does anyone identify as an afab transwoman?

I'm sorry if I'm missing something here, but how does one identify as a transwoman if you're afab/dfab?

 

So you were born female, or assigned female at birth, but you still have to transition to female? Other than the transition that is puberty, what transition are you making, or do you have to make? I finally at least get what you are trying to say, which I didn't until that last post, but you still aren't making a ton of sense.

 

gengen, I really feel like you are looking more for debate than support. I mean I'm happy to do either and I think, this is a message board, we can do both.

If you're looking for support, how can we help?

If you're looking for debate, "transgender" to me means that there's a mismatch between who you are and how you have to live your life. Would you agree with that definition?

 

She is born and assigned female at birth and has identified as such since birth, but she has bottom dysphoria and wishes for a penis. That is what I understand at least, I could be wrong.

 

Either way I would say, if you are looking for other people like you that are AFAB, that are trans women, I think you'll have some luck with intersex people and detransitioners.

And whoever you are or however you describe yourself, if there's ever anything I can do to help make being that person easier from this side of the computer screen, you got it (*hug*)

 

So you are on hormones? As in going on T then stopping after a while?

And please stop using mansplaining. It is rather offensive to some people. Yes we are misunderstanding because it is not a commonly found thing. But if that is who you are then that is who you are.

 

Yeah, I do have one question. Seriously, why? ...trans women aren't a third gender... It just means you're a woman but you weren't assigned female at birth... Just invest in a strap-on or something. Frankly, you kind of make trans people seem like a joke.

 

How about talking about your experiences and sharing what exactly are you striving for when choosing to transition. From what you wrote I assume you are trying to achieve a certain look that you associate with being trans. However, you seem to view transitioning towards being trans as more than just a physical journey and I am struggling to understand what your psychological journey entails. The psychological process that dmab trans women go through focuses on constructing a stable female identity and accepting that we really are women despite being treated as male by every person that we've ever met. During this psychological journey, we are extremely vulnerable and typically suffer from increasingly hard to cope with gender dysphoria as we slowly open up to the world and feel more alive. Once we start HRT things tend to change fairly drastically and the gender dysphoria becomes much more manageable. We also need to deal with the consequences of coming out to our family and commonly cope with their rejection of us. Furthermore, we are forced to face up to various fears that are associated with coming to terms with being trans such as fear of prejudice and rape. How has your journey been so far? What are you going through right now?

 

Honestly, I was confused at first until this post, but this post definitely clears it up for me. I understand now. I'm not here to discuss or share similar experiences, as I am not an afab transwoman, however I just wanted to offer assurance that I understand.

This definitely sounds rare, or at least I've personally never heard of this sort of case before, but I am glad you have found who you are and are feeling happy with your hormone treatments. I wish you luck in finding others who may be like you and who are willing to discuss.

---------- Post added 9th Dec 2015 at 01:57 AM ----------

As a side note, however, I definitely do not believe anyone here is trying to patronize or offend you. They are simply curious and trying to understand, shown by their continuing replies/questions, which means they must care, at least to some extent. Unfortunately, this is an unheard of case in the LGBT community, at least for the majority of people. So, without them seeing inside your head, try to understand it's not going to be the easiest to understand/grasp.

Thus, try your best to be and remain patient. They are trying their best, as well.

---------- Post added 9th Dec 2015 at 01:58 AM ----------

As a side note, however, I definitely do not believe anyone here is trying to patronize or offend you. They are simply curious and trying to understand, shown by their continuing replies/questions, which means they must care, at least to some extent. Unfortunately, this is a mostly if not entirely unheard of case in the LGBT community, at least for the majority of people if it has ever been reported before now.

So, without them seeing inside your head, try to understand it's not going to be the easiest to understand/grasp. Thus, try to be and remain patient. They are trying their best.

---------- Post added 9th Dec 2015 at 01:59 AM ----------

As a side note, however, I definitely do not believe anyone here is trying to patronize or offend you. They are simply curious and trying to understand, shown by their continuing replies/questions, which means they must care, at least to some extent. Unfortunately, this is a mostly if not entirely unheard of case in the LGBT community, at least for the majority of people if it has ever been reported before now.

