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Question for all the older boys and girls out there?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by johndeere3020, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. Railwayj

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    My problem is being a somewhat out and somewhat still closeted gay guy. At my age it’s sucks to be in this position. I have lots of friends. Straight friends that is. I try to meet gay guys but being in a place like Alabama is very limiting as to how to do that. I’m sure all of you know that online sites are more or less hook up oriented although I’ve tried meeting friends on a couple of them. Even this site you can’t contact anyone until you post lots of things and then request the privilege. I don’t drink or smoke so that eliminates other venues where gay guys hang out. I’d like to have some gay guy friends somewhat around my age at least. I’m like some of you have said in wondering if that will ever occur. I’m also mechanically minded and enjoy working on things and I know as has been pointed out that there are gay guys like that but damn if they aren’t few and far between. Lol I’ve met some guys who would find it a challenge to change a light bulb without assistance and they are happy in that.... which is fine, but it doesn’t change the fact I’m left looking for someone I have things in common with. I may be left to my own devices unti I’m dead as well but I keep hoping to find someone like myself who is local and who is looking for friends. The search continues..........
     
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  2. Nickw

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    I've just caught upon this thread and have a few comments.

    There was discussion about wishing they had experienced same sex intimacy when they had a stronger libido. My libido is off the charts these days and I...um...can keep up with 25 year olds. Why? I think it's a combination of staying fit and not worrying about it. I exercise a LOT. Exercise can make up for a lot of years.

    So. I stay fit and I try and stay current and I have a lot of respect for people of all backgrounds and ages.

    So. I hang out with gay guys who range in age from early twenties to mid seventies. I'm not discriminating in who I will meet and have a beer or a cup of coffee.

    I just like people....any people.

    This approach yields lots of opportunity to meet other guys. More than I can possibly keep up with.

    You want to meet other guys or women...get fit or get active (I'm just an average guy), don't prejudge (there are lots of princes and princesses in common clothes, and be open minded. Date younger and older people. Learn from them. Network. Meet their friends.

    My current BF could have written your posts. He sat around and waited and waited for his life to start. Now, he's coming out of his shell (with a lot of pushing from me). Everyday I am amazed at who he is becoming. This is a little bit because of me. But, it is mostly because he hadn't realized what he had lost when he quit trying to get it out there.

    I know I get annoyingly preachy about this subject. But, I know it works.
     
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  3. Maldoone

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    Oh
    Wow. Me too. I thought the end had come, as I crawled my way back. For more than a year now, the subject is closed. The last post from her was "well I think you're obviously bisexual. I can live this way. But it's shit hard sometimes. We are all the centres of our own universe, and while I know there are bigger things to think about - I'd like to talk to someone who feels the same way...
     
  4. Maldoone

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    Ha
    Haha. Weeks after I came out to my wife, I began a fierce wright loss campaign. Nothing from books; I just changed my lifestyle. Why? I ask myself that question often. Anyway, lost 25 kilos, got fit, and started running. You're so right. Being fit makes to so much more acceptable to everyone; confidence with strangers etc. Now- gotta walk into that bar - the one everyone knows, caters for GAY people!!
     
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  5. Nickw

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    I hope that what you learned though was that becoming active makes you feel better for yourself and not just for some guys at the bar. Although that can be fun too. Did you notice an increase in your libido too? (Not at the bar...haha...after you lost weight?)
     
  6. Maldoone

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  7. Maldoone

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    Ah. Yes. Didn't do me any good! I've not experienced a lack of sex drive in my life so far; just frustration! But that's normal i think...
     
  8. mattblack

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    I know what you mean. I haven’t finished my journey yet...only just starting really.
    Yes, lots of wasted years, lost opportunities, time spent treading water instead of making progress.

    I’m a long way behind in career and money due to not being happy and able to form proper relationships with people.

    But I can’t go back; the past is behind me and the future is ahead. I just have to put my efforts into the present day/hour/minute, because all the rest is either done already or not here yet. You only really have to deal with the present day.

    I guess I forgive myself for all those past mistakes because I know how difficult it’s been for me, and that I’ve always done my best in the face of something I’ve found terrifying.
     
