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Your AHA! Moment

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Nealg, Apr 24, 2022.

  1. Gay Brett

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    Before I gave up watching porn that wasn't exclusively gay I would try and trick myself by watching some straight porn after I got off on gay porn to try and cancel it out. When I was younger the naked woman in it did not turn me on, but they didn’t effect me the way they do now. Now the sight of a naked woman can kill my interest in sex. The opposite can be said about naked man.

    Another big change I noticed was in the type of guys who turned me on. While more in denial I would only enjoy gay porn that had guys with really nice bodies, but as acceptance of my homosexuality came I began finding more and more different types of men attractive.

    If a guy can make me laugh and is kind I can get very turned on by him even if he is not in perfect shape or very handsome.

    What I love about men goes beyond their physical appearance. I get turned on now more by who they are as a person.

    As result of this when watching gay porn now I find a much wider array of body types in men to be hot. This has helped reaffirm that I’m gay. I totally get how a sweet guy can make a woman swoon even if he doesn’t look like Brad Pitt.

    I greatly enjoy this not being only a little secret gay pleasure anyone and more and am happy to read you never had much shame in it. Shame in liking beautiful men makes no sense. The shame is more men aren’t turned on the way we are.
     
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  2. Nealg

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    I can really relate to this post Brett. Very nice.
     
  3. Contented

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    I firmly believe that if more men would let their heterosexual guard down and experience male to male sexuality we would have a lot more gay men. In my opinion it’s societal pressures that prevent more men from coming out. I believe that the closeted male gay population is much larger than we think.
     
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  4. Nealg

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    I agree
     
  5. Gay Brett

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    Well I am a man who can very easily be counted in the gay population now and is very happy to have let my guard down. The number of closeted gay men is now smaller by one. My attraction to men was just much larger than pressure to conceal it.

    I can understand how some men are only interested in women the way I am only interested in men, but wish those who want to be with men instead all get that chance. Being with the sex that you desire is a wonderful thing. And knowing there are lots of other gay men living near you is great too.
     
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  6. hopefulB

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    Wow.... reading you guys talk about sneaking into the Gay section of the book store feels like I'm reading versions of myself. I did the exact same thing. Stealing glances. The heat in my cheeks and pounding in my chest. This shared gay experience really is special. Thanks for sharing everyone.
     
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  7. BiShark

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    Societal pressure is definitely a thing. Speaking from the Bi perspective it was really easy for me to hide my sexuality from myself because my attraction to women is as legitimate as my attraction to men, and that's the one that Society condones so it was easy to default to that.
     
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  8. Choirboy

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    I remember reading gay fiction at Walden Books by an author named Gordon Merrick without a second thought. But my mom was very anti (straight) porn, so once I was reading a book by a woman about how to please a man, and fully imagining MYSELF doing those things TO another man, and got scolded by a clerk. I was mortified, and the clerk certainly thought something very different was going through my head!

    I will admit to a bit of awkwardness in referring to myself as gay, even though everyone knows about my partner because I chatter about him constantly and clearly adore him, and he is by my side at family and social gatherings without any question whatsoever about our relationship. But the word "gay" conjures up to mind a lot of stereotypes that I don't fit into whatsoever, and I often wish there was a less rubber-stamp word than "gay" and a less clinical one than "homosexual". I'm not interested in having people make assumptions about my religion, politics, level of monogamy, commitment to my partner or kids, or feelings about any polarized issue of the day because gays are assumed to be one thing or another. Being gay to me means that I'm attracted to men, physically and emotionally. Period. If sexuality is spectrum of some kind--and it almost seems like more like a 3D range of dimensions of emotion and attraction--trying to label people as gay or bi or whatever seems like a task that will always be inaccurate to a degree, and will scare people away who don't want to be pigeonholed as a result of their orientation.

    If you're a guy who is basically into women but like to mess around with a buddy now and then because it's different and fun and feels good, what are you? Are you really closeted and gay because you get turned on physically by dicks without feeling any urge for a relationship of any kind with a guy? I almost feel as though the labels really DO scare people off, because it almost makes them feel as though they don't have the freedom to figure out what works for them and live it, because they have to be gay, straight or bi, and there is no nuance.

    I'd love it it my daughters or future grandkids would feel as though they had the option to date boys, girls or both, because they may well find a person whose identity as a whole makes them happy, regardless of what sex they're into. Our orientation is a big part of our lives, but attraction and emotion and sexuality don't always coverage in the same way, and they're not required to.
     
    #88 Choirboy, May 13, 2022
    Last edited: May 13, 2022
  9. Joolz66

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    Looking back there were so many aHa moments that I couldn't see at the time but are blindingly obvious to me now with a different set of eyes.
     
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  10. Nealg

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    Of course..right?!??!!!
     
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  11. Joolz66

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    When you're going through something like that in you early 20s and the world was a lot different to what its now, it was a survival mechanism to be in denial..
     
  12. Nealg

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    Yup
     
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  13. eron

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    I started writing down the moments, as I recall them, from my teen years to present. And, while I’m not overly surprised, it is eye-opening to see how many of them there were and its kind of exciting as well.
     
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  14. eron

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    As I’ve accepted my homosexuality, I find that I’m less turned on by gay porn actors, and more sexually interested in “real” men who I have the possibility of meeting.
     
  15. Joolz66

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    yes, I agree, and I know what you mean by "exciting", same for me because it reinforces the realisation that im gay and was back then too.
     
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  16. BiShark

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    Yep, i 'd guess this isn't unusual, it's certainly true for me, too, and some of them seem so obvious in retrospect that I think I must have been working pretty hard to not get it.

    One big change I've noticed since getting past that is I'm more likely to just notice attractive men around me, in the same way I always have (and still do) with attractive women. That was always there but with the blinders off it just comes to the surface more naturally.

    One thing I like about being Bi is there's just more interesting people to look at.
     
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  17. Ipswichfan

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    Same here! I’ve never been attracted to scrawny teens. And tattoos are a turn-off. (Maybe it’s a sign I have OCD. My reaction is “What’s that doing there?!” and I lose focus.). At least people who have lots of them. Photos on a website where I try to meet men (if I’m allowed to say, bisexualplayground) turn me on much more.
     
  18. Engdood1

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    This reminded me of when I first bought a dildo from a sex shop. I didn’t use Amazon at the time and I remember trying to pay as quickly as possible because I was embarrassed. Like you say I was shaking when I got home with it, I was so excited. I ended up buying many toys from that store. I’m still not out but beginning to get used to admitting it to myself that I’m probably gay.
     
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  19. eron

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    I remember that feeling :slight_smile:. I convinced myself that I was buying a dildo for a girlfriend, but, of course, I knew otherwise.
     
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  20. Joolz66

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    Its amazing how we fool ourselves when we're in denial
     
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