Sick of not fitting in and not being enough for queer culture

Geez, I've been going out and socialising with the lgbt community lately too and I don't feel trendy enough too. I'm not eco, vegan, I don't have colourful hair, an undershave, tatoos and piercings. I don't wear colourful interesting clothes. I'm not into politics and political activism, I'm not into casual sex and open relationships. I just got told that 70% of MLM relationships are open.

 

Gah..I'm trying to remember that very apposite John Lydon quote where he compared the sheep-like tendencies of most so-called 'punks' to army recruits. Anyway, I'm with him (and you). To be honest, I find people who buy an off-the-shelf lifestyle wholesale kinda dull most of the time. Who wants to be the same as everyone else? Create your own social world, hang out with different people, see what a rich variety of experiences our world has to offer and get out of that ghetto...

Beth x

 

Yeah I have met SO many lesbians who are vegan. I have nothing against that at all and I 100% would always respect my partner’s dietary wishes, but I definitely felt weird sometimes for NOT being vegan and eating meat and dairy. It also still is an area of concern for me sometimes because if I did end up wanting to go out with someone with that kind of diet, I’d be stressed about choosing a restaurant with food they could eat.

 

@lottaotter The drag part seems very odd to me. I’ve never been to a drag show either. Yes I’ve thought about as a guy how I might feel with nail polish or more expressive clothing on. Because I’ve seen other men do it and I think they look nice. But none of it's been connected to drag. If it’s not something you're interested in then that should be fine. And I think those people being horrified is too much of an overreaction if you ask me.

 

Yeah I’m hopelessly unathletic lol.

 

I have something against veganism. Not in general, but I have food intolerances and/or allergies for literally all vegan meals: seitan(gluten), legumes, cashews. At this point they got me severely poisoned and I get panic attacks sometimes when I'm met with vegan foods and nobody tells me what's in them and if I don't know if they're safe for me. And vegans take it as a personal offence that I have severe allergies and panic attacks about then at this point. It's so shallow and toxic of these people. And they sugar-coat their shallow intentions as "oh we can hang out together but we won't like you" yeah, sure, I'm up to meeting with people who will exclude me and act as if they don't want me to be there. And they think they're being considerate? I call it terrible acting. The thing is, they also make it more than just a food, you can feel that you're being left out when you're not eating that and ask questions about ingredients.

Tbh I'm sad, because I thought I had friends, but apparently I don't. It's not even that I'm against veganism or anything like that, I just have very severe allergies. I can't change it. And it's the reason to be left out and not have support from the lgbt community? How shallow is that? It's like, they're so extremely selfish that they don't even listen why someone does something even if they're laying it out honestly. They consider everything to be directed at them. I can't comprehend how someone can be like that. This is some higher level of thoughlessness.

 

So true. This is my plan now. I'm done with the lgbt community tbh, I mean, I'm still trying, but I want to just pursue my interests right now and see who I meet.

 

Yeah, I was also looking for acceptance, because I don't fit in in the cishet world. I wanted to not feel like an alien and talk to similar people.

You don't look homophobic. Granted, you beard is huge, but beards are trendy now.

 

In my experience gay people don't expect you to share their interests, but they do expect you not to be dismissive of them.

In 30 years I've been to a couple drag shows and been to a few more events with drag hosts, I've never watched a complete episode of Drag Race. I don't wear anything particularly interesting or outlandish--I'd say half of my "wardrobe" is from Old Navy for heaven's sake. I do enjoy musical theater and opera, so there's that. I'm over 50, not in an open relationship and haven't been on the market for 25 years. I play one video game and have for 15 years. But I enjoy people who dress outlandishly, when exposed to drag I think it's kinda fun, nothing earth-changing for me but it's cool that it is for some people. I don't have the discipline to be vegan or even vegetarian, but I admire others who are able to do it.

The world is full of people who are interested in things I am not. But my take is that if you really enjoy something that isn't hurting anyone, and I don't enjoy it you're the one who is doing it right. When someone expresses an interest in something I don't know about my response is "wow, I don't know anything about that, what makes it fun?" I've never had a problem.

 

I agree that in an ideal world this should be the norm. But this goes both ways. People should be allowed to say they don’t like drag or vegan food and not be made to feel that they’re somehow failing at being gay for not liking it or excluded by anyone who does. What I think op is expressing here is frustration that these hobbies, interests, or diets are over represented sometimes to the point where it can feel like there are no ways for people not into these things to socialize with other people. It’s like saying that people who are sober by choice and abstain from alcohol should be okay with going to bars even though they aren’t comfortable with it.