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  9. Maldoone

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    Hmm. No point in thinking about wasted years. Cant do nuthin about the past.. yeah. (Thinking). Two years since I finally came out at 56. Two years to think about it. The impact on my wife (less than it was on my friends). The ramifications on the rest of my life - however long that may be. It's all tosh..isn't it? What really mattered was that I really accepted that I find some men as attractive to me as some women. And I'm not going to hide that anymore. I so demean small thinking bigots who can't accept that, as a human way to be. End. (And where's that guy I want so badly that wants me?...)
     
  10. MBM4K54

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    I wish that I was honest with myself about my bisexuality when I was younger instead of trying to be 100% straight.
    I've been asked out on a date by a gay guy, he's a really nice guy and not bad looking.
    I hope that I don't feel too shy and scared to thank him properly. I'm getting too old to have any more regrets.
     
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  11. Maldoone

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    Hey. My sexuality looks obvious now, looking back, I see those times when I was honest with myself. Now? I've had the bad times with my wife; not getting her to accept me as I really am, more just riding the roller coaster of life. For me, that's being alive. Doesn't work for everyone I know. If I was asked out by a guy now? I'm not single, and I guess that colours my answer. Anyway it's fantasy. I envy you I suppose. Just be you. x
     
  12. Rblaze

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  13. Rblaze

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    fall in love everything will change
     
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  14. RJH

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    You are so lucky. I'm very happy for you -- and also envious! I'm in the process of getting divorced now, at age 54.
     
  15. RJH

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    It was great to be a dad, still is. But I was so fit and nice looking when I was young and now all that is gone!
     
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  16. Maldoone

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    Yes. But the past has, and is passed. I can't regret what I have done, and the two brilliant sons I have. Along with my ever keen-to-be wife. Despite her heroic effort to eject me when I came out, she still wants me to stay. Practicality in older years? U don't know. She's running marathons and I'm training now too. Now I have a dragon that wants to bite me. I came out to friends 15 months ago and they're gossiping. I feel I've got something to lose. At the same time, something to gain. But I ain't young anymore. Fitter than I've ever been. But mindful that there will be lonely times ahead. Or will there?
     
  17. Maldoone

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    Totally. The past had passed. Look at what you gained. You can only guide the future.
     
  18. Butterfly6

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    This feeling almost got me stuck while going through this journey which is regret. I try to focus on the good that I have experienced so far such happy moments in my marriage, my kids, career.

    I also focus on the lessons such as I may not be able to commit myself to 1 relationship. For me, having feelings for both sexes is tough. My husband is a wonderful man and he has taught me so much in regards to the important things in life .
     
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  19. RJH

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    Hmmm. I've lived alone for about 6 weeks now; was married for 30 years. I'm not lonely. I would like to have a companion, but I definitely don't want her as a companion! Maybe think about that. As for the friends; what right do they have to judge? And are they your friends if they do?

    My soon-to-be-ex made up a bunch of stuff and got a judge to sign a restraining order for me (very easy to do in the U.S.). My whole side of the family knew it was bogus; now they won't talk to her. Ha, I won't have to share them after the divorce -- and she did it to herself!
     
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  20. Maldoone

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    Me too. Our 30th this year.
    I've thought about what to say if I'm confronted by an old friend. I think somewhere between "its not really your business" and open truth. Which is
    Me too. This is our 30th year. I've thought about what to say if I'm confronted by an old friend. I think somewhere between "its not really your business" and open truth. Which is that I'm in the middle of that Kinsey scale. But I suspect it's more fuel for the gossip that's sought, rather than a deeper understanding. The keyword here I guess is 'old' friends - time to leave them.
    I see what you're saying about the companion bit - and, as the (I'm certain now) the only person in this marriage interested in sex, companionship is what we have. Most underrated I'm sure, but lacking intimacy drives me mad. I'm trying to find other avenues but I'm not yet dead, so.
    Sorry to hear of your woes. In some deep recess of my mind, I seek closure - which might come in the shape of a final excommunication brought about by a 'concerned' friend. Hardly a friend, and I'll just have to face it if it happens, with the truth, as I see it. Give them no where to go. Which about sums it up for me, too!!
    Take care.