Married and also involved

I would be very cautious with this especially if you feel she may not be as invested as you. How you proceed depends on many things. Have you tried talking to your partner about your feelings for women? It's not always possible but if it is talking it through with him before leaping in might be best. If you do anything before talking to him it can effect your options later if things get complicated.

I can tell you that talking to my husband before hand and being frank has really been instrumental in keeping this all very healthy for us and our kids. It's been hard but healthy. You don't know how you are going to feel after having experiences. It's helpful to consider possibilities as you move forward, especially when kids are involved.

 

This situation has red flags written all over it. How long have you been talking to this woman? Have you been intimate?

I would follow your gut in how she seems to see your relationship differently. The more you get attached the more it will hurt if things end. Maybe slow things down a notch? It may be helpful to take time and understand yourself and what you want. You made a big discovery about yourself here and that's the really important thing. No relationships do well if you don't care for yourself first.

 

So it sounds like you are willing to cheat just to be with this girl versus talking to your husband about these feelings. I'm assuming everyone knows about your situation but the person that should actually know. You can wait for her to solidify her feelings for you before you make a major move or you can secretly keep seeing her until she gives you the security you need to leave. I recommend talking to your husband and telling him your clearly not happy and you have stronger feelings for someone else but be cautious because you can risk it all for nothing

 

You should be happy as well but not at the expense of someone else.

 

I'm glad that you are realizing something new about yourself and you should definitely talk more about it, I mean if this girl doesn't work out which she clearly stated she doesn't want a relationship, there will probably be another girl that you will like and you shouldn't have to conceal who you are.

 

What would you like to happen if you could have it your way?

 

It sounds to me like she has been very clear that she can't give you what it seems you are wanting. I really don't think the most important question is this relationship. That seems answered. You get hurt now or you get hurt later.

So my gut tells me you need to give the relationship space and think about the other aspects of what you are experiencing. I do think there are situations where infidelity is warranted. Everybody deserves to be happy and some people have extreme circumstances. I also think that honesty is the best way to go. Now that you know this about yourself, maybe take some time to reflect how you want to move forward in your marriage. A therapist could help you with that and help you with understanding more about who you are. It might be a really good place to start.

I really think, from what you shared, this relationship isn't healthy for you. Just think about what you have discovered about you. It's a wonderful thing and you deserve to be happy. I think you can find away with some thoughtful soul searching. I know it will hurt to let go, but other doors will open. If you are thoughtful and careful, they could be a much better fit for your life.

 

I'm 28, and I agree with Mabel, it will be hard but these feelings are not going to go away. Definitely do not do anything that will damage your well being. Maybe ask your husband how he feels about bisexual women not referring to yourself but in a co-worker or a random person scenario and see how he reacts. The fantasy of living together doesn't seem like it will happen but you could I guess continue to see her but you will probably grow stronger feelings. It's best to realize you girls will only will be intimate and that's ok as long as all parties know. You will slowly start to think in a more rational way versus jumping off a cliff making love crazy decisions

 

Anytime stuck42, be safe, happy, and most importantly content with thyself. You seem great so do not be surprised if you start having girls fall in love with you.

 

I have dealt with a similar situation, not quite the same though. I didn't meet my girlfriend on a dating site but a support site, much like this one but for bisexual women and I had been on there for three years before I met her. I wasn't looking for a relationship. My husband knew as soon as I started questioning my sexuality, he knew about the site and opening our marriage was something we talked about a great deal, but didn't feel right until I met her. My husband trusted her and I did too. She handled it differently. She didn't tell her husband. She lives in a very conservative area and has an extremely religious family. Telling him would mean she loses everything in a big way. He is not religious but he would not be able to handle it. We both felt good about our limitations because neither of us wanted to leave our marriages and upend our lives. There was a balance that worked. It worked for three years.

Things have changed though. Early on in my relationship with her I felt a difference. I knew there would be excitement from learning about myself and the new relationship, so I rode the wave and decided three years later (now) that the excitement has waned and the difference in intimacy is still there. I really feel now I was meant to be a woman. This has changed everything. There is no more balance, I want more and she can't give it, my husband and are splitting (still best friends and working through that together).

My point in telling you this is that you I feel you are in that new relationship/new understanding of your sexuality place and you really aren't in a good place to do drastic things. It's a good time to read up on relationships like this. Books on sexuality, polyamory etc. . Just soak it all in and process it because it's not going anywhere and you need to be in a balanced place so you can find a healthy path.

I by no means consider my opinions the only opinion. I'm only giving my thoughts from my perspective and experience, every one is so different. At the least I hope it helps you feel not so alone.

 

Similar but we have been exclusive with each other since we started three years ago. We have stayed together for three years because we talk every morning and every night. We have 7 hours travel between us so we see each other at the most one every three months. We video call one night a week. She has one child and he is 18, so travel is easier for her. She doesn't flirt with other women or send pictures etc. so those are some differences. This relationship is important to her she just still loves her husband, her choice would be to have us both. Which might of been possible if I weren't gay, that changed everything.

If a relationship as you questioning and anxious that frequently. It's a good guess that it isn't a good fit for you. Those feelings aren't going to go away and I think they are trying to tell you something about this relationship.