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Lesbians that have sex with men ?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by stocking, Dec 9, 2013.

  1. stocking

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    I was watching this youtube video and some lesbians said they actually liked having sex with men this video even caused a big up roar in comment section to the point where some people in the video were calling them fake lesbians . this video was done in September but I I kept wondering what would other lesbians think about this and do you guys get the girls in the videos point of view ?
    Lesbians Explain : Enjoying Sex With Men?! - YouTube
     
  2. savannah99

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    I just want to cite some definitions to answer this one.

    If we're basing it off Oxford American English Dictionary, a "lesbian" is defined as a "homosexual woman," and a "homosexual" is defined as someone who is sexually attracted to people of his/her own sex. I'm not sure about the rules on this site regarding links to external websites, so I'm not going to link to my source, but if anyone wants to check it, it should be easy to find on any search engine.

    So based on those definitions, a homosexual is not even defined as being exclusively attracted to their own sex! Thus, by this definition, the only pre-requisite to being a lesbian is that the woman is sexually attracted to women. If we accept this, then we accept that lesbians can also be sexually attracted to men.

    But, in case there is a standardized definition out there which does specify that lesbians are attracted exclusively to women, I think it's also important to point out that people like to define certain things on their own, especially when they don't feel like there are any labels which accurately describe them. I don't think there is anything wrong with personal definitions, it's just that when those definitions get presented as widely-accepted, standardized definitions, people get confused. So, if lesbians by definition are only attracted to women and not men, a woman may choose to identify as lesbian even though she is not one by definition, because maybe, for instance, her personal definition of 'lesbian' is more like 'a woman who is romantically attracted to women, but can be sexually attracted to both men and women.'
     
  3. lovely lesbian

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    I'm a lesbian and I don't want sex with men but each to their own I don't get it but that's just me.
     
  4. stocking

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    I'm confused on this one
     
  5. Alehkz

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    Yeah I am a gold star lesbian. I don't think women who sleep with men aren't lesbians but Id rather date women who don't or never have been sexual with guys. Just as a straight man that would never kiss his bros I wouldn't kiss much less eff mine either. But to each their own. Sexuality is confusing. Other animal species make it look so simple. Lesbian to me is not Webster's dictionary defined but rather defined under my own personal view. I think a lesbian is a member of the female gender that can maintain an emotional and a sexual relationship with another female and that has no trace of need to sleep with a man or has no previous history of sleeping with men. That's my personal definition. Other people beg to differ but that's because of their own personal experiences and views on their own sexuality. Its hard to have a broad perspective, in my opinion, like a one size fits all definition. After all lesbian came from Greek island of Lesbos where there were no men, per se, however, back in those times women didn't have much choice and some were married. Their husbands being away so long and lack of males around, some argue is what made those women sexually or emotionally attracted to each other. But I think you can't just be turned into a lesbian. A woman that likes men won't even go close to another female for anything. The thought of another female is repugnant to them. Likewise a red -bone born lesbian is repulsed by males. Having sex with a lesbian wouldn't make a straight chick a lesbian, so in the same token, a lesbian that sleeps with a straight female wouldn't be straight. But the dynamics change if a homosexual female sleeps with a man, that either tags her as bisexual, any other label here, or a slut. I don't understand why lesbians would sleep with men for pleasure, but again to each their own and I respect that. I just wish people didn't backlash and judge me for being a gold star and preceding to only date other Goldie's.
     
  6. I'm recently coming out to myself as what I think to be a lesbian. The reason why I say this is because I can no longer picture myself with a man in a long term relationship. I have previously enjoyed sex with men, but the more I understand my feelings for women, the more I don't want to have sex with men anymore.

    I'm not quite sure what that makes me...
     
  7. MyLittleWorld

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    If there is just sex and no emotions then I think lesbian can enjoy sex with men. Women it seems are more flexible here. Straight girls can make-out with other girls and still be straight and they do not find it disgusting. And as they said in this video they want these guys to be gone in the morning. I think it's totally possible. Lesbians want to make love with women and they love women. They can have sex with men because it is only sex.
     
  8. nikidion

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    I'm not saying that you must be absolutely disgusted by even just a thought of sex with someone of the opposite gender to be considered gay, but to actively seek out sex with the opposite gender and then label yourself as gay - that doesn't work. Sorry. You're bisexual. Maybe not to a high degree but you are bi. Sexual orientation is defined by who you are sexually attracted to, which means that if it's someone of the opposite gender, then you aren't homosexual. I don't know if these girls label themselves as gay because of all the stigma around bisexuality, or what is the reason... Ultimately they are like all the ''vegetarians'' who eat fish and chicken.
     
