Emerging Gay

I think you will find that the excitement builds as you step further and further into acknowledging your homosexuality. You find that reality far exceeds anything in fantasy or porn. When you start to feel a real connection with another man your life changes for the better. Sex ceases to be a chore and becomes a glorious centerpiece of your sexuality. Guilt is replaced with freedom. Shame replaced with pleasure.

 

Well put. The intimacy and tenderness a gay person can share with their partner has to be experienced to understand. Once you put aside your insecurity, get into a relationship and start to accept you are gay, there is no going back. As much as some might foolishly try, you cannot 'ungay' yourself

 

Once you accept yourself and enter into a gay relationship why would you want to go back. You finally realize that being gay is wonderful. Relationships are real, fulfilling, and satisfy a desire we had to hide for however long we were in the closet. Being an openly gay man adds so much texture and context to our lives. The gay community is so diverse and colorful that I feel sorry for straight society!

 

Honestly I think it even happens before that. Most men I have seen here in denial or repression who even toy with accepting themselves usually never turn back. It’s like removing the pebble that causes the avalanche

 

This is an amazing description. Right now I am still struggling with the idea of ending my marriage, but the way you describe life as a gay man gives me hope that I can find the happiness I've been searching for for so long.

 

I don’t mean to imply that the transition from pseudo straight to gay is easy or without complications however I would never want to go back. I have never been happier, emotionally more satisfied nor sexually stimulated as I have as a gay man. Living openly as a gay man has opened vistas I would have never expected nor experienced in a straight relationship.

 

If you are contemplating this step I think you are well on the way to embracing your homosexuality. The step of ending a marriage is a tough situation for both parties. However for many of us it was the only viable solution. Freeing yourself to pursue a same sex relationship is a vital step in finding the peace and happiness you desire. Ending your marriage gives the both of you the ability to find someone that can fulfill your emotional and physical needed that neither of you can provide each other now. There is no way to put your homosexuality back in the bottle once it is exposures to the light of day. Good luck.

 

This is exactly how I felt! Once I said those words (I’m gay) to myself in the mirror at 2:00 am I stood there with the goofiest smile on my face and the happiest feeling I’d ever had in my life. Then I remembered I had a wife and my world crumbled. I knew I couldn’t take it back… my choices were end it or come out! I wasn’t sure which I would for a minute. But my friend told me I deserved to be happy and it hit me! I had never been happy! So I said I’m coming out! Getting a divorce and gonna be me! That’s was it! It was hard! I dealt with a lot! But I don’t regret it… and I’d do it again and again to be able to be me

 

I'm so glad that worked out for you. I would love the same thing myself, but I also have the added complications of 3 kids, a house, and basically no savings due to some bad financial circumstances over the past year. I just don't know how we could survive separately. I want to, but I'm terrified!

 

This moment of absolute clarity is the most unbelievable feeling I had ever experienced. Saying out loud that I was gay and happy with it changed everything. I knew right then and there no matter what the consequences I was a gay man and desperately wanted to live and love as one.

 

I know the kids changes certain things. But I was terrified I’d lose my whole family too! We had nothing but debt… literally. So I’m still trying to dig my way out 7 years later… every time I thought I’d get close and on a good path something new would hit me. But even with all that… totally worth it! I’d rather live in an apartment I could afford and look at myself in the mirror than go back to avoiding my gaze at all times.

It really is… like you’d been underwater and just came up for the first time for air… or looking at everything with most of the color drained out and through a haze… and now you see things crystal clear and with vivid color! It’s the best! I’m so much more sure of myself, my life, my past… all of it because I took control of my sexuality.

 

This is such an accurate and beautiful expression of coming to terms with your gay sexuality. Taking total control of your sexuality and embracing your homosexuality honestly is an incredibly liberating experience.

 

Thanks for your advice! It took some getting used to but after a while I got really into it. I can see why you guys like it

 

When you figure that one out, let me know!

 

As I'm single I'm lucky I don't have the dilemma others have here. But last night I had an erotic dream where I was bottom to a younger blonde muscular guy (I'm normally on top). The second half of the dream I was having a relationship in public (just holding hands, light kissing) with a slender younger man. Far from being the first erotic gay dreams I've had, but it shows how complete my journey on the gay spectrum has been. Whether it's conscious fantasies or unconscious dreaming, I describe myself as a 10 on the Kinsey scale even though it only goes up to 6 !!

 

I'm very late to this thread, but I'm amazed at how similar my own journey has been. I too had problems performing for my wife and used doggy style, because not only did I not see the parts I wasn't keen on but also because I could pretend I was topping a man. I felt so alone during all these struggles and yet out here was a community filled with people who've experienced the very same thing, all ready to help and encourage us.

This is exactly what I thought too. After I had finally accepted that I'm gay, I joined a hook up app with the aim of finding friends-with-benefits. I really enjoyed my time with the first man, we have much in common, and I've seen him a few times since. But the second man was completely different, and having always thought such things a hoey, it was love at first sight! For me a relationship just started out of nowhere, and it is so different than what I had my wife. I feel a touch guilty that I likely "forced" myself to love her but then I remember her behaviour.

As for noticing men in public, I never had and I think to some degree I was proactively looking at women to prove I was straight, that and my worst nightmare was always that someone might think I'm gay.

A couple of days ago I walked up to the cashier to buy my stuff. I went to make eye contact to exchange the usual polite pleasantries, and next thing I know, my heart is racing and my stomach is feeling funny. I was looking straight into the eyes of a gorgeous young man and my body had physically reacted with desire. Wow, what an expected experience and in hindsight, something that never ever happened with a woman.

I think as we grow more confident and comfortable with our sexuality and our selves, the old mental defenses start to crumble. My fortress of straightness has been breached and the defenses are crumbling and my true gay self is emerging from the dungeon it's been imprisoned. Long surpressed memories are resurfacing and even my kids have notice that I'm much happier even though they don't know why. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Digesting these long hidden memories, I can recall that the young me had no understanding of why he was different from the other boys, why it was he had funny feelings looking at certain boys and no interest in the girls the other boys were swooning over.

By the time I was 15 I knew exactly why I felt these things, but in the middle of the AIDS era, when many of the outed celebrities were deathly I'll or already dead, being taught in school that love is between a man and a woman, no representation on TV and no internet, it is not at all surprising I thought I was mentally ill. When we moved far from where I grew up, I decided that I was straight and did all I thought society expected of me.

I seriously wonder, if I had been born in the noughties instead of the eighties, would I have been mentally equipped to realise, at the tender age of 10, that those funny feelings I had around some of the boys was simply that I was sexually and romantically attracted to boys, and the absence of such feelings for girls meant that I was entirely homosexual?

 

I love that you asked a bunch of gays how to have anal, but I'm also pleased you've enjoyed it and suspect your boyfriend did too!