What do you think of the term "queer"?

I don’t use it to describe myself because I usually use lesbian or gay but im equally not offended by it. I agree that I think it can be useful to describe sitting somewhere on the scale but not sure where. I guess if that’s you and you don’t like queer you can use not straight. I think it all depends how you personally feel about the word.

 

I remember when "queer" was an offensive word, but I don't think it's no way as offensive now. I describe myself as gay, but if someone else describes me as queer, I don't get offended. I have been called a lot worse than that.

 

I don't like it. It's used generically to describe sexual preference, but it also implies holding certain opinions. Why should those go together? It's reductive, like we all think the same about everything, and also necessarily see ourselves in opposition to something. I don't want to oppose how most people live or radically reform society. That mindset is boring and (aside from Twitter) usually only seen in teenagers.

 

For me queer as a title is about the notion that LGBT people and other marginalized communities have something worthwhile to say about society as a whole, that the experience on the fringe and the experience of building relationships and communities outside society's neatly crafted rules about how it all works has value in and of itself from which the rest of the world could learn. For me it's the gay liberation side of the movement as opposed to the Mattachine arm. I think it's pretty clear at this point that the Mattachines won and to be honest that makes me deeply sad. The goal of the movement seems to be for us to be assimilated entirely into the existing society--we're just like you! And like I said that makes me deeply sad, so I feel my sensibility is queer.

So do I actually describe myself that way? Not generally. When I came out thirty years ago, I think there was something revolutionary in the simple fact of being fully out. I'm not sure I really think that's the case anymore. The fact of the matter is that while my vision is queer my actual life is frightfully conventional. I've been with husband for 25 years, we're monogamous--the fact of the matter is that my relationship with my husband is more like that of my parents than even those of my straight siblings. I mean I work for a major brokerage house. For me "queer" is a lofty and noble goal from which I fall sadly short...

 

I like the word queer. Personally, I identify as gay but the word queer connects me to a larger group of people that I feel like I am a part of. I'm part of a group of marginalized people who are different from heteronormative society. The queer people before me have paved the way for some of the freedoms I have today

 

I sometimes use it to describe anyone that can't be simply regarded as gay or straight because as we keep adding letters to the acronym, as well as a growing number of "recognized" sexual orientations, it can be confusing or awkward to try and be specific to each and every single group or person. I'm not sure about elsewhere, but in Iceland the term "queer folk" is use a lot by the LGBTQ+ community. I sort of grew up with it so I use it without much consideration of how it can be looked at so differently by individuals. I certainly never intend to offend anyone by using it. For a gay person living outside the queer bubble it can be very difficult to even keep up with all the latest on names, terms, and what is and what is not PC.

 

I love it as an umbrella/community term, or as a label if saying "just not straight" is what makes the most sense to the person.

LGBT just doesn't roll off the tongue nicely, and while I'm all for inclusivity, I'm never quite sure which letter(s) to add after the "T" lol. [Although it can be funny watching high profile people stutter through the acronym during speeches LOL]

And somehow "gay" feels less of an umbrella term than queer is.

That being said, I realize the term can be associated with a lot of bullying and trauma depending on which subset of the queer population you're talking to. Wouldn't think twice about using it around someone younger than me, but would make an effort to say LGBT if I was around someone older than me.

 

I don’t use it. I’d describe myself as lesbian or gay but I don’t like queer. For some reason it’s always made me uncomfortable and I’d never use it to describe myself or anyone else.
I knew queer meant weird before I ever heard it tacked on to the growing list of letters and I didn’t know why people were okay with using a word that means weird to describe themselves. Maybe saying I’m part of the LGBT+ community or I’m somewhere on the LGB spectrum is harder than saying I’m queer?

 

I come from the time when people built castles to fend off the barbaric hoards and wild beasts. Back in that era “queer” was a term thrown at kids like me and at some occasions was followed by an arse kicking by three to four kids that were non-queer. Look, I know that the term has been reappropriated by the neuvo-queers but I hate that effing term like an African American would hate the “N” term despite its usage in rap and hip-hop. In other words, I hate being called “queer”. Please call me gay or homosexual. Thank you.

peace out.

 

that's the main term I use. in part because it's a really efficient umbrella.

but also because of what it means and what it says about our role in our societies. whether we want it or not, we're a constant reminder of the illegitimacy of the status quo. our existence makes "normal" appear as what it is: an arbitrary social construct.
one day I hope, we won't be queer anymore. and other groups will bear a similar flag and remind us that our status quo is to be questioned.

though if it hurts some people to use the term, I'll naturally just not use it in their presence.

i don't know how I feel about non-queers using the term to talk about us tho, I guess it's fine for me if they're an ally.

ps: realising that english not being my first language might play a huge part in my not being hurt by it.

