Mines was in 6th grade it was summer time and the teacher lets us go outside for study hall to play a game. And this boy in my class took off his shirt and had a wife beater on and he was smoking hott and i couldn't stop starring and was turned on by it and i kinda figured something was wrong with me.
I have always looked at both girls and guys. but it took me about 3 years to realize i only ever looked at guys and found them 'good looking' and often went along with the whole crush thing, to the point of having boyfriends to fit in with my homophobic friends. But i only was ever really attracted and fantised about girls. I think my mum knew before i did, i dressed only in boys tracksuits, acted and hung around with groups of guys, i was always extremely nervous to talk to other girls. And always avoided the subject of sexuality when it was discussed among my family. At a party, an older friend of mine at the time(she was 17) came onto me and kissed me, she became really flirtatious with me. Although i knew she was only doing it for attention from the guys at the party, it was totally different for me and i knew from then i didn't want to be with guy. Although i then knew i was attracted to girls it still took me 3 years before i had the courage to kiss another girl, who then became my girlfriend
For me the hints started about 10-ish years ago, when I started realizing my sexual arousal when watching porn mainly came from guys, but I disregarded that as just a phase or something I would eventually get over, therefore never contributing that to my sexuality. The thing that finally opened my eyes for the truth, was my first crush which had a strong emotional impact on me and my view on my sexuality and it all happened about 5 months ago.
I first noticed when I was a freshman in high school. I would always fantasize about my math teacher and that made me realize that I may be different. I then began to pay more attention to cute guys I saw in public or in movies. I was still confused until I finally fooled around with another guy. It was great!
Growing up I was constantly teased about fitting what I now know are lesbian stereotypes, but I always insisted I was straight. Around the age of 11 I uh, discovered the world of internet porn...within a few minutes my interest shifted mainly to the women in it. I didn't know why. I pushed all those thoughts away and denied them, and didn't give it any more thought for a couple years. When I was 14 I was going to a very strict baptist school. As I was walking into the church one day with my best friend, I just stopped. This intense feeling came over me. The same feeling I got when I was totally obsessed with a guy. I just froze...I realized what I was feeling and immediately felt sick to my stomach. I was terrified. I pushed those feelings away for another year and then I just couldn't deny it anymore. I started noticing other things about other girls. It scared me. I knew I still liked guys so I thought I could just ignore it but I couldn't. Around 15-16 I realized I was bisexual. I think I knew around 15 but didn't accept it until around 16...I still have trouble accepting it.
Even though two out of the five crushes I'd had during my teen years were on other girls I didn't realise that they were crushes until, I realised that I was pretty much pansexual a few weeks after my eighteen birthday. I grew up in a smallish farming area where being gay basically went unacknowledged and until we moved to where I am living now just before I turned fifteen I had no idea that you could like both I just thought that there was just straight and gay people. But seeing as my first crush was on a boy I didn't think I was anything but straight so I didn't think much about the term Bi-Sexual only acknowledged that it existed. I came across the term pansexual in my reading just after I turned eighteen and as I had grown into a more mentally mature and accepting person over the last four years and I didn't know what the term meant so I looked it up. After two minutes of staring at the meaning I had found with the words this is me going though my head no stop, I looked up the term on a few different sites to get a better understanding of it and once I did realise that it was definitely me I felt relieved after all these years of subconscious confusion that I almost automatically refused to acknowledge because I never found anything that described what I was feeling. I was knowingly in the closest all of a few hours before I told my best friend who I knew would accept me and it was good to have someone to talk to about what I had been feeling all these years without even realising it. It wasn't until a few months later that I realised that the term demisexual also suited me as well. And that's how realised that I wasn't straight and realised my true feelings. As for relationships I haven't been in one yet as I haven't found the right person but I know one day I'll find someone.
It's always just something that deep-down I've known in the back of my mind. When a man and women were kissing on TV, I'd rather be kissing the guy. I imagined myself with men, not women. I just knew. I went through a stage of thinking I was attracted to girls, but it was just a lie. When I was like 12 I even admitted to myself that I was gay, but then suddenly went through a stage of 'denial', as some people call it. If only I could have come out back then, my life would have been so much better and here I am now, still hiding!
