The future

So an update. 'He' and I fell out hugely about him blowing hot and cold with me. Telling me that he wanted to make a go of things, then only being FWB, then just friends - the whole sexual tension thing was too much and I could see that there was a pattern of being unable to settle on what he wanted and that it would inevitably end up with me being hurt. So, I cut him off. I had to tell him it was all or nothing, that I wasn't going to be a half-way house and that I needed to move on.

He struggled with that for a couple of months and he hit out at me a couple of times by text. But I didn't get involved in it and recently he was away on vacation alone.

He got in touch the minute he returned and the message was just simple: I miss you, and I am missing you.

So the dialogue began and he was the most open I have ever heard him be - setting out what he thought his own blockers to us being together were. He wants to start removing them and has seriously talked about proper dating and to the exclusion of others. He has said he wants to try and see if we an make a go of it.

When I see him, my insides end up with butterflies and I just have this massive smile inside. He has been very honest with me. There's a part of me that is distrustful - but I put him in a position where he could see what a life without me in it would be like, even for those few months, and he hated it. But to have me, it meant him having to make a choice and tough decisions. Not something he is used to having to do.

So we have set a date that we will start 'dating' - next weekend, and see how it goes. I can't not try, and I am going into it with my eyes wide open, but even now his language has changed. He talks about 'having ages' to try things in the future; that we can explore each other and trust each other 'for a long time to come'. This is totally new language from him whereas before it was always that he couldn't give commitment, that he was a free spirit, that he wasn't ready to be with someone, and so on.