Single life in 2017

I'm in a similar place. I have identified as bi for many years and have been fine in relationships with men, even with emotional and physical satisfaction, depending on the relationship. However, now that I'm out of a long term relationship - I'm so drawn toward women. I can still find men attractive and I might be interested in playing with men, but oh! I crave a relationship - physical, emotional, intellectual - with a woman. It's almost like a - hunger, a real need. I totally get it.

And I bet you rock both looks with ease! Put yourself out there as you are and if someone doesn't like it, their loss!

 

Kudos! All good stuff.

 

Sounds like great progress.

 

Oh my dear. First of all, FUCK that therapist. Just like a fucking man to say that. I'm sorry, but that makes me absolutely livid. I hope you have a better therapist now.

2nd of all, I know how hard it must be for you. I apparently "look gay" whatever that means, but being attracted to femme women means I still have my work cut out for me. Granted, I haven't tested the waters too much yet, but I can only imagine that femme/femme relationships are even harder to find.

Divorcing, splitting custody, all that is SO SO SO hard. I'm living it too. Nobody does it on a whim. Hang in there, please!

 

Aww OED27x, I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. Have some EC hugs, not much I know.

I'm really sorry for what your therapist said, I hope you know that is utter BS. I assume you have changed therapists. It is a hard path there is no getting away from that but sometimes the hardest things bring the greatest rewards.

I'm sorry I don't have any amazing words of wisedom for you but please know we are all here for you whenever you need us. Things will get better.

 

My therapist told me that lesbians come in all forms - we just notice the women who are more obvious and don't see the women who could pass as straight.

I have recently started seeing a woman in a similar situation to myself. Both of us would pass as straight. She has worried that she is not feminine enough for me as I am basically femme in presentation. She has even used the word "butch" to describe herself, but, if anything, is a feminine tomboy...
The point is neither of us want to change our appearance to fit a stereotype. We are not unhappy with the way we dress and, since we are mothers, we don't want to draw attention to ourselves - for the sake of our children. I cannot believe that we are unique. Indeed, my therapist assured me that there are many untold stories - of women who come out after marriage and end up with women.

 

Peterpangirl is right we come in all forms and all shapes and sizes, it's just when you are walking down the street it's easier to notice the butch ones, unless they are holding another girls hand. If you want to appear more gay then you could get a piece of rainbow jewellery or something so people have more chance of picking you out of the crowd. I think dating is tough regardless of whether you are butch, femme or somewhere in between, are there any LGBT groups near you @OED27x?

 

This has to be so tough. It really would almost be easier if she had said, 'what happened between us is in the past and there can NEVER be anything like that between us again, we will only ever be friends.'

But the 'there COULD be something but I am not ready to look at it and might not ever be....' Ummm...what DOES this even mean? Does this mean I might be ready to look at this next week or I might be able to look at this when I'm 70? Or, does it mean, I can't ever look at this because it stirs up all kinds of feelings I can't/don't want to face?

IDK, the there 'COULD be something' just seems to leave a door cracked open. And that's hard! But the good thing here is that you do seem to be open to new relationships, you are not getting wrapped up with your trigger crushes stuff, or with her very vague timetable about when she can 'look at things.'

I do agree though, I'm very feminine and finding other femme lesbians is really hard! Do you remember that Seinfeld episode where the suggestion was made that everyone in the city should wear nametags so everyone would get to know each other? Haha!

But actually maybe Seinfeld was on to something... these nametags could be very helpful; and lesbians names could be written in rainbow colors. Problem solved, everyone is easily identifiable! At least then I would even know who to muster up the courage to to even approach!

Hang in there OED!

 

I am a little late to this thread so bear with me here:

I have had this thought about my partner since we met in college, and I really never understood why. It was just something I accepted even if he never gave me a reason to fully suspect it. Now, I am beginning to understand that it was just another way I hid from myself. It's a lot like how I once feared that certain clothes would make me "look gay." Seriously...

This is me too right down to one former relationship taking advantage of this trait. I am still trying to figure out why I allow myself to accept this and not assert my opinions, but again I think it all falls back on the need to accept myself first.

And finally, are you f-ing serious?! Yes, we are all trying to be in vogue. I'm glad that's why we all get on here day after day and pour our hearts out to strangers in the hopes that just venting will ease some of the pain. I am so flipping glad that we are trendy counselors helping each other work through these feelings of hurt and confusion and pain. I am so glad that we are the "hot choice" in sexuality this season. Because Lord knows that's how this works... What a jackass.

 

I had a bad day yesterday too. I'm so sorry, some days this shit is overwhelming and there are just no words, really. Except, that therapist sucks and def needs a review written in Healthgrades or something! Your trigger person needs some integrity and a willillingness to understand how she affects others. Mr husband is just being a jerk, none of this is easy, not for him or you.

Big hugs! Thinking of you!

 

Hugs for you too.

 

It is, I'm very grateful for finding this space, I've needed it.

Hugs and hopes for a better day!

 

Hey, a hairstylist is an important ally. That's a really good step!