How do you get over someone you were never with?

I know exactly how you feel as I am going through the same thing but from what I felt worked, just try to spend time away from them. If they keep texting you, turn your phone off and go for a hike with some friends or go do something new with your family/friends. Erase them from your mind for a day.

 

Starmotive I am in the exact same position. I told her exactly how I felt maybe a year ago and she really didn't believe me until maybe a month ago. I told her I wanted space. I thought we were cool with that but she has made it clear she is not happy with me about my decision. I asked her what she expects from me. You reject me and expect me to be the same. It's not possible. According to her it's not a rejection because she didn't say no to us but our circumstance won't allow us to be together. I told her I don't buy that story. I wished her all the best and we haven't spoken in a bit. I think about her every day but I need to be mentally strong and so I refuse to contact her. She is my best friend and it's hard but I have to find a way to move on and the only way is to purge her from my system. You have to do the same.

 

Starmotive this sounds exactly like me. My friend was ok with me telling her I had feelings for her too however she didn't really seem to take them seriously and that really upset me. She would proceed to tell me about her boyfriend which was like a knife going through my heart over and over. I finally had it and we fought about her not taking my feelings seriously. She told me that she heard what I was saying but couldn't actually believe it because she just can't believe it because we have been friends for so long. It didn't feel real to her and she was content to just carry on with how we were in the meantime a little piece of me was dying inside every day.
I never wanted space. I never wanted to be apart from her but I had to start considering my own feelings because it was clear I was putting her feelings above mine and it was literally killing me. one day we were talking about my feelings and I told her I need space. I said it clearly and explained why. She told me she understood and should take the time I needed. I later found out she didn't mean what she said because we had a big fight over it apparently she was upset by me staying away. We spoke about it again and I just told her that I need to remove myself from our situation because it's not healthy for me and if it's not healthy for me it's not healthy for our friendship.
She has contacted me several times since I have cut off contact with her and in an effort to not be an a-hole I have responded but the convo always went further than I wanted it to. She has told me that she misses me and thinks about me alot.

 

Our most recent discussion was me telling her what her rejection has done to me. To which she responded I shouldn't see it as rejection. I asked her what should I see it as then. She said it's not like we are both unattached and I approached her and she said no way. But this does nothing for me. I guess I'm more interested in knowing how she feels about me. I have no intention of breaking up her relationship but I want to know that I am not the only one who feels this crazy connection we have. I know she feels it too. There is no way she can't and I want her to confirm it.

 

I keep getting more thoughts. Obviously the friendship with my friend is different now but in my opinion in a good way. She had all the control before because she knew how I felt about her and would do anything for her. Clearly now we speak less and have less significant conversations but I feel like I am more in control. Thing is though she is the one making contact every time. I never initiate. I know she is missing me which is nice to know but u have to take back some of the control and move on with your life. My friend like yours was all too willing to ignore that this was a problem for me. She would behave like I didn't just admit everything to her. The burden I was carrying was so heavy and she behaved like it was nothing at all. Unburden yourself and move on. Trust me you will thank yourself later. It will be hard at first. I'm still struggling. But it will be well worth it to move on. If ur friendship is deep and real you will get back to where you were

 

Yeah. I always felt like I was doing most of the work too. I had difficulty asking for space too. I was scared too. Scared of how it would change things between us. Believe me things are way different now but I feel like I have gained more control of myself and the situation. It's like I told her and I think she appreciated more than anything else I said, I told her I wasn't running away from her but running towards myself.

 

Ok so the same thing happened to me but it could be different because I’m my situation, we are both boys so the reactions could be different. I know how you feel because the guy I liked was constantly on my mind and at the time I was struggling, he was my only true friend so it was hard to go to anyone. What I’m trying to say is that if you let her control your emotions so much, it’s going to drive you crazy. You don’t necessarily have to cut her off but to just not be around her so much. It may be hard if you don’t know how she feels, then just sit her down and ask her personally and let her know first that it won’t affect your relationship with her and it’s stays with you two only. Make her feel comfortable answering and If she answers no, then it will give you the clarity to be able to spend a little space apart

 

That's a really good question. Thing is it definitely has changed. To me it feels like we are more on an even playing ground now. We don't talk like we did before. She was the first person I spoke to when I got up and the last one before I went to bed. We spoke about everything under the sun. We speak less but the quality of our convos are always there and it's because we are great friends. I've told her that we will always be friends and I love her to death. When we fight I tell her at the end that I love her and she tells me the same. I terms of speaking every day and knowing everything about each other that is gone but when something really important happens she is there and I am there. We know we are real friends and nothing will change that. I just had to have space for my own sanity

 

Y

yea I totally get it. One question though? Is the reason she doesn’t like you due to her sexuality?

 

Hey, my phone is about to die but please feel free to direct message me and maybe it will be easier if you, lovestruck, and I have a group chat instead of just responding one by one so we can find a good resolution to this

 

I will respond as soon as I can but my phone is going to die