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Timing and Options

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by L8bloomer, Mar 18, 2019.

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  1. L8bloomer

    L8bloomer
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    Agreed... we have talked, but it’s been a while since we really got into it. I guess I’m afraid of hurting him. And I also wonder how things would be once I told him I really have made up my mind that we can’t be together... we can’t spilt up immediately; that is a process. How do people live together once they know they will not be spending their lives together?

    But that being said, I’ve been thinking of maybe telling him that I have accepted that I am a lesbian. And that I’m not leaving him right now, and I love him still... but obviously that changes something, right? Idk... I just wish there was a way to let him down easy, but I know there isn’t. And I guess I wanted to talk to a lawyer to just feel like I was DOING something, rather than sit in limbo. I have no interest in making things difficult for him financially or with custody. If anything I’ll probably be too generous out of guilt. Anyway thanks for your feedback.
     
    #41 L8bloomer, Apr 20, 2019
  2. L8bloomer

    L8bloomer
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    You ARE blessed. It’s ok to acknowledge that and feel grateful, and at the same time admit that something is lacking too. I feel the same - my husband and I seemingly have a wonderful life. All our friends would say that we would be the ones to stay together forever. But that still doesn’t make me not want to be with a woman...

    I also understand about upsetting your family structure. I am sure this is the hardest decision we will make in our lives. I’m afraid too. Someone recently commented that kids adjust and can still have a happy, loving family even when mom and dad aren’t together. I had another person who came from divorced parents tell me a while ago that it was an adjustment, but by no means did it destroy them. It was just a new normal. Again, I’m not there yet either, but I share these words with you because I found them reassuring.
     
    #42 L8bloomer, Apr 20, 2019
  3. jsm

    jsm
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    I’ve been having precisely the same line of thinking. Admit who I am completely and see if we can then work together through the aftermath of that. I’m so tired of limbo but so scared to make a move. It’s hard being with a really great person you love - if the marriage was terrible anyhow, it would be another story. And when I look at us as a family, I’m sad to think of tearing that up.

    Are you feeling that divorce is inevitable at some point? I’m beginning to feel that, but then a run from the thought because of all my fears.
     
    #43 jsm, Apr 21, 2019
  4. mattblack

    mattblack
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    Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I believe that if you sit down and talk face to face and are 100% honest, the other person will know intuitively to accept it.
    People hate being bs’ed. It’s almost a relief when you give them 100% truth.
     
    #44 mattblack, Apr 21, 2019
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  5. TaraSc1315

    TaraSc1315
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    Thank you thank you. It is reassuring to hear that! I just feel so in limbo. I just want to be happy, which means being with a woman and being intimate with a woman
     
    #45 TaraSc1315, Apr 22, 2019
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  6. TaraSc1315

    TaraSc1315
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    Thank you. I agree. Ive never been truly happy. Everyone says i am mental and need help (they joke) but i DONT. Alll i need to be mentally sound is to be with a woman. Simple. But not so simple.
     
    #46 TaraSc1315, Apr 22, 2019
  7. L8bloomer

    L8bloomer
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    Yeah, I do feel like divorce is inevitable. I am just not ready to go there yet. Part of it is timing - both my husband and I are looking to make job transitions - but also I'm sure part of it is my own procrastination. But I can't see how I can live like this forever. Day to day I am happy... work and kids' activities keep me busy. But then at night my husband and I sleep separately and I think about all this stuff, and then it's like... Oh yes. That. Yes, I do need to think about that still....
     
    #47 L8bloomer, Apr 22, 2019
  8. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I can really relate to this. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the day-to-day stuff, have enjoyable family days out and have it seem that everything is ok. It’s easy to ignore this uncomfortable issue, but it takes time to process, so don’t be hard on yourself. You’ll get there when you’re ready.
     
    #48 LostInDaydreams, Apr 23, 2019
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  9. NotTooLoud

    NotTooLoud
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    #49 NotTooLoud, Apr 28, 2019
  10. NotTooLoud

    NotTooLoud
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    It took me a very long time to understand that I what I really was afaid of was not having a companion. She was so mean to me and I just let it happen, over and over, because I did not want to admit to anyone, including myself, that I am gay. I objected to the things she did, but I always ultimately accepted it and forgave her. In this way, she controlled everything in our lives.
     
    #50 NotTooLoud, Apr 28, 2019
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