  9. stocking

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    I agree with you , l only think one girl in the video is lesbian because she said she only foes it when she can't find women but to me it depends on why the lesbians are having sex with men in the first place. Because of the stigma around bisexuals.some bisexual women label themselves lesbians , l've seen some of those bisexual women who say their lesbian even try to change the definition of lesbian . And say the meaning of the word isn't accurate. But when you have biphobia this is what happens
     
  10. twizt

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    Maybe this is something along the lines of heteroflexible (i.e. identify as heterosexual, want romantic relationships with different sex, but are open to sex play with the same sex). Only in this case it would be homoflexible I guess (i.e. identify as homosexual, want romantic relationships with same sex, but are open to sex play with those who are not the same sex).
     
  11. spiri

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    I don't know about hard and fast definitions, but I identify as a gay girl, and I sometimes have sex with close male friends. As far as I'm concerned, your sexuality is purely whatever you identify as, and the sex you actually have isn't necessarily relevant to that. Just like having no sex ever doesn't make you asexual, if you don't identify as it as well. The vegetarian analogy isn't great; lots of gay people are in het relationships and have sex with the opposite sex, but that doesn't change whether they identify as gay. Vegetarian meanwhile is literally 'this is what I eat'.

    Sex for me is kind of a way of going 'I appreciate you and want to make you feel good' with someone I'm very comfortable with, so there are a couple of men who fall into that category. It's much more of a friendship kind of sex, I suppose, none of the lust or romance I feel when I'm with a woman, and certainly no desire for a relationship. I'm also very particular on what I'll do with them/what they can do with me. But anyway, I don't know if that makes me something other than a 100% bona fide lesbian, but I don't feel like anyone's really counting. I know what I feel comfortable doing and what I feel comfortable calling myself, and that's all that really matters. :slight_smile:
     
  12. stocking

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    It depends on why your having sex with men in the first place .
    May i ask why do you sleep with these men ?
     
  13. spiri

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    Because I want to (and they want to), for whatever reason - it's different with different people. Not because I'm attracted to them; I'm only attracted to girls, but I can still have sex with guys if I choose. Gay is the sexual orientation label that clicks with me, and I don't think anyone else's opinion on it really matters since what I identify as doesn't affect them. :slight_smile: I think at the end of the day, what other people do in their sex lives or call themselves isn't really your problem. There's no gay police running around making sure we're all gay in the 'right' way, just lots of people trying to muddle through and lead sex lives they're comfortable with.
     
  14. BelleFromHell

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    Sorry, but I don't understand lesbians who sleep with men, and I never will.
    I'll give the ones that do it for acceptance some slack, but I still don't understand it. I'd sooner die than sleep with someone I don't love.

    It makes me mad when so called "lesbians" sleep with men for no reason at all. It's that kind of BS that makes lesbians look like sluts who can be "cured" by dicks. If you sleep with a man purely for sex, then sorry, you're NOT a lesbian. You're either bisexual or pansexual.
    You can be labelless if you want, but you're not a lesbian.

    All I can say to this is AMEN.
     
  15. Fallingdown7

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    I agree with you, sadly. I mean even if you don't love the guy, you still have a desire to sleep with him and that's what SEXUAL attraction is. Sexual attraction doesn't mean "I want to date you" and it doesn't even mean "I find you hot/good looking." You can be sexually attracted to someone who's looks are utterly repulsive (even in a shallow unrelated to love way) to you. And sexuality is based on sexual attraction; not other types. Even as a lesbian myself I can admit a man is "hot" or "good looking" but that doesn't mean that I get aroused or want to sleep with him (Just like straight girls do the same, my straight sister calls women "sexy" too in a non-sexual way). And that is what I believe forms your orientation.

    Now if a lesbian is sleeping with men because she's closeted and looking for acceptance, that doesn't make her not a lesbian. But It's the ones who actively seek it out and enjoy it that I don't get.

    It's like straight girls who constantly sleep with other women and say they are straight. While their label is their business, having the desire to sleep with women at least makes them bi to some extent. It also doesn't help the lesbian community (Oh you can sleep with a girl and still be straight, so it doesn't mean anything).
     
  16. marie77

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    This is bothering me. Isn't sexual orientation about more than sex? Isn't it about who you can love and be intimate with and romantic with too?

