Your AHA! Moment

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I can remember the day I got married I thought to myself that I have to let go of the gay fantasies now, grow up etc. Of course I couldn’t do it and if anything it got worse. I had my first gay encounter about 18 months after getting married and was always thinking about it.

 

So relatable. I was also a virgin until 24. Looking back perhaps it was because I really didn’t want to have sex with women? When I got around to it I just couldn’t get hard. I got through it but I could never really enjoy sex and would be anxious in case a girl wanted to do it. I would be relieved when it was over. That can’t be good can it? I can remember thinking with a girlfriend after we had sex that now we could wait a few days so I didn’t have to worry. Ridiculous.

 

With most women who wanted to have sex with I could never get worked up enough to let it happen. It has never been a problem when having sex with men. Looking back I should have always accepted that I am gay.

 

I could have written this word for word but just swapped the genders round. It's a difficult place to be.

 

Isn't it amazing how it just keeps intensifying once you are on the road to acceptance?

 

I could have written this. Sex with women always seemed awkward and in the end unfulfilling. Just wanted it to be over and relax. Felt that I was off the hook for awhile. Never ever felt that way with another man. All I wanted was more, a lot more!

 

You said a mouth full. The desire to be with a man totally just grows exponentially once you acknowledge and embrace your homosexuality. You really can’t control the flood gates once you open them.

 

Can't control the flood gates, nor would be want to... the flood is just so powerful, much better to kneel in front of it.

 

The on rush of sexual and emotional energy that comes with embracing our homosexuality is like an oncoming train, there is no stopping it. Why would you want to if your deep desire is to be with another man. No one ever says that acknowledging your homosexuality later in life is easy however it’s better to acknowledge it and finally live it rather than live a totally unfulfilled and sad life. Finally living gay has many challenges and hurtles one must overcome but in the end you only have on life, we need to make the most of it.

 

There’s so many missed ones…

-most of my female crushes usually were gay or bi themselves.
-at 18/19 started sneaking into gay chat rooms

- in high school allowed an openly gay kid to flirt/touch/seduce me.

-realized I’d done the same to two of my friends in 8th grade they both came out gay after high school

-the time a lesbian coworker invited me to her birthday at a known gay club, I couldn’t go but sitting at home that night, my heart was pounding and felt flush with heat just thinking what it would be like to make out with a guy for the first time and the first time I said out loud at least to myself “I’m gay”

 

I think I've had a few AHA moments that made me realize I'm into women, not one single bolt of enlightenment. When I was 20, I had a crush on a singer and would daydream about her a lot, and then, after joining a local LGBT group on Facebook, I met a girl that I also developed a crush on. And recently when I was watching "Carol" and the sex scene between Carol and Therese came on, I caught myself thinking "I wish I were Therese".