Trans MtF / FtM self-esteem issues and how can we help?

^ Yup.

I think i had self-esteem once, but I lost it. Though everyone says I appear more confident now. I was always that kid that got bullied and a big loner type. My mum would criticize me in everything i did and my dad would make me aware I was never 'girly' growing up and try and suggest i act more like one. It took me a long time to work out i was trans because of past sexual abuse which led me to linking puberty stress and relationship fuck-ups to that.

But then I had therapy to get fully over it and the feeling i was trans actually got stronger. That's when I realised it was all a result of being trans, not this thing in my past. But now that leaves me thinking I can never find someone. If my relationship issues had been due to a past thing, then I could get over that.

But if its a result of an intrinsic gender variance within, what can I do? I'm never gonna feel completely at ease with my body because GRS for FtM's isn't very advanced and my parents have made it clear they'll support me, unless I decide to get GRS.

And I've learned to just avoid mirrors. All it does is remind me how feminine my face looks and I hate it the dysphoria just gets me at random moments, like when I'm washing my hands and I'm suddenly aware of how small and girlish they look. I'm just ranting here, sorry :bang:

 

We can't always get what we want. You might try sometimes...

 

I genuinely don't know what to say you guys, other than "A girl can only take so much before she cries"...thank you <3

 

Hey.

Damnit.

Use that smile. No crying.

 

See, you are loved. You are cherished. You are valued.

Now, get out there and keep helping all of us feel the same.

 

(*hug*)

EC awards anyone?

 

This was originally posted by MsEmmzy in her thread here. But I thought it brings up an interesting talking point for this thread as well, so reposting (with her permission) here.

There's kind of a dichotomy here regarding this matter. On the one hand, yes, women who happen to have been born with a male physicality ought to be able to be recognized as women, with no disclaimers attached. (And the same holds true for FtM's.) On the other, because we are cognizant of the obstacles trans persons face in gaining acceptance, we run the risk of abandoning our struggling sisters and brothers if we eschew this connection too completely. It's definitely a fine line to negotiate.

 

(*hug*) everyone in this thread

 

Mmm free hugs

 

i'm very much the same... my hands get me so much. i go to great lengths to just not have to see my hands.

 

If you don't mind me asking, why your hands?

 

Bleh so tired of this low self esteem bull crap...granted I've been at work for 12 hours... But I...look... Like... Garbage blugh

 

Bet you don't!!

 

Just how I look, all around. I look REALLY masculine. Honestly if my nose was a tad smaller I'd be pretty near perfect.... and I absolutly hate it. I hate my square jaw and shoulders I hate my drep voice, I just.... Its enough to get a girl down, y'know? Some days my dysphoria isn't bad at all (today), but some days its terrible. I recently got some girly shirts, and I'm planning on getting a slightly large bra amd stuffing.
Im just really nervous to wear my "girl clothes" though, because I'm self concious and visually I'm male. I just don't want to look silly or stupid

 

First of all, you posted in the right place! You're definitely MAAB female, which is to say you are extremely harsh on yourself. I should know, I am too! So, the trick for you is actually twofold: 1.) How to undo some of that social-conditioning which cis-het society has impressed on you that male-featured individuals cannot be beautiful women, and that's maybe where we come in. 2.) How to maybe help you via some tips, tricks or resources how to achieve a feminine look which better instills confidence in your own possibilities, and that's also where we come in.

To lead off, let me say, although I don't currently have a pic of you from which to judge, I'd say your youth (referring to the fact that you still have a way to go in your puberty) works very, very strongly in your favor for achieving the appearance you want. You identify as female trans* and you express disgust with your masculine features, so I presume you are at some point interested in transitioning, HRT, perhaps surgeries? If so, the earlier you are able legally able to start on estrogen, the better it will be for your feminine development.

Are you, by chance, currently seeing a gender therapist, or perhaps a general psychologist whom can refer you to one? This is a typical, crucial first step in transitioning into a life as a female. Therefore, if you are not, but have potential access to one, I strongly urge you to go. I can only speak my own personal testimonial that a mere three sessions into my therapy has been a tremendous help in getting my mentally and emotionally prepared to transition.

Beyond this, we can certainly advise of little techniques and such that you may be able to try along the way to better achieve the look you desire. (Note I do not say "better be able to pass", since I'm now convinced that this thought process is detrimental to our self-esteem as women.) Personally speaking, I (with my single-makeover experience) am hardly the expert on makeup to advise how to, for example, make your nose look smaller and more feminine. The only technique I could advise is to darken the sides of your nose a bit with some eyeliner to visually thin it out and shape it. However, Monika the Diva, Kasey and Claudette (to name but a few) could probably suggest any number of techniques to try in order to work some magic here. Ladies?

Please keep communicating with us what we can do for you. We want to see you happy and fulfilled as a woman!!

 

Thanks for the advice. I am seeimg a therapist currently, and he's been quite helpful so far, but I'm basically the first person he's counseled about being non-cisgender. I'm actually plannimg on putting a picture of myself on here, but I've been waiting untill I can get a nice bra soI can look feminime. Would it be helpful if I posted a picture? I could do so tonight. Id absolutly LOVE to transition, but I'm fairly sure I can't get HRT, since my mum thinks I should wait untill I'm "legally an adult" to do so. Thank you for the thoughtful help, and to anyone else who is able to help.

 

I think we can advise best with a pic, presuming you're seeking help with your visual presentation?

That's good you're seeing a therapist, although I can't recommend enough the added benefit you will gain by seeing a gender specialist. As case such as yours would be old hat for a specialist, therefore you'd get much more insight and advice into the transgender/transitioning experience. Ask about this, if possible, and also check with your insurance (parent's insurance?) to see what might be covered. (Although I know many specialists don't take insurance.)

And anytime! We're here to help build your self-esteem!

 

Helpful, yes. But only if you are comfortable sharing it. Seriously, don't think for a moment that you HAVE to put up a picture if you don't want to just to make our lives easier.

 

Actually I wamt to post one, I was just planning on doing it when I could stuff and wear girl clothes. I'll post a picture in am hour or two... actually I'll see if I can do one sooner. Quality will be low though.
Edit: ok so picture is up in my albums (tell me if this was the wrong place to put it.) I really hate that picture :/ I stayed at home all day so I look kindof terrible. I didn't do amything with my hair. Hope this helps.

 

Agreed!