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Struggling with myself

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Rayland, Jul 12, 2023.

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  1. Rayland

    Rayland
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    Yes. I tend to either listen music or go for long walks, what are a good ways for me to relax. Walking helps to clear my mind. Just sometimes I get very overwhelmed with myself, so I really appreciate you just talking to me. I don't have other places like this, where I talk this freely and this is the only forum I'm even using and being active in. I need to get stuff out of my system often. I do have other places, but there I'm so much harsher with venting. This forum has helped me loads with my intrusive thoughts and other mental issues. I barely get them anymore. My thoughts just were very dark. My life isn't the easiest, but so many have it even harder, though I know I shouldn't compare. I don't like housework very much, since I'm trying to take care of two story house by myself basically and do all the chores, so sometimes I just don't do them, because I get too tired.
     
    #41 Rayland, Jul 21, 2023
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  2. luminousecho

    luminousecho
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    I also found pen pal sites were really good, I got so involved writing to people every day (many want to write long messages) that I didn't have time to be depressed anymore! I was too busy thinking of other people's lives and what I was going to say in my replies to them, to get down about the past. I was living in the present, I guess.

    I really like housework, it's very therapeutic and cleanses the soul, knowing you're on top of everything. It is a double-edged sword, though, and letting it slip does quickly start to weigh on your self-esteem. I find rewarding myself with a pot of strong tea at the end of it, helps me to get on with things.
     
    #42 luminousecho, Jul 21, 2023
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  3. Rayland

    Rayland
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    I wanted to thank everyone who replied. I got some very good ideas for myself to deal with myself and it all did helped to clear my mind. I feel less overwhelmed too.

    I honestly don't know what I would do withouth the forum.

    @luminousecho if you would like, then you can PM me or if it's okay I would PM you. Otherwise this conversation gets too one sided. I feel like it's better to take it there.
     
    #43 Rayland, Jul 22, 2023
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  4. luminousecho

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    I don't actually do PMs anymore, as I found someone very close to where I live and just chat to them daily now. (We were dating for a while, but neither of us really have time to keep that going). It's nothing personal, but when I stopped PM'ing the friends I'd made on the pen pal site, it was kind of a relief, to not have to message more than one person, TBH and I don't want to start again! Private messages tend to be longer than forum ones it takes a lot of energy, I find, to send more personal messages over time. I am more than happy to chat on here, though.

    Please do, try the pen pal sites, if you're looking for PM's, you'll find someone who has time to chat to you in no time. I would never have gotten away from my darkest days if I hadn't made some great pen friends online.
     
    #44 luminousecho, Jul 22, 2023
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  5. Rayland

    Rayland
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    Don't worry about it. I fully understand. I always ask, because I know some are not okay with it. I like this forum, because there are different options for communicating, so you don't have to use PM.

    I don't really want to try the pen pal sites since I may not always reply right away and loose intrest quickly, because I get into depressive episodes, out of energy and I feel I don't have anything in common to many people, but I do have online lgbt+ friends I talk to often, so I'm not lonely thanks to them.
     
    #45 Rayland, Jul 22, 2023
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  6. luminousecho

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    Thank you for understanding. I am glad for you that you have online friends to talk to. I did find it helped me a lot when I was depressed. I suffer the same lack of energy which is why I wanted to be honest. I'm very busy with my disabled mother, and feel too drained for PMs. I think all the soul searching these last two years has effected me too. I just want to have simpler conversations on forums nowadays. Even, now, I'm finding it difficult to write as I've been busy all day!
     
    #46 luminousecho, Jul 22, 2023
  7. Rayland

    Rayland
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    You're very welcome. I understand, because I've been through it all as well and I've even experienced an heart break thanks to just doing very long emails with someone and I was friendzoned, but I'm over that now. You have no oblications to reply me at all. Taking care of your own needs is the most important, especially if you have disabled people at home to take care of too. It's really draining.
     
    #47 Rayland, Jul 22, 2023
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  8. luminousecho

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    Yes, and the hardest part is having to cope with their own depression at being disabled. It's very difficult and more draining than the physical care, I find! ... I'm sorry that you were friend-zoned after long communications with this person. Still, at least now you are more experienced than you were before, better equipped to deal with relationships in the real world as well as online. I found internet friendships and relationships helped me lots, later on, by the time I started going on dates properly.

    Anyway, I really do need to sit down and chill out properly now. It's been another long day and I need to rest.
     
    #48 luminousecho, Jul 22, 2023
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  9. mnguy

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    I'm so happy for you coming out to your sister and she's bi and supportive, this is so awesome!! You'll figure these other things out as everyone has said I agree too. You've done so much this last year you're amazing! :hugging:
     
    #49 mnguy, Jul 23, 2023
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  10. Rayland

    Rayland
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    Thank you.

    I actually changed my labels too around on my profile. Using bi label is still a little bit uncomfortable, but I decided to stck with it. I also changed my transgender label, because this is not who I am. I am just myself and just simply male identity fits me the best. Though I was a little worried about the authenticity, but I will mention it, if needed.
     
    #50 Rayland, Jul 23, 2023
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  11. mnguy

    mnguy
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    That's awesome too! :slight_smile:
     
    #51 mnguy, Jul 23, 2023
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