accept that my attraction was more than sexual alone. I wanted him romantically as well as sexually and that has been the key for me to accept that I am homosexual.

For me it wasn't just unfulfilling or forced sex with a woman or attraction during masturbating to gay porn that convinced me that I'm gay. When I discovered that I could fall in love with another man it changed my perspective. Relatively recently I've been in an intimate sexual relationship with someone special to me. Things aren't always easy and not every day is a sunny one. I'm going through ending the marriage and the process is long and difficult. It seems that my new partner is put off that these things take time and more drama than he wants. I understand that we aren't teenagers but I would have liked us to work out. Maybe that was an unrealistic expectation on my part.

So I guess to point to all of this is don't pin your sexuality to porn or bad relationships with the opposite sex. In my opinion sexuality runs deeper than just what causes your penis to rise not that having someone that causes your penis to rise is such a bad thing now that I think about it. I admit that I'm no expert and I'm willing to stand corrected. Wondering if you're gay is probably worse than being gay sometimes but don't expect all of your problems to disappear after the fact. Don't let people talk you into believing that you are someone that you are not either way. You know yourself better than anybody else. Just be honest with yourself.

 

This was key for me too, although I haven't found a partner yet, when I finally allowed myself to contemplate it, it felt 100x more intense than anything I ever tried to think about or thought I yearned for with women. With women it was 'wanting to ' want it, where romantic attraction to men was natural and intense- but I had avoided and suppressed it for years.

I was never really fulfilled with sex with women, but now I realize I was forcing myself too. Looking back I realize now that my girlfriends would initiate most of the time and that I looked at as a chore to get over with.

I agree, but when hetero sex is all we know and it feels blase and then we experience attraction to men the difference can be so great that it becomes clear that we're not straight.

 

Yes this is very common before acceptance. I was stuck in this cycle for a long time. This can be a scary thought for someone not fully accepting themselves yet but guess what, that too will pass. My ‘guilt window’ went from weeks to days to hours to moments to nothing.
Some things that might help: it may seem difficult but try to not organs. This is easier with a butt plug where you can get a body orgasm but not a fluid orgasm. But more importantly, look your self in the mirror or write down that you’re gay and it’s not going away before you masturbate. Bask in how acceptance feels during it, and eventually you’ll remember that beautiful feeling

 

Similarly, I found that saying "I'm gay" out loud while masturbating to a picture of a hot naked guy really worked for me.

 

Acceptance brings an incredible sense of relief as you allow yourself to embrace your homosexuality. Guilt and shame are replaced by a wonderful feeling of release from the unrelenting pressure of trying to be heterosexual. You start to understand that being gay is perfectly fine and natural expression of your sexuality. There is no need for shame, guilt or excuses.

 

Yes I cultivated a feeling of surrender and would repeat things like “I am gay and it’s not going away’, ‘I want this’, ‘I am gay and I want to be gay’ and it would said with passion and emotion, eventually you start to yearn and miss those passionate positive feelings and denial feels like a dark, gray dully world