What are you thinking?

Was incredibly sick yesterday, feeling better today. Waiting for a trial queue to pop in Neverwinter. Hope I know and can do this one and to be back to normal tomorrow.

 

I hate vague feelings like that, when you want to address it but you can't figure out why exactly you're feeling the way you are and what to do about it.

 

Is it rude to not spend time with my sister when she comes to visit. I love her but she’s an effervescent extrovert and she’s loud. I’m the introvert who prefers quiet and the company of fictional characters to real people. I don’t need to spend a lot of time around her, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

 

I really wish I had more female friends. I feel like I'm missing out somehow.

 

I’ve been focused the last couple of days on why I pushed the Bi-me away for so long. Very frustrating to be here in my 70’s thinking about the wasted years and what I’ve missed in terms of simply being the authentic me. I’ve tried so hard to say, “It’s okay. Everything happens at the right time.” Lot of tension around that.

 

You're living in a different time now, so don't judge your former self by today's standards. There was more intolerance then and it wasn't as easy to connect with supportive people. Try not to regret (which I know is easier said than done) but to live authentically now.

 

Went hiking .. got lost.. took me 3 hours and a extra 5 miles to get out.. fun and games.

 

How can I make my life interesting?

 

I'm completely fucked.

 

On the verge of getting a new, 2000 item level a piece weapon set from the campaign I'm working on in Neverwinter. I'll more than likely get it next week after finishing the campaign task tomorrow and it should make doing my role as a DPS character. +200 minimum damage and the slight boost in the stats from both having the weapons equipped and the boost in item level. I also need just one more Mythic quality companion for maximum companion contribution to my item level and stats, and the Blaspheme Assassin from the current lockbox should it drop while opening my daily box or get it as the reward for opening 50 of them will do just that.

 

Listening to my sisters rendition of her most recent holiday seemed to involve her and her boyfriend drinking and getting drunk almost every day. I’m wondering where can I go on holiday where I won’t need to drink to enjoy myself. I don’t drink but in the past I’ve had a few in order to enjoy myself. Then again my sister is a outgoing extrovert and I’m the introvert who would rather read than be around a lot of people.

 

I’m thinking about how my cramps are just bothersome enough to be annoying but not painful enough for me to feel justified in complaining as much as I’d like to. Also about how I need to dust the top of my bookshelf tomorrow but even getting out of bed seems like too much of an effort right now.

 

Yupppppp. I feel like it's so hard to make same gendered friends as a queer person.

 

I find it really hard to make friends I can actually see or who are consistent. But then I know I'm not very consistent either. So I guess that's something I'm trying to work on

 

Same.

 

Is there anything missing in your life currently?

 

Same.

 

I do too, but sometimes straight guys say some really stupid stuff about the lgbt community sometimes unintentionally, but it can be hard to look past it. Sometimes I have a hard time making friends with gay guys though too. Some of them are very judgmental and shallow while other times one of us is in love with the other but not mutually so it gets complicated.