Don't remember when exactly, but I do know how I realised: When fantasizing or watching porn I realized I got aroused by men as well as women, I also realized that it was more the idea of sex that aroused me than any specific gender. After this revelation I started to pay more attention to both guys and girls around me and after while realized I did not have the same frequent attraction as my friends had to 'good looking' people. Then (after already shortly dating a girl from my class) I got a crush for a guy in the same class. This was when I really realized I wasn't straight. It took a couple of years to realize I wasn't gay either and was more attracted to people than any specific gender. I know some people don't get this, but i cannot explain it more clearly.
I do not recall a specific moment but rather I do remember slowly shifting from mainly checking out girls to checking out both genders. My first gay crush was rather recent and I still don't know whether to call it a crush because it was mainly obsessive and had little to do with emotional attachments. I was just over protective like hell...
Now that I look back on things , I was such a little lesbian. The thing that I remember the most happen when I was 6. I had a best friend that , I couldn't live with out. So one day this little boy informed me that the little girl I had my eye on was his girl friend. I never cried so much in my life. I was so broken hearted I told my mom and she informed me that two girls couldn't be together. I cried so much and was so sad my mom let me stay home from school.
I think I alway knew I was different, but when I was ten and I want to be Link and save Zelda. I told my best friend, I was weird for not like boys.
When I started liking my best friend, among other guys. And there was this guy (never actually found out his name) who would always hang out in the art room at school, and he was really cute - curly hair, chiseled jaw, nice butt, etc. We just sat there for hours on end drawing, and every now and then we would show each other our progress, and after a while I realised I had this weird attraction to him. Never did anything about it though
I hope I hadn't already posted in this one in the past but here it is anyways... It was in 8th grade PE... the locker room, yeah that's when I figured it out when I caught myself staring at the other girls changing (not in a creepy way, just glancing over). I mean I had suspected a little while before but I knew for sure by the 8th grade.
Before 7th grade or so, I never really had any sexual feelings that I can remember. (But I do remember I, out of curiosity, viewed porn a few times when I was about 9 or 10 and I would fixate on the male anatomy.) But 7th grade was the first time I remember having strictly homosexual feelings. Throughout high school, although I didn't realize it, I would become friends with guys that I would find physically attractive. Although I never really felt an emotional desire to be with guys, I know that I connected easier (emotionally) with male friends. I soon realized what was happening and I did everything I could throughout high school to "correct" or change my feelings. This was really confusing to me. I exclusively found men to be attractive and I connected easier with guys. Within the past month, I've came to terms with my homosexual feelings and am working on being comfortable with them. A major obstacle of mine is that I have trouble connecting romantically to males or females (I think this can be some kind of relationship anxiety or something like that). But yeah, recently I realized it but It's been a long time coming...
Gosh let me think...... I think I have always known subconsciously since I was very young, since I was such a tomboy. Plus when my neighbor friend and I would play house ( we are both girls) I loved to play the husband role since I got to kiss the girl but I would say the big turning point happened to me in my sophomore year of high school. My soccer coaches were a lesbian couple so one day I was out because I was injured so as I watched the game on the bench she comes up to me and straight out asks me "Sooo you got a girlfriend yet?" I just gave here the dying guppy face effect..... Than she says "oookkk what about a boyfriend?" I stuttered and flat out told her NO! Shes like "ok just wondering". It was funny thinking back how I never denied or told her flat out I'm not gay. I think with her nifty gaydar she saw something in me that I was in denial of. From that moment on it was like a fog was lifted (corny I know but true) it allowed me to understand some things about myself and why I felt absolutely nothing sexual for boys. I mean yea I am able to admire that a guy is handsome or has a nice body but what really makes my heart pitter patter is the females. It's a hard process till this day accepting myself and to become comfortable with me being a lesbian. At least I now don't deny I am a lesbian to myself. Baby steps people.
Looking back now, I can see it clear back to when I was in elementary school. But at the time, it was in 7th grade. Changing in the locker room before PE. And suddenly I caught myself staring at one of my friends. I wasn't all that concerned about it, but I just kind of thought to myself "well, this isn't normal..." I actually regressed from that point after another year of being around homophobic middle-schoolers. It wasn't until my junior year of high school that I fully came to terms with it.
Questioning orientation- I don't have crushes very often -I can think of maybe two serious ones in my entire life, and both were on guys- so I never really noticed. I also tend to be more attracted to dominant/masculine type people, regardless of their sex/gender. I think I was in grade 10 when I found myself asking "Why am I looking at her breasts?" They were beautiful breasts, BTW. Gender- eighteen years old, reaching for parts I don't have, and then going "Hang on a second..." I have those parts now, but they detach, unfortunately.