 

Do you think they are uncaring of your survival bc they eat a vegan diet or did they behave that way while still consuming animal products? Is it related to being lgbtq+ or is it common for others with that diet? I don't want to be around people like that either.

@lottaotter that's awesome you put up a pic and I think you look like a lot of guys with beards which I thought was popular. I guess look for groups for your general interests like my area has meetups for dining out, movies, art tours, beer brewing and going to tap rooms, trivia, walking, rock wall climbing, music events or whatever. Making new friends seems impossible to me too but you're younger than me so you still have a chance. Hang in there and you can do it!

 

This forum is my first trip into the great chasm of diversity which is LGBTQ+. It's sort of nice to see that many of my own feelings on many topics are shared here. Even though I am some of the things which annoy some of you, haha. I do love what Beth said about creating ones own social world. I think that's what I've done. I'm very anti peer pressure and anything that looks like manipulation. Since we are here saying controversial things that could get us burned at the LGBTQ+ stake, I've always though wearing rainbow colors was a shitty fashion choice.

 

No, I never said that. I mean that when we hang out together, they shouldn't take my questions and panic attacks as a personal offence. Kids these days call that ableism. Discriminating against people with medical conditions. And I think the way they act around the food is unpleasant. Also it would be uncaring of my survival if someone said that everyone should be a vegan. I don't recall that anyone say that. The right way to handle the situation would be at least being patient, I take it on myself that I have to check every ingrediet, that's my problem. Also, they wouldn't leave me alone and excluded from the group, forget about me, because I had nothing to say about vegan food besides the kind of health problems it can give me. But my severe allergies hurt their egos and a hurt ego is more important than human decency and helping a friend, right?

 

I must have missed something in OGS's post. He hasn't said a single thing I don't agree with. I'm also interested in other people's interests, but some people apparently don't like you if you're just a listener, ask follow-up questions and don't participate in something.

 

It really doesn't help that these people think I'm hostile to them no reason whatsoever. Because I have a really bad problem and don't have the space to deal with socialisng when it's coming up. Because they have to selfishly assume everything and everyone serves their pleasure in the given moment and if for example I broke my leg during that party amd had to leave and go to the hospital, that would me mean according to them. That would be leaving early, screw the leg.

 

I think because you represent the exception to their rules about their diet having solved so many of their health issues. I've listened to vegans wax eloquent about not needing to take medications anymore, and allergies that go away, health conditions subsiding, losing weight, etc. So they probably don't know what to do with you, someone who has health issues because of their "healthy" dietary choices. But then there is the other issue. Veganism, as apposed to people on plant based diets, are often vegans for ethical reasons more so than health reasons. These are the ones that struggle with your choice of supporting, by partaking of meat, the mistreatment and needless slaughter of animals and bees. Before you get triggered, understand that I am not vegan, and while I do not support the type of big food industry habits that are not sustainable and helping to support a healthy bio/ecosystem, I can and will eat meat sometimes. I'm sort of "mostly plant based" but mostly because of the healthy diet it promotes. I can't go all in though because I like certain meat too much. In my culture I was practically raised on fish, for instance, so some habits are hard to change, even if I wanted too.

 

I think I don't feel sorry for them feeling offended now. They deserve it for not being okay and for not even listening to me trying to explain what is going on.

And they're probably doing the right thing in opinion, but I can't afford such a choice myself. My diet is already very hard and restricted. I don't have mental energy left. I would try vegetarianism if I had any space to move with dietary choices. I tried in the past and it didn't work. I sometimes struggle with any food intake when my IBS issues get really bad.

 

Lol I don't think it's meant to be high fashion though. This made me laugh and imagining a clown suit in full rainbow stripes lol! Of course it's well known that gay men are fashion icons and we invented the rainbow, but would never suggest it for a full on outfit

I fully agree and I enjoy all foods so I was surprised they would be so rude about it. I don't go for peer pressure either, obviously that I never had a date just to fit in like others did. Lots of reasons like that I don't fit in anywhere. My previous comment was more how you seemed to paint most people who go vegan as being so rude about it. I'm not around any, so I'm likely out of touch with social norms now.

I like this too and there must be other plant based foods people aren't allergic to. People with food allergies is very common and there is growing demand for ecological foods so it has to work together. There's also a lot of money to be made in both of those areas. Ideally super common plant based foods that no one is allergic to so the price is right.

 

Oh, I must have worded it badly. I'm boiling when I think about these situations. It makes it more difficult. By "vegans" I meant my vegan acquaintances, not most existing vegans. I can't know what other vegans are like, obviously, and I wasn't referring to them. Ugh. Maybe there is a part of this problem in me that I can't word things right when I get nervous. It's nice of you that you listen though and say what you thought, instead of doing what those people I talk about did.