    It seems like it could be possible to have sex with men and get off on a physical basis, or the power of controlling someone from a safe place of not being emotionally invested, or whatever else, but not be physically attracted or emotionally compatible with men.

    I just don't understand why they can't be lesbians. The one girl said it was about power and the other said it was about the availability of people to have sex with. I'm not sure they are all doing it for those reasons but this is really confusing and bothering me.

    One of the reasons I have called myself bisexual is because I have had sex with guys and not hated it. I always thought lesbians have sex with a guy once maybe, and are like 'we, never again'.

    But for me it wasn't that way. I am more aesthetically attracted to girls and I think I am more emotionally compatible with girls. I don't think a guy could meet my needs emotionally. I think I would rather be with girls.

    Does that mean I can't call myself a lesbian even if I think there is a 1% or 5% or less chance I would meet an emotionally compatible guy that I actually found attractive and was compatible with in other ways too? If I have to call myself bisexual doesn't that say I'm open to relationships with guys? Because I don't really think I am.

    Sorry for all the questions. I thought I was figuring things out but this thread is just really confusing for me.
     
    #16 marie77, Apr 17, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2014
  17. Fallingdown7

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    I understand where you're coming from, but I do think that sexuality is really just based on sex; hence why romantic orientation (IE: Biromantic instead of bisexual) are separated.

    I mean think about it. A sociopath can also be bisexual and enjoy sex with either gender, but are they really considering emotional attraction in either situation? No, It's non-existent.

    Sexual attraction is different than emotional or physical. I actually think a lot of men out there are more aesthetically pleasing to look at than some women I met, but it doesn't mean I have a desire to have sex with them.

    I honestly don't mind if someone who sleeps with men (while enjoying it) calls themselves a lesbian, but I do think It's a bit misleading....I would never even dream of being with a guy. Ever. And It's kind of awkward to be lumped in with people who have desires to do so especially when It's so hard for people to understand that women can exclusively like women in the first place....
     
  18. marie77

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    Fallingdown, that actually makes a lot of sense to me too. Maybe it's more difficult for me to understand because I think I'm demisexual. I don't really want to have sex with someone unless I am close with them and care about them. I don't see people on the street or meet people and want to have sex with them.

    So to me, sex and sexual attraction aren't really linked together. And in the past with men, I haven't wanted to have sex with them unless I feel close to them and care about them in some way.

    I think using your analogy, an asexual person can't be homosexual or bisexual or straight, right? But they can be homoromantic, etc. So I guess they don't call themselves gay or lesbian but xxx-romantic asexual?
     
    #18 marie77, Apr 17, 2014
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  19. BelleFromHell

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    I agree with everything you said.

    I believe that lesbians who sleep with men for acceptance are still lesbians. I may not understand it, but I know how it feels to be shunned by friends and family, so I don't judge them.

    I have no respect for women who identify as lesbian and actively seek and enjoy hetrosexual sex. They're really no different than the straight girls who make out and do sex acts with other women for the purpose of making men horny.

    We're already given a bad rap, we don't need them to make us look worse.
     
  20. TurtleCat

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    I hope some don't find what I'm about to say offensive, but I personally believe that if you would willingly and routinely sleep with both genders, you're at least *technically* bisexual, even if you don't identify as such. Therefore, I believe these women that identify as lesbians are technically bisexual... the same goes for women who sleep with other women but still claim they're "completely straight." I don't think any and every sexual encounter necessarily indicates your orientation, people have sex for all sorts of reasons other than genuinely being attracted to or interested in someone, but I think there's a difference between purely incidental sex, and actually seeking someone out for sex.

    It seems to me that women who engage in this sort of behavior usually justify it with something like "Well, I wouldn't actually marry these people I'm having sex with, so I'm still straight/lesbian." To me, that logic doesn't make much sense. I mean, the term is biSEXUAL and SEXUAL orientation, after all -- romantic feelings and who you marry don't necessarily have to factor into it. And I mean, what about people who aren't interested in romantic relationships at all, and are only after casual sex? For example, a straight man who sleeps with a woman just because he's horny -- does that make him asexual, or gay, or whatever, because he doesn't actually want to marry that woman? I don't think so.

    I personally feel that as far as sexual orientation goes, who you're attracted to and want to sleep with really are the defining factors, and that romantic orientation is a little different, something that a lot of people don't realize. A lot of the time, of course, they do go hand in hand, but not always.
     
    #20 TurtleCat, Apr 18, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2014