So, without them seeing inside your head, try to understand it's not going to be the easiest to understand/grasp. Thus, try to be and remain patient. They are trying their best, I assure you.

 

"Transgender woman - People who were assigned male at birth but identify and live as a woman may use this term to describe themselves. They may shorten to trans woman." (glaad.org)

Your example of black women and white women being both women but with different experiences is a great example. You cannot identify as a different race (or at the very least, white people cannot identify as black; some non-white adoptees of white parents end up essentially identifying more as white because that's the race of their family, but that's a very different situation).

A black woman is black because she has at least one black (biological) parent. She was born black. She cannot change her blackness.

A trans woman is trans because she was assigned male at birth. She cannot change the fact that she is trans.

Their experiences are different and have been since birth because of the way they were born, whether the factor that is shaping those experiences is race or assigned sex. Their appearances are different (though some black people are white-passing and some trans people are cis-passing) because of the way they were born.

I'm sorry I didn't present it as an opinion I have heard from trans women originally. But regardless, expressing a differing opinion and questioning your logic is not "mansplaining". You cannot dismiss differing opinions just because they come from men. All I am doing is trying to get you to explain your logic more clearly, and pointing out possible issues in your use of particular terminology. If you can answer the questions clearly in ways that make logical sense, then I will have learned something new about gender identities that I never knew before and will leave this conversation more accepting and knowledgable. If you cannot answer the questions in a way that makes logical sense, then it was definitely worth questioning. A position that cannot stand up to questioning is not a very strong position to hold. You are in no means obligated to educate me or answer my questions, but do not dismiss my differing opinions as "mansplaining". I am just asking you to explain your position to me and show how it remains valid in the face of contrasting arguments.

 

Yes this is not a debate, we are all just trying to understand. The information you have shared with us still isn't very helpful for us to get it. Her are some questions that maybe can:

What makes you feel more like a trans woman than a cis woman?
Which parts of your body are you dysphoric about and how would you want them to be?
Are you looking for a more feminine body or a more masculine body?
Are you taking estrogen or testosterone?

From what you said about "wanting to have a body as beautiful as my wife's" It made me think that maybe your wife has had many surgeries (or the estrogen did really good work) and looks really good, and you are a woman who wants to have an even more feminine figure????

 

Why? Because she was miserable not transitioning. You're trans, how can you not get that? As to your definition, the definition of woman used to require being assigned female at birth. Do you not see the parallels between your own words and rose of TERFs?

I'm her wife, I know her dysphoria. Your simplification of her gender is a joke. Very becoming of a man.

 

...Mansplaining? :dry:

Also from your post it is genuinely hard to tell if you are being serious or mocking trans people, mostly because the terms you're using don't fit what you're describing. Trans woman isn't a third gender, trans women are women, that's why some are taking offence, and I think that's pretty understandable. Talking about a trans woman like they're some hybrid of man and woman just is insensitive and confusing. And here's why to a lot of people here it doesn't make sense...

Gender is in your brain, it's not your body parts. What you describe as being a trans afab woman for this reason doesn't make sense because its a contradiction. If your mind is already female, and your body is already female, there is no need to transition. What you describe as being the experience of a trans woman... Idk, having physical male features? Is something that trans women usually don't want and cause them a lot of pain. This is why these are the wrong terms to use, and can be pretty offensive.

To describe your experience (from what I can understand, which I admit isn't a lot) it sounds more likely that you are trans bigender or something like that (idk, labels make my head hurt) but hey, whatever. I'm assuming you're taking T and want a more "male" (what you might say, "trans woman's", but I'm very reluctant to use that) body and "detransitioning" as a cis person is something that just seems very odd. I think you were also implying that taking hormones gives you social dysphoria by saying "discomfort", so I just...

