What made you realize your gay /bi

I always knew I liked boys instead of girls. As a child I even wanted to become a girl so I could be with a boy. One day my mom was explaining how my Uncle Kevin and his “special friend” Uncle Larry were gay and in love. I was probably 10/11 when she explained this. But then I knew. That was what I was. That was what I wanted.

After that puberty hit and I was perfectly content being a male, since I knew being with guys was an option now. Lol

 

For me, it's always been the power of attraction to other guys. I first became aware of it at school, but tried to shove to one side as homophobic bullying was rife. As I approached my 20's I could no longer do that. My mind was being consumed by thoughts about my sexual orientation, and, to be honest, I was as horny as hell.

Although I can see what straight/bi men see in the opposite sex (I'm gay, not blind) I have never had any inclination to even try a relationship with a woman. The vibes are just not there. It's always been other men for me... emotionally, sexually and romantically.

 

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

 

As a kid, my interest in body "affairs" was focused only in male body. Yes, it could be natural interest as a child... but it developed to special attention as I was growing as a teenager. And it turned to be sexual attraction. I denied it at the beginning (as usual... "I want to be with girls but I feel excited to boys"), but gradually I accepted it.

Maybe "Queer As Folk" was the turning point. It was so wild, so new... it showed me a fictional world where homosexuality was normal. Back in 2006, when that series arrived to Spanish TV, I hadn't watched anything like that before. And since then, all made sense (all the cartoons that I liked just because of their male main characters, all the latin singers that I couldn't stop watching beause they were sensually dancing without a shirt...).

 

Lately, when I was 17... Then most of my doubts faded away!

 

Never! In fact, I was never interested in girls... except when I thought as a child that I had to. "I feel ashamed talking to girls when I'm alone" and that stuf, but at the same time my best friends back then were all girls, as I was afraid of boys and we couldn't understand each other.

 

I see this too but unfortunately I equated and rationalized that meant that I had some hope of being sexually attracted to women as well.

But then I just finally accepted this. It was hard to give up on the dream.

Denial and repression made me write off obvious signs but there were some key moments like a girlfriend giving me a blow job and I realized I wanted to do what she was doing. I looked up some online 'how to guides' and I got more aroused than I ever did with sex with a woman, just thinking about giving one.

Finally going to the mirror, nervous, shaking and just looking myself in the eye and saying "I am gay".

 

I knew at 13/14 middle school I liked both boys and girls and never got to ask out guys I liked because I wasnt out and not sure if any guys were gay or bi

 

Its the best of both worlds but it doesn't make life easy sometimes.

 

It's always been there for me, but I've been so far back in the closet thanks to bigoted family members that I was finding stuff from Yule in the year 1200.

I realized it recently, after I clued in how bigoted a certain person who is ultra close to me really was. They had a friend who was a racist, sexist, bigoted jerk, and even though this person died a few years ago, this person I'm close to was still acting like they were trying to impress the jerk. They had a lot of nasty and disgusting sayings/codes for certain people in the LGBT+ community, a lot of racist sayings/codes they used, and more. I couldn't go out without the person I'm close to making a HUGE a$$ of themselves in public by yelling something snarky if they saw someone they knew was gay, lesbian, non binary, non Caucasian and more. No matter what I said to this person about their behavior, they laughed in my face, and told me it was all in fun, they "really didn't think that way".

Um, yeah, right.... /sarcasm

Then I saw a meme on a social media site about bigoted people being together in a group, and that's when it hit me.

It was like a trillion light bulbs lit at once, and that's when I clued in they were not just insulting the entire LGBT+ community including my kid, they were insulting *me*. I was fed up with their behavior. Let's just say after I came out to them, they realized how awful they had been and how they had become this jerk in all but name and were still trying to impress the dingbat, even years after they had died.

I told them if they wanted to keep me in their life, they'd better clue in, smarten up and more. So far, so good.

I have never been with a woman, although I'd like to, but I won't do that to my husband even if he's on board with it. Some people polyamory and more which is fine, that's them, but I'm a monogamous person. If I'm with someone, I'm with them and them only. No one else, not even for a one night stand with Hubby there for it - watching us. That's me though. Another person may feel like experimenting with someone else, and that's their business.

 

When I was in my early teens I knew I didn’t like guys and never actually considered that I could be a lesbian, I was planning to just remain celibate for life. When I was 15 a retreat team came to our school and I had my biggest crush ever on one of the female members and even dreamed about her. I figured out that what I thought was admiration over the years had actually been crushes. Once I thought to myself I’m a lesbian it just fit. I think I had my first crush on a girl before I turned 10. I never really crushed on a guy. I had minor crushes on fictional guys as a kid but it didn’t take long to figure out I’d take Hermione over Harry any day.