1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What made you realize your gay /bi

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Jayo, Aug 17, 2023.

  1. BeetheBusyBee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2023
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I had a crush on a male classmate back in Middle School, when I still thought I was cis. However, the homophobia of my classmates conditioned me into thinking that being gay was something to be ashamed of, so I ignored those feelings.
     
  2. Sammy1995

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2023
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    138
    Location:
    Plymouth
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Seeing erect penis stalactites on that one South Park episode and being like 'oh wow they're actually kinda hot when not attached to a guy' Homophobic jokes as a kid messed me up too, the worst part is having to pretend you find it disgusting really instils a sense of shame in you for your sexuality.
     
    #62 Sammy1995, Dec 20, 2023
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2023
  3. tearingtherose

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2023
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    Birmingham, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    There is much evidence and denial throughout my life, but there is a moment I realised and accepted once and for all. I recently created two hookup profiles, one straight and one gay. I got talking to a friendly and pretty girl but when she sent me topless photos I realised I didn't enjoy seeing them and I really didn't want to see anything further below. Men it is!
     
  4. JT1999

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2015
    Messages:
    476
    Likes Received:
    279
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    That's a pretty clear sign!
     
  5. boopular

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2023
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    2 years ago when i was 12. what i thought were crushes on girls were really just me lying to make myself feel normal. I told myself and other people i was bi with a preference for men so i could feel the slightest bit better about myself. Then in 8th grade, I looked in the mirror, pointed at myself, said gay in the most nonchalant voice and moved on with my life. Now I'm im in 9th grade (freshman year) and actually finding a possible relationship with another gay person. Moral of the story, men are hot :astonished:
     
  6. BlueLion

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2015
    Messages:
    329
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Spain
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The fact that I found out that I was attracted to men as a teenager.
     
  7. Steff

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2024
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    For me i can remember when I was about 10 I was standing in my sisters bedroom looking in the mirror and the reflection back was a girl in a dress, black patent shoes and tights. I have always had the feeling I was a girl, and as young as I was I knew I was attracted to boys. My family very outspoken against gays and queers and sissy’s as they called people who where different. It was scary as I knew I was one of ‘those’. So when everyone was out I dressed in my sisters clothes and thought of boys. Eventually this became difficult and I brushed it aside thinking it was just a passing thing. It really wasn’t and has taken me many years to finally be true to myself and say out loud ‘I’m Gay’ and be happy and not feel ashamed.
    I have really loved reading others stories, I really like EC.
     
  8. OldQueer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2024
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I grew up in the UK, and before I went to secondary (high) school, my mum arranged with me to go help a neighbour over the summer holidays. He was a nice old guy and blind, and he wanted someone to help tidy up some rooms and throw some old stuff out. He had a stash of old porno mags in one room, full of older men and younger, with the young guys dressed as girls. I stole a few of them and went through every page wishing I was one of the boys in lingerie. I didn't realize it was all deliberate and I was being groomed, but I'm not sure it would have stopped what happened next. He "caught me" going through his magazines, and I ended up sitting on his lap that afternoon describing the pictures and reading to him. Of course, the inevitable happened from there and I've loved older men ever since. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it was when I knew for sure that I was queer.
     
  9. QueerTransEnby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    3,708
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    When I had a crush on my classmate at 11. I couldn’t get my mind off of him. Then, a friend more or less laid on top of me at 12 as a dare at my birthday party. I definitely felt things. Developed other crushes on guys as someone assigned male at birth. Now, I have newly “discovered” myself as non binary and so every relationship is queer. Haha.
     
    #69 QueerTransEnby, Jan 21, 2024
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2024
  10. Deadman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2024
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Good for you man! Wish I had your courage when I was your age!
     
  11. Deadman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2024
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    When I was 6. I had a cousin that was 11 or 12. He liked to play doctor with me, and I loved playing with him! Didn't know what it was yet, but I knew that I liked it. Only took me 35 years to admit it! Lol
     
  12. Alentt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2024
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Peru
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Maybe it's too late to tell my story, but here it goes, when I was a child I already took it for granted that I liked boys, because it was usual, now that several years have passed, I realize that I also liked girls .

    On several occasions I would get jealous because a classmate spent time with a girl I liked, obviously I didn't say it, I thought it was normal and that all girls felt that way. Already in pre-adolescence, and when I discovered the +18 content on the internet, I discovered that girls turned me on a lot, I didn't understand anything, because in my childhood they had always been boys, but I had discovered that unconsciously they were girls too, then I did a lot of research, I went through the process of denial where I faithfully believed I was straight, also through the process of confusion, where I believed I was transsexual or pansexual.

    Currently I'm not too worried about this, I accept that I'm simply bisexual, and it's normal and okay, I don't have any complexes, and I'm lucky that the people around me are open-minded, thanks for reading!
     
  13. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    4,119
    Likes Received:
    2,306
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Alentt…..I usually catch people when they make their first post in the "Welcome Lounge" but I missed you there, so I'll catch back up to you here! :old_rolleyes:
    …..Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! :old_wink: ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community.

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. :old_cool:

    *****In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you.

    Some info on how to navigate EC: :old_confused:

    When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_big_grin: If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message.

