Trans MtF / FtM self-esteem issues and how can we help?

Haha, thank you Monika for sharing that!

 

It helps me socially too.

On saturday I spent several hours talking to 5 people I had never met in person (4 of which I had never even spoken to before) and I managed to be part of the group and talk to them all.

If I had tried that in guy mode I wouldn't have said a word unless spoken to and probably would have been miserable the whole time.

 

Go Holly.

 

I think "pistol" is more the term here.

 

The Diva definitely gets a lot of attention.

 

I like wearing female clothing. I don't know if it makes me happier, because I'm super self concious, but I just feel more... I dunno, relaxed. It's a good feeling either way.

 

That's good.

 

Relaxed is good...


I remember before I started dressing I would imagine myself walking around my town in a skirt with the sun shining and a slight breeze and it was the most peaceful feeling I've ever experienced.

Then I actually did it, and it felt just like I thought it would :3

 

(!):eusa_danc(!)

 

So.... I touched on this briefly in the shaving thread. But the new day of Audrey Awesome™ is finally at hand.

I am a new woman. And I mean that in a way quite different than before. Just yesterday, I crossed a new mental and emotional hurdle where I've finally managed to grapple the full ramifications of transitioning within my grasp and arrive at sense of peace and acceptance about it. This "transition" (a transition within a transition, ha!) was capped by a very resolute speech in front of the mirror, where my gaze penetrated as far down into my soul as I could muster and told myself that [birth name] was now dead. Or rather that, as a facade, he never really existed and it was time to put him away for good, like an outgrown toy. Instead, I was Audrey, tiny, little, stunted girl for so many years kept bottled up inside, but who now was going to emerge from the darkness at last and begin living as the sole occupant of this body. Audrey is usurping her status to the marionette no longer.

Now, this doesn't mean that I am immediately tossing all of my male clothing and that I will be showing up at work tomorrow in my beloved heels. The charade will be going on for some time longer until the time is right to rip the mask away and reveal the radiant woman underneath. That will likely be at some point following the initial stages of laser hair removal, electrolysis and HRT, and whenever I can secure a more accepting job situation. Still, any ambiguity that existed before as to which was the marionette and which is the real person is now gone. I am Audrey. Nothing can stop me now on this path.

Feels so nice to breath the air of the living!

 

Did I die or something?

Did I die and wind up in some alternate universe? It's just that this is SOOOO much more confident and self-promoting than I'm used to hearing!

I'm loving this new wave of confidence!! I'm so pleased for you <3 (*hug*)

 

Thanks, Ellia. I think sometimes we need to go through those early trials and travails, where it's two steps back for every step forward, in order to finally be able to make a leap. As I'm sure everyone here knows, my first two group therapy sessions were demonstrations of extreme highs and lows, which created all kinds of gains and losses. However, just experiencing the dynamic has, I think, allowed me to arrive at an equilibrium about my gender identity and future where I can finally take something a little more sure than a wobbly baby step. I am scheduling my first laser hair removal treatment within the week and I am going to inquire into the possibility of scheduling for HRT when I am at the GT tomorrow.

I am tired of living according to someone else's image. My life is the only one I have, and if I don't live it, no one's going to live it for me. I have to seize this thing on my own. And I'm not looking back.

<3 (*hug*)

 

Wow, I really admire and look up to you AudreyB (*hug*)

 

You'd be surprised just how happy I am to hear that One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that someone you know and care about has gone from feeling so very very low, and come back from it feeling positive and happy!(*hug*)

 

I'm feeling anxious about something...

 

Care to elaborate?

 

So I'm 30 years old. I want to shave my legs (there my legs!). I like the way it looks and feels. I've done it a dozen times before. But I'm concerned about my father. He saw my legs shaved once before and expressed his disapprovement. I feel at a cross-roads.

 

Thanks, Holly! And believe me, I know the feeling. So many of you girls have been absolutely HUGE inspirations to me along the way to help me see that fear is often overinflated. Often, what's on the other side of that fear is so much more rewarding for us. We just have to do our 1% and take those steps.

Thank you ladies and lords, for making this the best support forum on the planet! :eusa_danc

 

AudreyB is becoming an inspiration for me. (*hug*)