Would You Date An Asexual?

That's why I posted that and now I've been thinking about it a bit more, too, and don't know what to say really.

In such a hugely sexual world(obviously; sex has one of the biggest presences of anything), it just makes you wonder...it's one thing to have a pool as small as it is, finding someone who isn't interested in it either seems damn near impossible.

That's where the thought of the whole open relationship comes into play...but I can't shake the fact that it is something that I definitely would not want, due to the reasons/feelings I mentioned before.

I'm at a loss here.

 

OK, I think I see what you mean. When I was 13-15, I dated a girl, and we had sex quite often, but I always thought of her brother when we did. So I was still gay, but able to have sex with a female.

Now, my question in this case, is that if the attraction is not to a person, then what kinds of things is it for? Could it be things like big plushie animals, of maybe certain fetishes? Or other objects? Or is it something more abstract, as in concepts, nature, the spiritual, certain scents, colors, art? I'm still confused as to where the sexual attraction is directed. Or does is just exist in a kind of void, not attached to anything? And, if so, then is masturbation the preferred method?

 

None of the above. It's the absence of it.

Masturbation depends on the person, some will some won't. It's generally for the manual pleasure one gets from it, though, not in thinking about naked bodies and whatnot.

 

There's no sexual attraction. At all. Not unlike how you're not directing your attraction towards women anywhere. It just isn't there. Sexual attraction and libido aren't the same thing.

I think where asexuals like to find sexual pleasure is a really individual thing. Masturbation probably wins, and many find the idea of sex icky, but others are alright with it. Some don't do anything.

 

OK, I think I get the lack of attraction part.

But then...when you say it's a 'really individual thing' in where they 'find' pleasure, what would some examples be? I'm still pretty confused, here, about trying to picture some actual examples, in detail.

Also, can it also be that some asexuals later come to find that guilt, societal taboos, or other experiences, traumatic or otherwise, have been occluding, limiting or blocking their sexual expression? I'm not saying this has to be the case, but it would seem that in some cases of sexual aversion, it would be likely, given all the taboos and prohibitions we have surrounding sex.

One last edit: So, could it almost be described more in terms of aversions, or sets of circumstances in which a person would be unable to experience sexual pleasure? A kind of 'inverse' sexual orientation?

 

Well, in my case I thought I may be asexual, but I've realized since I was heavily repressing same sex attractions. It's possible some people who consider themselves asexual are repressing their feelings due to unwanted attractions, or unusual sexual preferences, but I doubt that's the case for all asexual people. Also consider how many people *try* to repress their sexuality for one reason or another (homophobia, religion, trauma, and so on) and find themselves unable to do so.

 

I was the same way. I thought I was pretty much asexual but then I started to realize I was repressing my attraction.

 

I agree with this. I also don't think actual asexuals are repressing anything, however, I DO believe that normal sexuals who are repressed may "mislabel" themselves as asexual due to confusion. But that's not what true asexuality is. Many asexuals are sex-positive.

I mean to properly understand you'd have to re-ask yourself 'Is it possible that lesbians are repressing their true desires for men because of bad experiences with them?' And I don't ask that to be defensive or anything, I'm asking it because many many people literally think and ask this question because heteronormativity is so deep in our culture. It takes a lot of understanding and surprise to some people that many lesbians were not raped or abused at all; we just like women. So for the same reasons, many asexuals just naturally have no sexual attraction.

 

Thanks for posting, and makes sense. I can definitely see now that there's quite a variety of ways this might be expressed. Goes to show human sexuality is a very complex thing...I have often pondered that our sexual preferences are probably much more specific that just 'gay' or 'bi' or 'pan' what not, but for the sake of brevity and identification, people tend towards certain terms.

 

I'm not sure :/. Probably not.

 

Sure.

 

It may be because I've never had it, but I'm perfectly content with no sex in a relationship.

 

I voted no, but really, I probably would if he were the right person.

 

I don't want to offend anyone but for me, even though I've had some bad experiences in the past, sex is kind of important to me. And I'd want someone who was either mutually interested or would be okay with me masturbating.

The last girl I ever tried to date (before I switched focus to men) was basically a panromantic asexual. She wasn't comfortable with sex. She had a history of molestation. And I remember I just felt really really shitty and awkward for even thinking about having an honest discussion about it. She was a very nice person and I hope she eventually finds someone right for her. But it didn't feel like a mutual relationship and for me, it's important that both my partner and I are on the same page when it comes to that.

 

i would maybe like to have sex, one day, perhaps. if i dont enjoy it then sure

 

Sex has really never been a large part of my life. I can go for it, and I can go without, it does not matter, it HAS to feel right, and be with someone that feelings go WAY deeper than just meeting could ever warrant.

 

I already gave the examples of where an asexual might find sexual pleasure, the same as everyone else, masturbation and sex. And it's up to the individual which of those, if any, they feel comfortable with. Many asexuals don't want to have sex, others do.

It's possible for someone to repress their sexuality, and think themselves asexual, and it does happen. Obviously it isn't the case for most people.

No, not in the slightest. As has been said, one can experience sexual pleasure without attraction to the person you're having sex with. It's best described in the same terms as other orientations: asexuality is no attraction, homosexuality attraction to one gender, and so on. It's really and truly as simple as not being sexually attracted to people. No fetishes, no childhood trauma, no repression, and no aversions.

 

Honestly, it depends on a few things. I wouldn't want to say it would be impossible.

 

^this. I don't know if I'd date anyone at this age though, probably wait until I'm older.

 

I don't want to say no, but sex is really important to me. It's hard to say. I'd like to hope that an open relationship could work...