 

I like to use it to describe myself and the type of media im into

 

I'm sorry but WHAT?? We are normal people who are just like other people. How are we different? We just have a different sexual preference. It shouldn't even matter. In the future, I would hope that it barely warrants mentioning. Or do we not want that anymore? Do we want it to be no big deal or do we want it to be our entire identity?

It seems like we've gone from being marginalised and inferior to wanting to be better or at least inherently different. What's wrong with being assimilated into society? Do we actually WANT to be outsiders? Why is being conventional frightful? Stable relationships and feeling part of society are major contributors to good mental health. Why is that a bad thing? I don't think it's a coincidence that the whole "queer" thing emerged at the same time as legal fights for gay people were basically over. Do some people have an emotional need to be in opposition to something?

 

The USA, and probably some other English speaking nations, have a different history with the word. But it is also mostly generational. A 50 year old will simply feel different about it than a 25 year old. This is true with many words and phrases. There are probably heterosexual great grandparents still bent about gay people "repurposing" the word Gay.

I understand your question is rhetorical, but as I answered them in my head, I have to say that while you make great points, the reality is that yes, people do like, and want to be different, even thought of as being "weird." Counter culture is very popular, and it's been happening for along time. I'm on the west coast USA and I've traveled up and down a bit through the 3 states that comprise the west coast. There is one city that literally has signage that says, "Keep Portland Weird." I'm told that once upon a time that used to say "Green." Dating apps these days have a question you can answer when creating your profile, "Would you rather be normal or weird." I've no idea what the statistics are, but a large percentage of profiles seem to want to be considered weird. The fact that they even have that question at all speaks volumes. Currently in the USA, and many other nations in the world, people are not happy with the status quo. From their government, their leaders, their economy, their law enforcement, their schools, the random violence, shitty roads, bad coffee, you name it. Mainstream society is having trouble even wanting to be mainstream, even that term is used derogatorily now among my generation. "That's so mainstream," was probably coined by some millennial and is still used. Is it a big surprise that people in the LGBTQIA+ community are embracing "queer," as a term? It's a rhetorical question.

 

I'm curious if you would say the same thing to someone who belonged to a marginalized group you weren't a part of who thought their group had something meaningful and different to say in the general social discourse--or that they wanted to maintain their group's heritage. I know many people now don't feel that way about being gay--I acknowledged that in my post. But a lot of people who have been out for 30 years like myself do. Why do you find that so problematic?

 

Brilliantly stated, Colm. My ideal reality would be to not be considered odd, weird, or “queer”. Being accepted and otherwise un-noted is just fine by me. As Wanderlost just stated that is not good enough for some in contemporary society that want to own victim status as a badge of courage.

 

I do want to clarify that while I do see and understand Colm's, and apparently your view of "blending into society" I see it as a forward thinking view that is still decades away. The terms I like to use are things like "colorblind," "genderblind," "orientationblind," etc. The idea being that none of what divides us now, will matter someday. That is essentially John Lennon's ideal world in the song "Imagine." But that is not where we are. I would even argue that it is those within these marginalized groups, these minorities, that are not yet ready, just as much as "the establishment" isn't ready. I don't say that to point fingers or be accusatory towards minorities and lgbtq+ people. I just see it in their behavior and actions. There is definitely a desire to square off, appose, right wrongs, be recognized as distinct, set apart, protective of culture, and even teach lessons. I think until we have burned all that fire out of us, we will always see some form of segregation, even of the self inflicted type. We are not ready for the "Star Trek ideal" yet.

 

And you see us arriving at this point by everyone else becoming like the dominant culture?

 

I agree with so much of what you said. But the time to square off and oppose is probably in the past at least for gay and lesbian people. I see no reason to get even, teach lessons, or rub straight peoples’ noses in the pile. What we are now seeing as push back by the general public at least in the U.S. is a result of aggressive “in your face” confrontations when the point has largely been made.

Part of the issue (and I know some will hate this statement) is that the LGBTQQIP2SAA tent is just too freaking large. This is not a criticism of anyone under that umbrella but a statement of fact that as the group expands we have less commonality and are not facing the same life challenges. What started as a movement to enable male and female homosexuals like me to live a life of the same opportunities that the rest of the population had had morphed into a cumbersome blunt object constantly at battle with the public at large. For the first time rather than increasing support for gay marriage we’ve seen very recently some erosion of support. People are growing tired of hearing constant victimization of us when we have gained what we have said that we want. Unfortunately, the loudest activists now have little commonality with the interests of gays and lesbians who want to live with the ones that they love.