Getting closer

It's true. Mixed orientation marriages are really hard. I think it can be done but it takes a lot of communication and honesty. And the ability to define boundaries. I didn't have that in my marriage. I thought about it though. Trying to make it work.

 

Hormonal perhaps??? There is one week out of every month where my libido goes somewhat dead.

 

Try and let your mind rest. I know it's hard. I have trouble letting mine rest. Find a place where you can relax and reflect on things without any noise or other distractions. Sometimes just sitting on a park bench listening to the birds and enjoying a sunny day can help put the mind at ease. I love sitting by a lake and listing to the water.

 

If only we can take a peek at tomorrow and see how things will be, maybe we'll be more certain on what to do. And you'll be at ease. But it doesnt work that way. So i'll send you a hug as that's all I can contribute

 

If you are gay, choosing to suppress it for the sake of your marriage is a BAD strategy. I know that's just my opinion, but to me it feels like FACT. When I was suppressing the gay, it was a subconscious thing, sure, but my life was so AWFUL, and I had to take serious antidepressants to just tolerate life. And I was barely functioning... barely limping along. If you are aware of your attraction to women, I really and truly believe you have to explore that or you will never be at peace.

 

You are many steps ahead of me and I feel this exact way at times. Sometimes a good night sleep is all I need to bounce back. Other times I have to grab onto the inspiration of others. Some days hearing other people stories and experiences is what snaps me back to what I know I'm feeling is real.

 

Yes, I can relate to what you are saying. Sometimes when something becomes a reality, you will fight it, even if you want it, because getting what you want means you will have to loose something you are comfortable with. Your body and mind goes into fight or flight mode. It's natural to panic to protect what you have come to know. The panic may manifest in anxiety, bargaining, or denial.
Read about the stages of grief. It can be applied to the feelings you have now.

 

Hey I don't have a husband or boyfriend but I can relate in regards to taking that leap a bit in that I had that a lot when I was first coming out. It didn't matter how gay I felt sometimes when I geared myself up to tell someone important I always had a serious case of doubt. I'm sorry the others probably have better advice for you.

 

As many of you have expressed in this section of the forum, I went most of my life questioning if I was gay and then backing away from it. I even went so far as to read books (before the internet) and then, later, websites. And I came across something that has stayed with me for many years, even if I didn't take action on it then.

If you are asking the question, "Am I gay?" you probably are. People who are straight do not find themselves asking that question.

This was years ago, before "being gay" could include a wide spectrum of feelings and attractions. So while I would amend it to say something like, "If you're asking yourself if you're attracted to the same sex, then you most likely, to some degree, are," I think the sentiment is still valid. Many of my friends who identify as "completely straight," have never even entertained the thought of being with a member of the same sex. Those of us who come out at some point have entertained the thought quite a lot over the years, even if only for a fleeting moment.

 

Hey @Searching1 , I am a little late at catching up on your thread, but as always our stories parallel each other so well.

This line in particular stuck out with me as it is something I keep trying to rationalize in my own mind. I want so badly for my life to continue as it is now, but I also want peace. Why would I ever have considered that I am a lesbian and continue down this road if that was not my true peace?Why would I torture myself every day with the thoughts of how tough this journey is, if there wasn't something more waiting for me at the end?

I have built my life around what I once wanted and it is comfortable. But there is something deeper inside of me that remains unfulfilled and that piece is screaming to be acknowledged. Change is never easy. Breaking away from what has been my comfort and support for so long is destroying me, but I am recognizing that the doubt that is pulling me back is the fear of losing this comfort.

We are all on a constant path of discovery and sometimes that becomes a little overwhelming. But by allowing ourselves to take the chance, scary as it may be, and continue to grow we will come out stronger and happier in the end.

I am sending you a ton of EC hugs because I know just how stressful of a time this is for you. Watching all of this happen and feeling stuck is a very painful and numbing experience. Hang in there and know that we are all thinking of you and hoping it gets better!

 

Hey, for those of you guys in limbo with your sexuality, I have some perspective for you that I gained on Friday. In my case, mind you, it's all a bit different, because once I thought I might be gay, I accepted it 100% as the truth beyond a shadow of a doubt. Not bi, not questioning, none of that. Gay A.F. Just so obvious in my case.

HOWEVER, still worth noting something... For 7 months it has all been in my head... a concept. Feeling sexually attracted to women, but not in any position to act on it. So, just fantasies and book reading and movie watching and chatting online with you all. I can imagine that if I was at all doubtful during this period, it would have been very hard to reach any point of certainty in the matter. But, Friday night made a huge difference. Even as sure as I was that I was gay, there is really no substitute for finally finding out how your body and brain respond to another woman's body and to her touching you. What I'm trying to say is that, yeah, I was sure I was gay, but after making out with a woman and losing my sense of my brain completely, I was even MORE sure. It was actually shocking to me how my body just took over like that. Shocking. Revelatory.

Not suggesting everybody run out to the nearest gay bar and cheat on your husbands! But... if you are in a position to act on your gay fantasies, and you do act on them... well, all this wondering and doubting will probably come to an end. Just my opinion, of course...

 

I can confirm what Rjay said: "But... if you are in a position to act on your gay fantasies, and you do act on them... well, all this wondering and doubting will probably come to an end." In my experience, this has been absolutely true.

For so many years, I thought people were lying about sex. Really. I would hear about how great it was and I would think, "No, it really isn't. I think they're exaggerating."

Turns out, they're not.

 

I can imagine... I just had my first gay make-out session, and already I'm like, OHHHHHH! **THIS** is what everybody meant. DUH! Something very primal and animalistic kicks in. And then you know.