Single life in 2017

Yay, this is great news. You might need your own thread soon so we can follow your story too.

 

I married a gay man and I did subconsciously know he is gay. When he came out, I knew exactly what he was going to tell me. It may have been related to my own issues as my bisexuality was / is not acceptable to my family of origin, so there's that. Fortunately, we were best friends well before we dated and have been able to maintain our friendship since he came out.

 

Nice one.

Can I ask? You met her on an app, right? Can you briefly describe what you put in your profile? I'm not asking for specifics but things like picture/no picture? If picture, what kind? Action? Posed? How much did you write in your description? Did you try to convey the essence of you or did you just say briefly what you'd like, etc?

I know everyone is different but I'm just wondering about an example of something that worked. :]

 

Omg you are adorable. I love your confidence.

 

Thanks. That's good info.

 

I hope this works for you. You already know she is rushing this a bit.
not to simplify anything, but being into each other because of common life situations is great for support but does not necessarily mean people fit each other relationship wise. This reminds me of when my kids were babies and I went to 'mommy and me' and music events and could 'click' with almost any mom based on our common baby/toddler situation.

 

You seem to be pretty good about rationalizing and making time to think through each aspect of your past and present life. So do you feel you are bisexual? If you are able to be intimate with a man and he interests you - there is nothing wrong with that part. Of course, working on admitting and accepting your sexuality, coming this far, and eventually getting into new relationship with a man sounds like a dissapointment to you..it is understandable.
The key here is you are just out of LTR. You've got so many possibilities ahead of you. Dont be hard on yourself, you may find a perfect woman overnight, but most likely it may take a little longer.

 

Yeah, that is definitely attractive. I want to hear more about rocking both looks. Seriously. @OED27x

 

Lol, getting carried away by this thread

 

LOL on 'we might have stopped talking 30 minutes in'! Sounds like you have a really good and realistic attitude about online dating! Whether it goes anywhere or not, seems like you are having fun in your text conversations...I say enjoy! (Side note: Envious of you having TWO looks, I have ONE look and honestly I'm not sure how well I'm pulling off rockin' even that one!--haha!)

This sounds like me and my husband and how my marrying him allowed me to avoid taking a look at myself and avoid my issues.

He wasn't gay. But I did marry him largely I think because he needed to be 'rescued'. He was what I have read that is common for women to see as a a 'fixer upper', and I have done a lot of reading on this! There were red flags there from moment one. His irresponsibility with money for one. Our differences in core values in life was another. His general laziness in life. He SAID, he wanted to go back to school, so I would 'help' him do this. He did have some great qualities though, and I saw it almost as my 'project'. I would show him how to budget, so we wouldn't be bouncing checks. I would 'get' him to appreciate being careful with money and on and on. AND by throwing all my energy into this, I wouldn't have to look at MY issues (many many many issues!).

Only later, after the divorce, after getting into therapy did I really recognize this. I learned too that generally people will 'recenter' to where they were meant to be. And him and I were never a match to begin with. Not because him or I needed to be 'fixed' but because we were never on the same page to begin with. Simple as that. And despite my efforts we never would be!

AND I realized I needed to start looking closely at myself and my own stuff rather than running around unconsciously choosing the same type of man over and over and putting all my efforts into their stuff instead of my own! Years after our divorce is when I would start questioning and then come out as a lesbian--and though I was unaware in my conscious mind, who knows how much THIS also played into my marriage and the dynamic.

 

I know what you mean and we have both tried to cool it a bit in terms of flirting, as we were seriously teasing/ winding eachother up. Though we have things in common there are also differences, such as she is very sporty and me not. To be completely honest I find her fitness a bit of a turn on (as well as worrying that I am not "fit enough" for her! But we have both admitted we don't know what the future holds and that it may be something or nothing. I still think that this is worth exploring - at the very least I hope we can be a friend to one another. We are seeing eachother for a second date on Saturday. Because of distance we have been forced to stay over somewhere. I think both of us are nervous about this as basically we are both unsure where we are going with this. But I think both of us are respectful and mature, so hopefully all will be okay.

 

Hey Peterpangirl, sounds good so far. I think it's good to have similarities but also differences otherwise you just kind of merge together. I love that I share things in common with my girlfriend but I also love that there are ways in which we are different and can challenge each other, not necessarily to change to the other persons way of thinking but to look at things from a different point of view or a different way. I think there can be too many differences depending on what they are but I think there should be some. Don't assume that what you find attractive in a girl is also what she wants, maybe she doesn't want another fitness, sporty person. I am sure you have some qualities that she doesn't also.

 

Picture with a smile is good, possibly more than one picture doing things you enjoy doing, but have you ever been shocked by the number of people who put boob shots up? I think it's a good idea to avoid that unless you are only looking for one thing!!! I find it off-putting if people put either no information and do not say what they are looking for, or the reverse - vast amounts of personal information and a huge list of requirements in their "soulmate". I think if in doubt I'd get a friend to edit your profile first, to see if it is an honest, positive representation of you.

 

I am beyond introverted in real life, so I appreciate apps and met a lovely woman on one as well. We recently started talking and met last Sunday and will be getting together again this week. I have a few pictures on my profile - one is a close-up b/w of my face / hair as it is now (longer hair). I also have a full body pic in a dress with some jewelry, and a pic from a day at the zoo with a friend and her child - with a bird resting on my head. Apparently, that's the one that really spoke to my new friend!

I don't go into a life story on my profile, just general I'm interested in meeting people who are interested in meeting people. I specifically state that I'm not looking for a hook-up type thing, but that I'm interested in getting to know someone intellectually, emotionally, and eventually physically.

Um, though, I was the first one to reach out in this case. What drew me to her was her eclectic list of authors she appreciates - including Anais Nin, Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Suess, and Shel Silverstein. I didn't even look through her pics until after she responded to me (I was waiting to see a doctor when I was flipping through).

 

On the otherhand, the woman I am going on a second date with didn't put a picture up, but she sounded nice, so I messaged her and she replied...

 

Does it matter if you are not absolutely clear whether you are bi or gay? I can't say I am. Perhaps you are grey rather than black or white, or perhaps not. Time will tell, I suppose. Can you just try dating various people on the basis of whom you might feel comfortable being intimate with and see how you feel when you let things just flow?