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Tell me about typical gay sexual relations

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by mandarof, Dec 9, 2010.

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  1. straal1972

    straal1972
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    Bravo Mandarof on your "mission". thanks for opening up this dialogue. I really can't contribute any more to what has been said. But I do appreciate all the responses. They cleared up a lot of questions that I had in my own head. Thanks to all the posters and their words of wisdom, they have not fallen on deaf ears.
     
    #61 straal1972, Dec 21, 2010
  2. mandarof

    mandarof
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    Just as it took me time to come to terms and my immediate family needs some time to come to terms, I am now beginning to understand and accept and even appreciate what is now open to me and my life. Having time pass to give me this the opportunity to sink in is important too. I am pleased to have had the one encounter for personal reasons. Women are often a lot more emotional and seeking a real connection/relationship. I can see myself being much less like that.

    I have, through thinking, decided that I would rather keep partners to a minimum. In other words, if I have a friend with benefits, I'd like to carefully find one that might be a longer term friend, just as I am interested in jumping right into a real relationship, perhaps an open one at that. I can be a little bad as long as I am comfortable with myself and make choices that are within reason and safe. It's my life after all and we each should live our lives how we want. Time has given me a good chance to evaluate some of my BAD thoughts and calm down to being more reasonable and thoughtful.
     
    #62 mandarof, Dec 21, 2010
  3. jazzyspazzy

    jazzyspazzy Guest

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    There are more things you have said along these lines that I haven't quoted because it would have taken me forever... but it seems to me that your motivations for finding a guy to have experience with/take home/care about/etc. are actually making yourself valid in some way, and to be what everyone else expects you to be. You're so pent up over appearing normal, or doing 'the done thing'. It looks to me like you need to work on self-acceptance and enjoying being yourself - not a relationship. You deserve to be treated well, and you can lead the example by being kind to yourself first.

    You do not have to be in a relationship to be gay, you do not need to sound sincere on this thread, you do not need to take someone back to your folks'... you need to seriously think about the way you crave for being accepted. You want a guy to make you feel good about yourself, but it doesn't work that way around... feel good about yourself first, and guys will be drawn to your confidence!

    If you don't mind, I would suggest you read the self-help book "You can heal your life" by Louise L. Hay - she does a lot of work with helping gay guys with HIV regain their confidence, and she knows what she's talking about because she was sexually abused by her stepfather and she has cured herself of cancer. Yes, it is a self-help book, but it is really logical and practical and makes shit-loads of difference! I'm working through it at the moment, and I also gave it to my Dad for Christmas.

    I hope this advice helps, and that you grow into a happy, confident gay man! Take things one step at a time, and don't get so hung up on what other people think of you.
     
    #63 jazzyspazzy, Jan 4, 2011
  4. mandarof

    mandarof
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    All the advice just happened. I went home without any kind of relationship that would have been hobbled together. My family and friends (totaling around 100 people) were all informed over the course of a few weeks, most before I got home over the phone and everyone was 100% accepting and positive or neutral. Most just didn't bring it up. Everyone seemed a bit more interested in talking to me. I am the first openly gay man in my entire family. The conversations are flowing about who else is gay and it's funny because the list of suspected is far greater than the percentage statistics. Only time will tell (MAYBE)!

    So I am now actively seeking a relationship. I did have one NSA encounter and that is all I needed to feel comfortable with myself (before my trip home). While I am very eager to start a relationship, I am forcing myself to take things slowly and carefully. I am pursuing several methods for meeting guys. I think I can now have positive and loving relationships knowing that the ones I care about are aware of who I really am. I don't think I would have liked having it any other way (waiting for gay relationships until I came out).

    I have already met a few guys online and am in the initial chatting phase. I am also attending an upcoming event or two for gay singles. I'll throw myself into situations where something great might happen and cross my fingers.
     
    #64 mandarof, Jan 4, 2011
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