What Are You Thinking?

This feels like a strange night. For the past couple hours, I was having really rapid, extreme mood swings. Now, I don't feel much of anything. I'm just looking at myself on webcam, and I don't know, I look weird. It's like... who the hell is this person? It doesn't seem like me, for some reason. :confused2:

 

Damn it Cameron, stop letting your mind get ahead of itself! You haven't even met him in person yet O.O

 

Replace "Cameron" with "Timo", and "haven't met him" with "met him only once", and you have my current state of mind.

 

Tomorrow I write german exam. Isn't going to be easy. I think I'll fail.

 

Cute guys EVERYWHERE

 

i feel sad, lazy, and not in the mood to be bothered. i have to call two people concerning important things but i might have to put that on hold today since i feel lousy.

 

What happened to him? That's rather sad.

I'm having a presentation in the morning and I'm freaking out. I did splendidly in the bathroom but now I'm terrible. +_+ And I can't sleep. Oh gosh.

 

My best friend just started college today, and she's already so depressed. She's not exactly an extrovert and doesn't have many friends, and this sudden change of environment is not good for her. I don't know how I can help her, she's so far away...

 

That I have been trying to run away for so long that i have actually just ended up back at the beginning...

Full circle..

To truly live I have to break the circle...

 

Is it bad that I feel the people I've known for about 9 months or less on the internet are better friends than the people I've known since I was 11 in real life?

I posted something mildly depressing this morning on a blog and 3 of my internet friends (people I've never met) replied; two asked me if I was okay and one sent me a 'virtual hug'. If I'd posted the same thing on facebook I'd have got zilch. It kinda made my day, I was walking around all day like 'Fuck you, anxiety, there are people who actually care if I'm sad!'

 

Gosh I love Mountain Dew.

 

Wow, exercise is effective.

My depression came roaring back yesterday, and it just got worse today. By 6 o'clock I was heading to a seriously bad place, worse than I've been in several weeks, if not months.

Then I did 15 minutes of yoga. I went from, "I wish I could curl up in a corner somewhere and disappear" to "Maybe life isn't so bad after all." In 15 minutes. What the heck, brain? You know what, I won't question it. It worked; that's all I can ask for at this point.

I will have to try to reschedule the meeting with my professor on Friday. I feel kinda whiny and, well, not-geeky by rescheduling something to do with physics to go to yoga, but I think my mental health needs it.

 

By the time I make up my mind about whether or not to go outside, it'll be too late.

 

I'm feeling really sad today and I don't know why.

 

gays can be tiring -_-

 

So I just read Emerson's Self-Reliance and am currently wondering whether I got it or not and if so, do I agree with it completely? [Of course, in keeping with it, maybe I shouldn't (Haha.)]

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I couldn't say whether it's a bad thing, but probably not that uncommon. There are at least two people I've only known online who I actually consider the closest friends I've ever had. I'm sure it's tough for many others to really allow themselves to be close to others in real life, there seems to always an inherent vulnerability in doing so.

In any case, regardless of what happened to make you feel depressed, hopefully you're feeling better now.

 

After working on this application for a week or so I finally forced myself to turn it in! Ah, I'm all types of nervous! This position would be oh so perfect if I get it! It would take everything that I have learnt so far and use it for things that I have been wanting to do for a while.

Now I just have to wait...which is the hardest part xD

 

My mediation always makes me feel kind of blah, and adding to it I just ate to much. I might need to throw up

 

I'm such a worthless/selfish/helpless romantic.