Totally Lost

Heh, thanks for allowing my creeper methods, which incidentally did help. And I fortunately took environmental chem, which was much more manageable than organic, which is the devil, especially when it comes to research. Blech.

And etc., I won't quote the whole thing to save some space...

Well, consider that at 2000 people how many folk you might be helping (or someone is just really, REALLY interested and keeps hitting refresh)! I know I, for one, really appreciated it because I was feeling particularly garbage-y this weekend. I found it a little harder to find someone roughly at my age that I could relate with in terms of situation, and it's really heartening to know I'm not the only one out there in these circumstances. I mean, know that 3 months isn't 8 years, but I don't want to get to that point, either. It's not worth it, as you already know. And your rant is not at all preachy, and basically I've been trying to tell myself the same thing since November. I'm noticing that I'm sliding more towards being chronically miserable and really need the kick in the ass to get a move on.

YES. The "not taking" thing... I'm really glad to hear you get that. It doesn't matter how ridiculous I know it is, I still worry about the no-take-backsies (which, believe it or not, was a phrase that was going through my head as I was contemplating my wording last night). I guess it's one of those cases that if one takes 10- or 15-odd years to come out to oneself, it's hard to trust that judgement. Weird that I still wish the evidence was more obvious (as though the internet history wasn't enough).

But anyway, the door for tomorrow is at least nudged open. I'm not the type to generally ask to get together and talk, and we'd been talking earlier about some of my work stresses and whatnot, so the expectation is there that I have something to say. Every other time I've considered that conversation, it's been under the context of "let's watch a movie!" or "we should have brunch!" and it's way too easy to just sit there uncomfortably waiting for an appropriate opener. Hopefully I won't back down; it totally helps to have someone out there rooting for me even if I haven't met him and he lives most of the way across the country! I'm at least feeling the most certain that something will be accomplished at this point, which is a start. Still feeling nervous as hell, but it probably is to be expected. Hopefully I'll have something to report tomorrow night.

Thanks again for letting me crash the party guys! I'll keep you posted.

 

I figured I'd say something sympathetic since everyone north of Here is freezzzzzing! Hope you had a good day and are not turning into a human icicle. I sent an inquiry about the membership, and was advised it takes about three weeks. Bummer!

 

That was very cool of him to say that, and since it was a text, it wasn't awkward! You are officially open for business, then.

 

Okay, your brother is being super-cool, someday you have to remember this phone call and make it up to him. Leave it to the youngest in the family to act the classiest.

That thing he said about your father... that had to be somewhat of a shocker for you. I'm sure you are thinking "Dammit! He had to go and do a nice thing! Now he is only 99.5% evil!" LOL! Things like that become more significant in the long run, you'll see. But I totally get what you mean; I also had a very strange non-relationship with my father.

 

A last quick interruption - as I posted elsewhere, I actually followed through, and it went super well, so many thanks for the encouragement! Other than some lingering adrenalin, I haven't felt this relaxed in ages.

Cheers.

 

What's crackalackin' old chum? Hope you had a great day. Here we went from 81F to 40F in less than 24 hours, no wonder everyone is sick! I can't tell you how forward I look to come here and post something every afternoon, it is very weird, actually. Now I understand why I see so many references to "addicted to EC" around.

How awesome is it that you actually motivated someone else to come out? That's pretty kewl! A very unexpected side effect, I guess!

 

Ok Freud... Maybe it IS possible for you to change careers late in life. Just get one of those lounge chaises and start helping people out with their closet issues, soon enough you'll be the Master Yoda of this stuff, why not put it to good use? :icon_wink

It's alright to distance yourself when things get tense... It's better than getting caught in a heated moment when things could be said that cannot be taken back. Maybe when things calm down a bit you could try to 'arbitrate' or serve as the middle man. Ugh, that kind of drama sucks!

 

Hi there! I hope everything is okay.

 

Good to know everything is well. So that party finally happened, huh? Better late than never! I used to go on real vacations, but not so much anymore; it's been ages. My last vacation was to Hawaii many years ago, and that kind of ruined it for me because everything else lacks in comparison now, haha! I do dream of a cruise to Alaska, though. I want to see the Northern Lights one day, and I hope to do it sometime in the next two years.

You would definitely have a blast if you go for a few days to a big city (reminds me of that old song 'Downtown') sometime in the Spring. What about a long term goal? Save some money and come to hellish Florida in the Fall. WARNING: You'll need a vacation afterwards :icon_wink

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but don't get too hung up on people's conversation about their awesome lives. I bet they don't mention the pressure of the house payments, or cleaning the dog's poop, or how the kids did not stop screaming the entire vacation. They also feel envious at times of the single, successful guy who does not have all those other things to worry about. It goes both ways.

 

I am glad your brother was very understanding and supportive.

Do you have anyone else on your list yet to tell your news to?

I came out to a few people this week including my parents and everyone was very nice about it. I suppose I am in a similar situation as you where close family and friends know, but no one else.

Toronto and Montreal are very cold for a vacation, but actually they are probably a lot more fun than sat on a beach getting sweaty.

 

Hello Lost

I read the first few posts you made and how you feel that you have wasted time. I am on the fringe of my 30th birthday and in a way I am panicked about all the lost time that is behind me.

It took a huge about of courage and guts to come out to the few people I have told but I am now working on building my courage for the ultimate. To tell my folks. They are very conservative so its not a thing I am going to drop whilst having tea with them.

But this is what I want to say. It feels like I have wasted at least 10 years of youth being scared of what people would think. And standing at the dawn of my 30th birthday I dont want to wake up one morning days from ie my 38th birthday and thinking I wasted another handful of years trying to please others.

Somehow, no matter how much I want to regret "wasting time" I always believe there is the perfect moment for everything. It was meant to be for me to only realize I am gay in 2009, it was meant to be for me to first come out to a friend of mine in 2012, etc. I want to think if it happened earlier it would have been disasterous.

I wish you good fortune! May you find love and happiness in yourself and in someone special and amazing and caring. May you experience freedom like never before. May you be yourself and embrace every moment with profound passion from now on. May you be Blessed.

BTW - my last (ex) BF was 36... not going into detail now why it did not last.

 

Sure looks like y'all are a bunch more verbose than I am tonight!!! Lol... I call 301-314-4357... They are there most nights though I do not know their hours... Hang in there... Things may feel lonely, but...
You
Are
Not
Alone
...

 

-



-

 

(Just thought I would point out you're over 3000 now. Well on your way to being a very esoteric minor internet celebrity.)