    …..David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  14. shon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2024
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I've always had a funny little suspicion that I'm gay, even as a kid when I would have denied it the most.

    I had crushes on girls but it never went beyond anything platonic, I just liked the idea of having a close companion. I never thought about sex with women, even in high school. Surprisingly I never really had any crushes on guys. When I started masturbating, I quickly realised that I liked putting things up my butt. That's not gay in itself but I grew more and more adventurous as I got older.

    It all came to a head when I was 18 and just started university. All those gay thoughts I'd purged from my mind and continued to deny myself had all bottled up. I couldn't handle it anymore so I decided to be honest with myself and let it all out. I was still in denial and my thoughts were a mess, but somewhere deep inside I knew I was probably going to turn out gay. I was very confused throughout my time at university.

    University was also when I first realised that I probably had some mental health issues going on. When I'm in a rut, I turn inwards on myself and in doing so usually find something out about myself. I started talking to other guys online and enjoyed it, but never acted upon it. Despite my crushes still being predominantly female, I never really spoke to women online in a sexual manner and when I did I didn't really enjoy it.

    I had another dip when I left university while I tried to find a job. By this point my thoughts were a little more collected and I'd talked to a few people online about it, though I still wasn't entirely convinced that I was gay, though I had used the label to describe myself a few times, swaying between that, bisexual, pansexual and even straight at one point. I felt like a different sexuality every week but I mostly attribute that to not fully understanding myself or sexuality.

    It was after the pandemic when I had my gay epiphany. I've been working from home since 2020 and my social life and skills were pretty much torpedoed. Everyone else when back to work and I was left stuck in the house thinking about anything and everything. I don't know what it was, I don't think it was sudden, but I remember sitting there one day and finally admitting to myself that I'm gay.

    It made the most sense to me and it felt right to refer to myself as that, even though I still have the odd doubt to myself. It's one thing I feel much better about myself and ultimately it feels a lot more healthier. It was like a massive amount of unbearable weight just lifted from my shoulders and since beginning to question my sexuality there was clarity to my thoughts.

    So yeh, I'm gay.
     
  15. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,937
    Likes Received:
    522
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I love reading everyone's different story's
     
  16. Steff

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2024
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yes i
    ts great isn’t it, everyone chatting and talking about their stories, a lovely little community, full of gay folks that make you feel so welcome
     
  17. Purple Yoda

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2022
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    New York, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It has been a long and painful process to accept that I am queer. Or bi. Or asexual. Or whatever it is that I am.
    But... thinking back... ALL the way back to Kindergarten... there was this boy in my class that I think that I had a crush on. It wasn't something that registered as a 5 y.o. but I distinctly remember liking the way he filled out his polo shirts and I remember getting upset when he got a bad haircut. That's burned into my core memories. A burly boy in a white polo shirt with curly brown hair. Then when I was older I remember the year that wherever I went, all I could see were the bulges on men in the bluejeans. I remember how distressing that was and me not understanding why my eyes kept drifting THERE. And then there was the handsome jock in 7th grade that I couldn't keep my eyes off. The day that he flexed his biceps in gym class for a girl is the day I should have realized that I was gay.
    But I didn't. That Catholicism kept me tethered to "virtuosity" and I convinced myself that it was a severe case of appreciation instead of lust. Appreciation because I always hated myself physically; short, scrawny, nerdy, brown-skinned, and somewhat effeminate. The vacuum cleaner salesman who told my parents that I - their "daughter" - would find the appliance easy to use REALLY made me feel atrocious about myself.
    When I peaked in my 20's and landed a girlfriend/fiance/wife/ex-wife I thought that my "phase" was behind me. Except for the boss's personal trainer who stirred those feelings every time he came to the office. I once snuck into an empty office just to be able to admire him from the window as he walked up the sidewalk.

    Sorry for the long rant... but it's been quite the journey. So convoluted in fact, that I still can't figure myself out.
     
  18. Erika81

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2024
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Foerde
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey, good people.

    My story is a little dark but ends well.
    I grew up in a violent home full of emtional abuse. In my environment there was an astonishing bully culture. I wasn't bullied except for two of the school years, but many suffered. Homophobia was rife, even among teachers and adults. Racism too. It was a rural place in Norway in the 80's.
    I had to unravel so much trauma to get it better today, but as I advanced through therapy my queerness really connected stronger and stronger along side it. I always played sexually with all genders. From at least 10 years of age. And I always enjoyed sharing girlfriends with my friends. So polyamorous and polysexual pansexuality is later the terms I discovered. But then as feelings was discovered from the deeper, I have realized I am trans ftm. But only a year ago. Puh, what a joyrney.
    But it was pretty clear I was into both genders as all my journeys I ended up being given offers and becoming flushing red but unable to act. I had one male lover for some years, but I was so i denial of my emotions that I was never able to perform sexually with him. Despite many naked fun attempts.
    Now, I wonder if I have taken too long to discover the trans part and would not look good as a woman. But Susie Izzard is my idol in this. She is the quintessential action transvestite and I will find my style and do as her. Rock on people, and love so free you feel like you are flying!