 

You are not really making it easier for us to understand, you didn't even answer any of my questions. So what I understood now was that you want a less feminine body, your partner is a trans woman, has a more masculine build and you want to look like that, right? Are you taking testosterone for that? a trans woman typically tries to look as passable as posible, and you would be trying the oposite. If you already are a woman and want to be a woman that is not the typical definition of transgender. Trans women's gender is woman, they are transversing their gender, ad you are not. I get that you may not like your body but that is not necessarily a gender issue. But I am nobody to tell you how you should label yourself.

 

I never said or implied that you were a transman.

And yeah, transwomen have womens bodies because gender isn't anatomy. But a lot of trans people feel discomfort not being able to pass as cis/being cis, so that's why its crazy hard to understand. Women's bodies come in all types, men's bodies come in all types, non binary bodies come in all types. I just realllly struggle with understanding how you can say that transwomen are women, but then say that you are not a cis woman, you are trans, even though you were born female bodied. Like, there's no difference between a transwoman and a cis woman except for the body they were born in, hence *trans.

 

No, I was asking questions and trying to understand. If that is what you find offensive then your world experience must of been nice thus far.

Mansplaining is the same as me calling a bitchy woman. But that isn't what I have called you because I respect that you are trying to describe and make us understand what you are going through. Being as hostile as you have been will not help us understand any farther, which is why I have been kindly asking you to be more respectful.

I understand that you are trying to say you are some form of female under the transfeminie umbrella. But I agree with the majority of under people who aren't sure if you mean binary trans female or something else. A binary trans female is usually a amab individual transitioning to woman.
A afab claiming to be a trans female usually means a non-binary gender like bi-gender or demigirl.
I do know trans women who would be offended by a afab person claiming to be trans female because they feel this person is making light of them or making fun of them.


You may of never said that you think trans is a third gender but the way you have worded things and explain things make it seem so.

Yes you have a lot of trans male people asking questions, because for us it is simply astounding that a person would go on HRT (and I'm assuming its T) to become more feminine. Most of us go on T to become more masculine. So that makes us wonder if you plan on stopping HRT at some point, having FFS at some point? What will you do about the deepening voice and muscle gain/fat redisposition? For a female, even a trans female, to take T seems like she is placing herself in position for major dysphoria. Which leaves the question of why? What kind of dysphoria are you facing now that is putting you down this path? It is curiosity driving the questions, not try to invalidate you. If we do not ask questions we do not get answers, and without answers we do not understand.

But you are acting like the teacher who says there are no stupid questions then berates the poor child who asks how you came to the answer.

 

Gengen, I really apologize if the tone of that made you uncomfortable, I really was just trying to get at the truth and how best we can continue here. I think a lot of people have a hard time understanding where you're coming from, but I'm glad that you have found a label that works for you

---------- Post added 9th Dec 2015 at 02:07 PM ----------

That said you really don't have to explain yourself if you are uncomfortable. I'll admit it's a challenge offering you anything in terms of help or support at this point. Please keep reading past this, I really hope you can find what you need here, but if not, there are a few other great trans boards online. If being here is bringing out the worst in you and isn't helping you, then... I'm just saying, you don't owe us anything.

I do hope you stay. I hope you are able to find and maybe even help or be helped by other people like you. But even more than that, I hope you find what you need.

My gender dysphoria was crippling, and dealing with it head on was the best decision I have ever made. I have had ruined relationships, sleepless nights, and years and years of misery, all of it completely unnecessary. It was not easy to get to a place where that was behind me and it cost me a lot, but it was worth it. I applaud you for trying to deal with your own dysphoria. And I'd really be honored if I could be part of you dealing with your problems. I really care about making life easier for everyone like me. I'm just feeling more like a hindrance than a help :/

One thing I have learned through all of this, is that labels aren't worth fighting and dying over. If someone really wants to call me a man, at this point, I got mine, you know? I have had an orchiectomy, I am on hormones that don't make me feel like shit, I changed my name legally. I mean I'm winning here. Their opinions don't affect my reality and amount to sour grapes.

I really had to learn the hard way to become comfortable with being misunderstood, and I feel like you will too. It sucks. But people just aren't always going to get it. They don't have to. You just give yourself everything you need to be successful in life and to do right by the people that are on your side.